What Do the Children of Mommybloggers Have In Common With the Children of Kate Gosselin?

I don't believe that reality shows are actually shot based on real life. My friend and her children appeared on a 15-minute segment of one reality TV show, and it was a several day shoot, involving many re-shoots and re-takes, often late into the night. I can only imagine that the intrusion of the show into the lives of the Gosselins is therefore very high.

There is a fundamental difference between this and blogging about kids, in that the level of performance required and the time involved is MUCH higher. I don't really do things with my kids for the blog that I wouldn't be doing already, so I don't believe that their current quality of life is significantly compromised. They are not being asked to walk in and out of the house 5 times so that I can get the perfect shot.

I do have some concerns about young children being on TV, more because of the hours and level of work involved than the fame. I know that when children appear on shows in California there are stringent controls in place. My guess is that you couldn't shoot a show like Kate Plus 8 with that level of control. For that reason, I have concerns about shooting young children, but not because of the fame involved.

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I am of the opinion that indeed the Gosselin 8 are working. If it was simply cameras following their every move as they played that would be one thing - but besides the playing, they have to wait while framing the shot, if the camera doesn't catch a cute remark or action they have to repeat, there is some scripting involved - not so much for the 6 but the twins, absolutely, their playtime on filming days is controlled by producers and directors, not their parents, let alone themselves. Also the photo shoots, e.g. having to stand around and pose in the dead heat of August dressed in winter outfits. Then the interviews, getting up at an ungodly hour for a brief moment of camera time on the morning shows. All this is a job, IMHO. As such, having an updated law in PA (or any state) to protect children employed in the entertainment industry is as necessary as child labor laws in all industries. To be effective though, they must be enforced.

Interestingly, one of the points in the updated law reads: "Require the presence of a “set teacher” on the set of any production. This person will serve as an advocate for the minor to ensure the minor’s health, education, and moral safety on the set. In addition, this person will monitor the working conditions, the minor’s mental health, and the demands placed on the minor to ensure they are appropriate to the minor’s age, strength, and stamina." (from Rep. Murt's website). This point addresses the mental health aspect of children. This is very similar to CA's law. Having a seemingly unbiased person on set (often in the Gosselin situation, their home)monitoring things,whose sole purpose is the welfare of the child/children removing the control from the producer and/or director or even the parents who may have a conflict of interest. This is not a bad thing. Had this been in effect twins would not have had to post a sign on their bedroom door saying "Cameras keep out!" Or, in one of the last episodes before I stopped watching, one of little boys had painful constipation, and a bit of fecal impaction, the on-set teacher would have not let the boy even go to the bedding store, let alone allow him to continue to suffer and cry for his mother who was too engaged in obsessing over which bed frame to purchase because THAT was the story line in that episode.

My own grown children have issues with me or my husband showing their respective spouses photos or slides of their childhood if it involves them in the nude (you know, those incredibly adorable bathtime pictures. Or, goodness knows, sitting on a bucket going potty at the campsite (she was four). They don't even like us telling cute stories from their childhood. Similar situations with regard to the Gosselin children are part of the concern and their situation is on national television. Actually, lots of people grew concerned early on, even Paul Peterson, the former child actor, who advocates for chilren in the industry. It simply took awhile to get the attention of lawmakers. At least now, with updated PA laws, these particular children will have some protection and some of the money paid the Gosselins has been and will continue to be put in a trust for them when they become adults.

Whether in blogs or on tape or on television, parents have duty to protect their children and their privacy. While threat of a future lawsuit shouldn't be the reason, there's always that "Dear Abby" letter regarding parents being sued by their grown son for having him circumsized as an infant.

And, I suppose, I judge both equally.

If you overshare regarding things that are better kept private and in doing so create a public situation that your children may well be embarrassed and humiliated over, you need to re-think what you're doing.

Although, usually by the time you've gained enough fame (or what passes as such), it's generally too late to stop the media circus. At that point, it's all about how you behave IN the moment - the decisions you make then and for the future.

I may feel sympathy for getting oneself into that mess, but to willfully choose to keep the mess going is where my judgment comes in - for both bloggers and people of reality tv fame.

I think people, in general, are typically forgiving of sins of the past as long as there appears to be some learning and application of wisdom going forward. If it appears that someone continues to sell-out the well being of her children for fame and fortune, people can be less understanding.

I don't follow the Gosseling saga enough to know how I feel but I suspect that many think she is selling out the well being of her children for fame and fortune, and this is why she is judged harshly. I suspect if they encountered a blogger doing the same, they'd be as critical.

And then, of course, everyone draws the line in a different place, so what may seem exploitative to some does not at all seem that way to me. I know people who won't even post photos of their children online. To them, surely *I* am exploiting my kids. My line is in a different place.

Interesting comparison to ponder, though....

JustLinda

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And you do wonder how many events are staged in reality tv shows and how many naturally happen on the subject's own accord.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

You make a good point--bloggers and reality tv stars are not the only people who incorporate their home life into their work.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I wonder if there is a prior case for that with another type of writer--a book writer, for example, who mined their kids for material and had the kids grow up to sue.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I agree that a lot of it is in the parenting. And we also can't know what goes on parentingwise after the tape stops rolling.

One thing I do wonder is how the kids (Gosselins or the Duggars) will cope after the cameras stop rolling. Because I have to imagine that transition is difficult too.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

It's a really tough question. I guess I think a distinction arises when you start talking about lighting, staging events, etc., but I'm not sure how you really draw a line.

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While I have MANY gripes about Kate and the continuing decline of her parenting (I literally cried for one of her kids watching a recent episode because he was trying SOOO hard to be good and ask her permission for something when she just repeatedly waved him off because she was busy with 800 projects)I do NOT think what these kids are doing can be considered work. I suppose the the shots of them seated and questioned that they include could be, and those could easily be taken out, but the rest is them living their lives. I'm pretty sure they'll play and eat and fight etc whether the cameras are there or not. And while I do wonder how much of my sharing my kids will detest for a time in their lives I do NOT think it's wrong. If we declare it wrong or mentally scarring for Kate (well minus the marital ugliness I do think seeing all the tabloid stuff can be damaging but speaking strictly of sharing of childhood moments) then yes its wrong for bloggers. But then its wrong for authors, public speakers, comedians and on and on. Yes, bloggers may have kids you aren't thrilled with the stories at some point but like some bloggers I greatly respect, when my kids don't find it cool that I share, I will stop sharing the stuff that isn't mine to share. But for now they love it. And while I am sure they may grow to not be amused by it, at least for awhile, I don't think I need to start saving for therapy or anything like that.

As you say, it all depends on the definition of "work". I'm not sure how I feel about it because the kids aren't being harmed by the cameras, they're being harmed by the antics of their stupid parents, as are many other kids. Where to intervene?

As for blogging, I don't mention my kids very often and certainly don't post photos (they would hit the roof). I can foresee the day however, when some mom blogger is sued by her grown children either for damages or back pay if the blog earns money. That would make an interesting lawsuit! ;-)

I must admit that I am a sucker for reality TV shows. Because I spend my life around small children, I very much so enjoy shows that show the real life of said kids. I do not think there is anything wrong with having them in reality shows. Do I think they may need therapy afterward?? Do I think they may be scarred because of the publicity?? OH YES... But, I believe it is all in the parenting. Families like the Duggars, I believe, will be just fine with or without the cameras. The Gosselin children probably did not need the cameras around during their parents' nasty divorce... but I do not believe there should be a law against letting them be on TV.

ms. p

read about her life as a (future) teacher at: http://the-word-wall.blogspot.com

A good question, but my answer remains the same. I've already archived four years of blogging and re-domained myself for security reasons. It was scary and I thought no one would read ever again. Not true. I'm sure I could come up with something else to write about (photography, writing, failed baking attempts) if/when the kids demand a little more privacy.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

But what if you were an enormously popular blogger? While few have the reach of a television personality, there are those who would have their kids recognized as well as themselves when they're out in public.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Why didn't anyone care before?

I, personally, am not a fan of the show(s) but it has less to do with kids on camera and more to do with her personality. Which, in reality, might be edited for TV purposes. I don't know. But I'm not all about it.

What's the difference between the two - meaning the reality show and mommyblogging? My kids aren't hounded by paparazzi when we go to the store. We can play in our yard without worrying that someone will call child services if I raise my voice or use my mean, Very Serious face. My kids are still free to be as bad as they want (uh?) without the ENTIRE world judging me as a parent. That's the stuff that bothers me the most, I think. (Though I don't spend a lot of time thinking about Kate and her crew. Just when people make me. heh.)

I don't know the answers. But I do know that I'm 100% glad that I'm not on TV like Kate is; she's braver than I am.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.