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What Age is the Right Age for Cell Phones?

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According to the New York Times, the number of kids aged six to eleven who have a cell phone has doubled since 2005. And, a study by Retrevo reports that 43% of parents with kids aged 9-12 think that's a good age for a child to get her first cell phone. When I read those articles I started thinking. Not about whether my children (ages 9 and 12) are ready for cell phones, but whether I'm ready for them to have cell phones.

Girl on Cell Phone

I used to think that the most troubling thing your child could do with a cell phone was excessive texting. But Alina Tugend's article New Worries About Children With Cellphones points out that these days, when your child has a cell phone there are all sorts of new issues to contend with, not the least of which are inappropriate downloads and questionable marketing and sales methods aimed at children, (no, I'm not addressing sexting because that would be its very own article and also I'm in denial.) This point is brought home in an article by Shira Simmonds who is a mom and a marketer (she's president of Ping Mobile) and writes, "In my role as a marketer, the thought of sending mobile content to kids puts dollar signs in my eyes, but as a mother, it conflicts with every protective instinct I have." She goes on to rationalize that sending toy coupons and ads to a child's cell phone gives the parent something to use as incentive for good behavior. In our house, good behavior is expected, not bribed and I'm not a fan of unsolicited texts or ads being sent to my children so they can nag me.

Then there's the issue of bullying online. Landismom writes about how her fifth-grade daughter is only one of three kids in her class who don't have a cell phone and how one child has received bullying texts from other girls. Landismom sums it up by writing, "there is a big difference between giving your kid a phone so you can reach them in an emergency, and unleashing your kid with a technology that the kid doesn’t really understand, and isn’t mature enough to deal with, in many circumstances."

Whether the issue is questionable marketing, bullying, or just using the cell phone as a security blanket and interrupting family time, the way to stem it is to be aware. Talk to your kids about your concerns and expectations, set the rules (and enforce them), and teach them how to handle unexpected situations (like those rogue sales pitches). Like you, I know how to stem the issues and handle them, but I'll be honest with you, I don't want to parent one more thing. Am I lazy? I don't think so. I'm an involved mom who's already monitoring television, movies, video games, the internet, clothing, and friends. Frankly, the thought of adding one more thing to the list makes me hyperventilate.

When I polled my Twitter friends about what age they let their kids have phones, most of them said they gave in at 9th grade, which made me feel good because I've been thinking thirteen would be a great age to have that right of passage. Since 9th grade is, what? About age 14? I can push it back a little more. I may be ready when my son is 14.

Melanie Nelson writes blogging tips and instructions at Blogging Basics 101 and she's in no hurry for her kids to grow up.

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mcwhclan 5 pts

My kids are 15 and 12, and neither of them have cell phones.  I am a mean mean mother.  It would be different if they were going places and things were I needed to get a hold of them.  But they don't. 

The bullying is a big, big deal for me.  There does not need to be another way for my kids to be harassed.  My 15 year old daughter has a unique set of challenges and we get phone calls at HOME harassing her.  I can't imagine what would happen with a cell phone.  She has poor self regulation and would engage in her own negative behaviour.  Yes, I supervise her computer usage including email for this very reason.  One call from an angry parent is more than enough.

My almost 13 year old son who is bright and has a large group of friends, doesn't want one.  "One more thing to try not to lose" and "besides, I don't use the phone at home, why would I need a cell". 

Until things change, there will be NO cell phones for my kids.

Melanie Nelson 5 pts

I think there are definitely situations where parents want to keep tabs on their kids and it's not a bad thing to know where they are. Right now, I'm falling into the camp of wanting to give them more independence and encourage them to figure things out without my help (i.e., calling me to fix it). My attitude on this comes from the way my children behave: they ask permission to point of insanity and they don't like to leave the house (even to go to the park or the courtyard behind our house). They could use a little independence. I'm sure my mind will change as they grow, but every family is different and this is what works for me now.

I think there's also a little bit of the old lady in me who remembers that "In the 80s we didn't have cell phones and we liked it!" LOL

Melanie Nelson
Contributing Editor at BlogHer.com (Web/Tech)
Owner, Blogging Basics 101 ( http://www.bloggingbasics101.com )
Co-author, TypePad for Dummies (due in stores Feb. 2010)

Melanie Nelson 5 pts

My kids have their own e-mail as well via Zoobuh.com. It automatically sends me copies of everything they send or receive. It's a good way to help them become accustomed to technology and the fact that I'll be reading what they're doing online. My son just recently got a FB account, but I'm not letting my daughter (age 9) do it yet (though she's begging).Part of my reasoning is that she's not old enough and part is that I like to inflict delayed gratification on my kids. ;)

Melanie Nelson
Contributing Editor at BlogHer.com (Web/Tech)
Owner, Blogging Basics 101 ( http://www.bloggingbasics101.com )
Co-author, TypePad for Dummies (due in stores Feb. 2010)

Melanie Nelson 5 pts

Beverly,

The responsibility of having a phone is just one of my concerns and it's a big one. My son is *very* responsible (age 12), but my daughter (age 9) is not. He'll be ready for a phone before she is and I keep that in mind. When I do get them phones, I think I'll skip the smartphones not only because of cost, but because I don't want them left in the park or dropped in the toilet or run through the washer (my kids do their own laundry).

Melanie Nelson
Contributing Editor at BlogHer.com (Web/Tech)
Owner, Blogging Basics 101 ( http://www.bloggingbasics101.com )
Co-author, TypePad for Dummies (due in stores Feb. 2010)

LucindaA 5 pts

The monitoring is really the thing, isn't it?  Not just the need to do so but the time it takes.  That is the biggest reason I limit my kids access to technology--I just don't have that much time or energy.

My kids are 7 & 8 so cell phones isn't really an issue yet, although my daughter has been asking for one since she was 6.  She also knows she isn't getting one for a very long time.  But she keeps asking.  lol

I have noticed a trend toward the expectation that kids will have cell phones.  Coaches no longer set a time when they will be back from the away game.  "We'll just call you."  Families eliminating land lines so you can't call to see if junior arrived at his friend's house.  Unless friend actually remembered to charge his cell phone.  So Junior needs his own so you can call him.  Society is changing so we do need to adjust but I'm holding out as long as I can.  My kids will get cell phones eventually, probably before I really want them to.  But I think highschool is as reasonable as we can get these days.

midnightbliss 5 pts

i remember, I was 18 when I had my first phone, given to me by my sister, but my mom does'nt want me to use it because she thought its not necessary for me to have a phone, but now my 8-yr old nephew does have his own cell phone.

we survived before without cell phones but our needs changes with time, i guess these days parents find it necessary for their kids to have a cellphone to keep an open communication and of course to know where or what they are doing.

Jesica28 5 pts

Yes, Beverly,

the older children the less they respond their parents on phone!:-(

Have a really nice day!

Cheap Insurance - http://www.instant-quotes.net

Beverly Flaxington 5 pts

I let my daughter have her first cell phone at 11 so when my son just turned 11, he wanted one too. This time I got smart and bought the "Tracfone" instead of the expensive option my daughter had. However, already one Tracfone has gone through the laundry (they don't do well wet!) and he now has lost the charger to the second phone. So the real problem with young kids is that it gets expensive!!! Truth is that I like being able to track them down at any time. I'm glad they have their phones because I can stay in touch with them when I need them. My daughter (14 years old) won't respond to much, but she always answers my texts..... 

Beverly Flaxington

Blog: Dealing with Difficult People ( http://dealingdifficultpeople.blogspot.com/ )

Book: Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets ( http://www.understandingotherpeople.com/ )

alyssaroyse 5 pts

It is strange, isn't it. When I was a kid, if I wanted to make a phone call I had to jump over the wooly mammoth sleeping in the kitchen to grab the big phone off the wall. My 11 year-old daughter, on the other hand, has a smart phone, laptop, email address and Facebook account.

But I did it for me. I was late picking her up from ballet one day - traffic was a nightmare - and by the time I got there I was sick with worry about the thought that she had been worrying about if I was coming, or something had happened or....  and had no way to call. Her own email came when I got sick of having to give up my computer (and time) so that she could email her grandparents etc....  Facebook came when I realized it was an excellent way for me to stalk her.

Sure, it all has it's hazards, but this technology is here to stay, and I think that getting them used to it, as well as teaching them how to use it safely and responsibly, is just as important as teaching them about all the other things they will need to know in the world ahead of them. That said, she has ZERO privacy in the electronic world, and she knows it. I read everything, check out everything. And it works well.

Ironically, if anyone's style was cramped when she dove into the modern worls, it was mine. By did my Facebook posts clean up!

____________

Alyssa Royse ( http://alyssaroyse.wordpress.com/ )  Endless personal musings

Just Cause It: ( http://www.justcauseit.com )A Web Site To Save The World