Well, I Never!
By Mama Pants on August 15, 2012
You know, we are all amazing parents before we actually have kids. I mean, I knew everything. Everything. I was gonna do my kids a solid by making sure they were raised perfectly. I had answers for everything. I had some hard lines that I was sure I wouldn't cross. But now it seems that if there is anything I have learned about being a parent is that those lines are sometimes ridiculous and so easy to cross once you are in the trenches. Here are some of my favorite examples of how I flaked on my own pre-conception notions of how I would parent. And you can add yours in the comments. Cause I know you have some. Don't we all?
1. We will always have family dinners. No TV at dinner time!- Said the Mama that sometimes just wants to sit through dinner without getting up fourteen thousand times. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than two kids eating as though in freeze frame because they are enthralled with the TV. Buys me like, twenty minutes to eat which in mom time is similar to an entire afternoon of uninterrupted eating. I'm not ashamed.
2. I will be on top of germs! - <hold on a second, I'm laughing too hard to type anything. OMG I was so clueless>. I think it was the moment that Mr. Pants sneezed into baby Plum's face that I realized that germs are going to happen no matter how many travel pocket Purells I have.
3. My kids will never be turds to each other. They will treat each other with respect dammit!- Haha! Hahahahaha! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ha! Hahahahaha! Moving on...
4. I will take the time to put myself together. That's me time that I won't let go of - While I am trying to make this one true, we all know that I have failed. Oh yes, I have failed.
5. No jumping on the furniture! - I resigned myself long ago to not have nice things. Jumping is fun!
6. I will never take the kids out into public looking like prisoners of war- It turns out that when a window of opportunity presents itself for a stress free outing for tampons, I don't want to eff that up by demanding fashion and/or baths first. Too bad for you Wal-Mart shoppers! You have to look at my lil refugees and wonder why their mother doesn't care enough to bathe them but then you will see the year supply of tampons in my cart and understand.
7. I'm not a short order cook! Eat the dinner I so lovingly made for you or go hungry! - You know it occurred to me a while back that if Daddy placed a plate of liver and mushrooms in front of me, I would want to die. I would probably say something like, "I don't eat dog poop" and then get up to make a bowl of cereal. I'd probably overdo it on the gagging sounds too. So, yeah I try to be mindful of that and Mr. Pants can have a peanut butter sandwich and applesauce or left over spaghetti for dinner a few days a week if he is so inclined. I also make sure there is at least one thing on his plate that is a sure thing. I think that's fair.
8. There is a time and place for messy play. - Just yesterday while playing outside, I watched as Plum paddled around in a bunch of old water and then promptly plopped her butt into a wet sandbox, dumped sand on her head and then attempted to eat a stick. I had to take the stick, sure. But not because of the fact that it was disintegrating all over her face but because no one is fan of mouth splinters and choking. She then rolled around in a dirty cart. Somewhere along the way she lost her shoes. This is basically her daily outside play routine. And yes I had to wash sand out of her butt crack but whatever. She had some fun, man. And went to bed on time.
Now it's your turn! What things did you swear you would never do?