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The other day I had an argument with my husband. This is a statement I am sure many women make, disagreements are part of the territory when you are in a relationship. But this was not the usual low level bickering associated with a minor infraction like forgetting to take out the garbage. We were discussing our child and it was very clear that we were not going to see eye to eye on this particular issue. This disturbed me. Not because I believe we should be in agreement about everything but we were discussing our child in a very significant way. Tempers flared and rather than belabor the point, I decided to let it go so that we could take time to cool off and have a more productive discussion at a later date. As I reflected on the conversation, I began to question myself - how did I marry this man without being certain that we have complementary parenting styles?
In hindsight I realize it is virtually impossible to answer this question. When dating we discussed parenting but we did not contemplate every case scenario (as if that is even possible). We agreed on the basics, there were no deal breakers and we moved on with our courtship. Following our disagreement I began to wonder how other people handled this type of situation. I consulted the experts – other parents on twitter.
I am a self-proclaimed twitter addict and armed with the knowledge that I could get immediate answers from my friends I posed this question: "What do you do when you have a different parenting style from your spouse?' Kimberly, a life coach, mother of three and author of Simply Do You, said: "United front in front of the kids - even if you disagree. Discussion when your alone to understand the other's intentions and to agree on an approach that addresses shared objectives moving forward. Never let the kids in on your disagreement they'll use your weakness to their advantage with the precision of a ninja warrior."
The concept of a united front was echoed by many of my friends including @tmhmom, writer of The Mother's Handbook "You absolutely MUST present a united front. Take your hubby out to dinner and have a heart to heart. Otherwise, kids win." She has been married for over twenty years, is a physician and the mother to four boys. I believe that both she and Kimberly gave excellent advice, clearly based on personal experience.
Another mother, Bridget gave this advice: "My former partner and I have worked through the different parenting styles problem. He's a control freak. Me, not so much. We start by looking for positive outcomes, and then working towards those outcomes in our own ways.It works." The answers given by these women are representative of the numerous responses I received that night; I clearly am not the only one struggling with this issue.
After taking some time for introspection I reached the following conclusions. Parenting is no easy task; we learn and grow together everyday. As parents, both my husband and I have the best interest of our child in mind when we make decisions. Our own upbringing and life experiences have shaped our individual beliefs regarding the "right" way to parent. Although we may not always see eye to eye, by reaching a compromise, presenting a united front and discussing differing opinions privately (away from our child) we can reach a positive resolution to anything that we encounter.
BlogHer CE Renée J. Ross is learning the ropes of parenting on her personal blog Cutie Booty Cakes
