What do Daddies do?
By LizzieH on December 10, 2008
I am currently in the process of adopting as a single woman, and my future child may never have a Daddy. I haven't completely ruled out the possibility of getting married someday in the future - I have an aunt who got married for the very first time in her early sixties, so I know it can happen - but it's just not super high on my priority list at the moment.
During my pre-adoption research, and during the homestudy, I thought a lot
about the particular challenges of raising a child without a Daddy and the importance of providing male role models, but I never really formed a specific picture in my mind of what that would look like or what it even means.
Then last week I somehow found myself reading a blog post written a few years ago by a man whose wife was pregnant with their first child. Don't ask me how I got there - one minute I was reading about politics and the next minute I had followed a link and found myself in a totally different world - but it brought to mind the old saying "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." I guess somehow the universe knew it was time for me to think about Daddies.
What I found fascinating about this blog post is that the man was describing how his way of getting ready to be a Daddy was different than his wife's way of getting ready to be a Mommy. While she was thinking about snuggling and bonding with the new baby, he was thinking about the most effective ways to threaten any future boyfriends in case they had a daughter.
It got me thinking about the question, what do Daddies do?
I will have to be both Mommy and Daddy to the child I adopt, but what does
that really mean on a day-to-day basis? I had really only thought as
far as being the one to make enough money to support us both, maybe
because that is the main thing that comes to mind when I think of my own father's role in our family. But what else will I have to be prepared to do, and where will I find the appropriate substitute if I can't do it myself?
It also made me realize that I don't read very many blogs by men in
general or Daddies in particular. I read tons of adoption blogs, by
people who are at all different stages of adoption from waiting like me
to already home with their children, but they are universally written
by women. I read lots of Mommybloggers, to get a taste of what I can
expect once I'm a Mommy, and I keep up with a bunch of MidLife Bloggers -
many of whom are Moms but none of whom would describe themselves as
Mommybloggers - but I don't read any Daddybloggers. I think they do
exist, but up until now it never occurred to me to be interested in
So I am turning to all of you, dear readers, for suggestions and advice. If you fall into one of the categories below and can provide assistance, please leave a comment:
- If you are a Daddy, please let me know if there is anything you think you bring to the table as a Daddy that is different than what the Mommy in the family does. And how did you learn to do it?
- If you are married to a Daddy or a future Daddy, please let me know how you divide up the parenting duties between you and why.
- If you have a Daddy, please let me know the most important thing your
Daddy taught you that you don't think you could have learned from your
- If you are a single Mommy (especially a single Mommy through adoption, where there is no ex-husband in the picture), please let me know what you've done to cover your Daddy bases.
- If you know of any good Daddybloggers who can provide insight into this area, please send me their blog information.
- And just to prove that I haven't ruled this option out completely, if you
know any single men who are good Daddy material, you can let me know
about them too!
Looking forward to your thoughts on this!
(Originally posted at my blog: Inventing My Life)
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