What is this behavior of mine about?!

This morning, I asked my two year old little girl to bring her dirty plate to the kitchen and she saucily stood on her toes and said, "No!".  It was quite cute how she tested out this new behavior though I did not share that with her.  Instead I said, "Oh, you don't have to this exact second, but please do it rather soon because I'm doing dishes."  She ran in carrying her plate a couple seconds later.

Later in the morning, I asked my little boy to do something - I can't even remember what - and he said, "No".  Really?  We don't speak that way kiddo.  He's more challenging to navigate, but he ended up making the right choice.  He struggles, however, to do things he doesn't want to do like picking up things when he doesn't really feel like picking things up.

Yeah - I know that one.  I didn't feel like doing dishes two days ago so I left them for the morning and I didn't seem to have any new found desire once morning rolled around.  But I did them and I shared this great life lesson out loud about doing the unpleasant things first so then I can do the fun things.

My little boy doesn't get it just yet, but that's kinda developmentally approrpriate.  Maybe in his 40's he'll start to really get the wisdom of my words just as I'm trying to embrace it.

I really am a bit goal driven.  I love a good challenge and I love making things happen.  I like the energy that comes with it and the creative and cognitive thinking that is necessary.  I'm fairly decent at prioritizing and making everything fit into whatever time frame is allowed.

And yet why did I suggest ordering in pizza last night.  I ordered a medium pizza, patting myself on the back for not getting a large, and proceeded to give 1/4 to each kid and 1/2 to me.  And if that wasn't enough, why did I take out the Ben and Jerry's Heath Bar Crunch and eat it straight out of the container till it was all gone while reading the news.

Why?

I know the right course of action.  I know what will make a difference.  I can see that I was a bit stressed over the making of fondant last night and I'm a bit creatively stressed over the cakes I'm supposed to be making right now.  But gosh - the fondant only takes 10 or 15 minutes to make and the mess is easy enough to clean up and the cakes are always fun to decorate once I just plain start.  So none of that was enough to warrant this excessive forgetting of my goals this year to have a healthy body.

Because it just tasted good.  I think that's it.  But I don't think it's because I'm lazy or slothish or any other negative word that one might ascribe to me.  I think it's just because I'm human and I don't WANT to spend every moment fretting over my weight and my calories.

I don't want to be the woman at the party who only has one bite of cheesecake and then smiles knowingly to others and pats her hips.  I want to just eat that dang slice of cheesecake if I chose to have it and I want to enjoy it and not worry about it because overall, I'm making good choices and getting my body out and moving.

Alas.  I'm not there yet.

So, WHY can't I, a person who can prioritize and set goals and multi-task, not manage to keep staying focused on this darn healthy eating crap till I get where I'm going.

I am my own self-sabateur which sounds like some kind of spy thriller placed in the streets of Paris (said with a french accent).  I'm okay being a sabateur, but a self-sabateur is a bit perplexing.  

I see my kids say no to things they don't want to do and I see myself say no.  I must just keep forgetting that I really truly really truly DO want to lose weight.  And maybe that's the mantra I need to put smack dab in front of my face because I really truly seem to be getting in the way of my own goals.

 

(And really - I'm not beating myself up or anything - just once again amazed at how non-streamlined this process is)

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