Welcome To My Dark Carnival: The Beginning (Part 1, may be triggering)

Step right up! Free admission to the Dark Carnival! Where every mirror twists your self-perception and your body to mammoth proportions! Step onto the Scale of Lies! Gaze into the crystal ball of Madam Marie Claire! See our newest funhouse, Mutilation Madness! Ride the Cocaine Train and the hellacious Bulimicoaster! Visit the Halls of Increasingly-Cherubic Mirrors, now with Talking Conscience! Every step you take drags you deeper into the abyss! Nobody knows where it ends, and some don't ever see daylight again! Are you willing to risk it all in the Dark Carnival?

This isn't a work of fiction. This is what I see, in the fathoms of my mind, when I think back on my years in High School. I walked into the Dark Carnival at age 12. My grandfather passed shortly after my 7th grade year had started. I was completely oblivious to everything going on with the rest of my family, because I shut myself out from all their arguing. The next thing I know, I'm not allowed to visit my favorite Aunt. I began sneaking out of my house and going to visit my 15 year old cousin and her much-older boyfriend. I was introduced to alcohol, and one sip of a bottle of Butter Shots had me hooked. I finished off the last half of the Butter Shots, and I was ten feet tall and bulletproof.

Shortly after my 13th birthday, I was sneaking out every night to drink with them. I felt accepted by someone. I remember one day in school, an older guy I thought was cute sat near me in study hall. He stared at me and I stared back. I thought he liked me. Silly me. When we were leaving study hall, he came out behind me. I was just walking, minding my own business, when I felt a sharp stab in my back. He had thrown a pencil at me, and yelled "ugly fat cunt!", and I just wanted to die, because I knew other people had heard and saw. I started skipping meals, using the excuse that I was out of money on my lunch card, until the school couselor noticed and started paying for my meals.

I was an outcast. Not even the other outcasts talked to me. At school dances, people who I thought were my best friends hung out with a totally different crowd and laughed at me while I sat in the corner. Two of them even spit on me. I'm going to stop this one here, because I just don't want to remember it. 

At 15, I was terrible at science. Therefore, I had to either go to summer school, or repeat the 9th grade. Two days before Summer School, I had to get all four wisdom teeth surgically removed. They had to chip away at my jaw bone and everything to get them out, because they were impacted, and causing me immense pain. Well, I started my first day of summer school in a slightly-altered state of being, but it wasn't until my friend said she would give me $5 for one of my Hydros. I said 'why?" and she said I could sell that whole bottle for around $150. Being the person I was, I gave her one for $5, and we sat in the bathroom on our lunch break and snorted our Hydros and went outside for a cigarette.

(part two tomorrow. or later tonight, maybe, because I have it all saved.)

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