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Valentine’s Day is a test for most men. It’s their moment to show us women how much they really care. And sometimes they fail miserably! And we have to sit there at dinner or lunch or on a windy pier at the lake choking on the algae smell with a smile on our face and try not to laugh/cry/get angry or hurt their male pride because they did try. And like our mothers and grandmothers faked it before, so must we. My husband has had some great Valentine’s Day gifts. He’s surprised me with roses and last year a massive white teddy bear, but he’s also really, really blown it. While we were dating, he took me to one of our favorite restaurants for Valentine’s Day. There was romantic music. I think he got me chocolates and flowers and I knew, I just knew he was going to propose. He kept hinting that he got me something I really wanted. He reserved a secluded table in the back of the restaurant, Rod Stewart was playing over the sound system, and the glass of wine I was ordered was perfect. As he got ready to hand me my gift, I was so excited! I remember thinking, “OMG! He’s going to do it!” I even closed my eyes to prepare myself. When I opened them, there wasn’t a ring box but a card instead. “Ohhhhh,” I said with a painted smile. Inside were two concert tickets to Juanes. “I thought you could take your friend,” he said. *insert sound of deflating balloon*He had such a hopeful look on his face. He was so proud of himself. And he asked if I liked it. “Yes. Wow. Thank you!” I didn’t have the heart to tell him (until last week while he was shopping for gifts) how disappointed I was that day.
Now my husband is torturing me. I know he bought me a Valentine’s Day present last weekend, and he purposefully left it in a bag in the bedroom. He’s offered to tell me what it is. And I’ve been left alone with the gift plenty of times, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise. On the other hand, I don’t want another Juanes-concert repeat. I know what I want to get. I know I said it multiple times. I know I even pointed to it 10 minutes before he said, “Um, can you walk over there for a little bit,” last weekend when he left me and came back with a smile on his face. I saw him stuff something into his GAP bag. “The salesman said I made a good choice,” he told me. Now I’m torn. Do I peak to prepare myself for a shock because it may not be what I want? Or do I just wait and do my best to smile at a pair of clip on earrings so ugly I wouldn’t gift them to Goodwill?
Tips for faking: (Read more at www.chicktalkdallas.com)
1) Keep smiling, nodding and make eye contact. Don’t let him see the revulsion.
2) Block. Use your napkin to cover your mouth if you feel like laughing or you accidentally snort because he bought you a pearl thong!
3) Don’t damage it. You can return this eye sore in a few weeks if it’s unused.
4) Use positive words. “Thank you for this.” “Wow, I never expected this. It’s something special…um, now when will I use a tire pressure changer thingy?”
5) Gently steer his mind to better things. “You know, every year it’s something different, and I always look forward to special gifts, things that make me smile. Lots of things make me smile. You make me smile. Pink sapphires make me smile….no, this gift card to Best Buy is great! Stop it. I love it, and I want to use it. You know how much I love Blue Rays…and pink sapphires.
6) Distract him. Men want to see you smile and say something nice about the pink porcelain pig they bought you. That takes 5 seconds. Rub his leg, suck on a strawberry and he’s already forgot he even bought you anything. Use this to your advantage and blame the dog for “accidentally” breaking the pig next week!
7) Tit for tat. Most red blooded males expect sex after their obligatory Valentine’s Day gift. His effort, or lack of effort, should be reflected in your efforts (or lack of efforts). If you have a headache, he gets the hint. Next year: diamonds!
8) Tell him. I only recommend telling
