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Last night I was out with two girlfriends, and before I knew it the conversation had turned -- well, “deep” is a good word. See, one of the girls is my roommate, and she just found out she’s been approved to do a volunteer vacation (she’s flying out to the Grand Canyon next month to spend a week repairing some trails). Jen was telling us how she’s wanted to do something like this for a long time, but kept putting it off. She recently decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, that now is the time. Before I knew it, that phrase had become the theme of our conversation: Do it now.
I haven’t always subscribed to the “do it now” mentality. When I was in my early 20s, for instance, I wouldn’t pursue any kind of dating relationship. I was moving around; I knew I wasn’t going to be in one location for a long period of time. I didn’t want to meet someone who might potentially hold me back. I don’t necessarily regret doing it that way, because I know that everything I've done in my life has made me into the person I am today, but I know that’s not how I want to live my life going forward.
Sometimes I see other people living this way, though, and that bothers me. For instance, I know this guy who I’m pretty sure is putting off being in a relationship because he’s planning to go overseas to work for six months. But there’s a good chance his departure won’t be for at least another six months, maybe even a year. Which makes me wonder, what are you potentially missing out on if you’re holding yourself back from getting close to someone?
Another thing is, I’ve been dating this guy, D-. We’ve been out at least six times over the past few months. He’s successful in his career, and he’s athletic, and nice, and respectful, and all that. But there’s one glaring thing that bothers me about him: he doesn’t ask me questions about myself. Pretty much everything he knows about me is information I’ve volunteered. I don’t have a bad time when I go out with him, so there’s no reason not to keep seeing him. I keep thinking that if I go out with him just one more time, maybe he’ll suddenly realize he wants to know more about me -- but in reality, he’s had multiple chances to do that and hasn’t taken advantage of it. So now I’m asking myself, why am I going out with this person if he doesn’t add anything to my life?
Really, the premise behind “do it now” could answer all of these scenarios...
To my roommate: don’t put off doing this volunteer vacation. I know you made this decision when you’d broken up with your boyfriend, and now that you two are back together, I hope it doesn’t have an effect on your decision to go away for a week. Do it now.
To my going-overseas friend: What if the person you’re supposed to be with is here -- right now? You can’t put off living your life because you’re afraid of what might happen when you’re away for a few months. Do it now.
To myself: Last night, my friend Mary asked me what it is that I like about this guy, D-. When she’s asked me this question in the past about other guys, I’ve been able to rattle off a list of reasons why I thought that particular person was great. But last night, I paused. I stuttered something about him being a nice guy, and...and...yeah. That should be my answer: it’s time to find someone who makes me excited to be with them. Do it now, Zan.
You can’t always do everything you want to do right now. But I bet if you think about it, there’s something you’ve been putting off doing, or maybe something you’ve been keeping in your life that shouldn’t be there. What is it?
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