Five Dating Tips For Women in Their 20s

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Editor's Note: I didn't watch Sex and the City. I saw a few episodes and was bored to tears and occasionally offended. I think, however, that the show had a great impact on young women and their ideas about dating, sex, and love. This piece speaks not only to women in their 20s, but to any woman who is looking to make a solid love connection without losing her sense of self, settling for treatment that is less than what she deserves, and waiting for a fairy tale when reality, though bumpy, is far more tangible and fulfilling.- Feminista Jones

I grew up watching "Sex and the City." I watched four smart and stylish women learn every single lesson possible in the dating world. After six seasons and two awful movies, every woman in America was ready! Well, sort of…

The first episode of the series begins with a story that goes something like this, “Once upon a time, a beautiful English journalist moves to NYC.  She is quickly seduced a by a dominant, power and unavailable man.  He charms her with his wit and attention.  He uses the usual techniques to get her attention. He says ‘I feel like I know you from somewhere.  Are you from London? That is my favorite city in the world.’ After careful observation, the beautiful woman realizes that the man in front of her is a great catch. She is smitten! So of course she responds, “I think perhaps I have met you somewhere before.” I think we can all guess how this ends.


man and woman on a date
Image: Ding Yuin Shan via Flickr


She falls head over heels, spends all her time with him, has great sex and falls madly in love with the attractive, wealthy man that is showering her with attention in the amazing city of New York. It isn't long, maybe two weeks, before the man realizes that he has many options and is ready for a new one. She is then left heartbroken and confused.

The sobbing woman tells her story to Carrie Bradshaw.  Carrie, a Veteran by now, looks unmoved and puts out a cigarette while she hears her story. The scene ends with Carrie saying, "Then I realized no one had told her about the end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s and no one has affairs to remember. Instead we have breakfast at 7 a.m. and affairs we try to forgot as quickly as possible. Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount."

Now I am not saying that I've had experiences that were as bad as the one described above, or that I didn't learn anything from watching these lovely ladies search for love, week after week for six seasons.  What I am saying is that every now and then, I've ignored my gut and made mistakes that I knew from the very beginning were just plain wrong.

Here are a few tips that I think can be useful for any woman in her twenties:

  • Find your center and know what is important to you. Don’t change your life every time a new man comes into your life. You are who you are so be that.
  • Stay away from people that use "techniques".  Techniques are usually used by players and trying to change a player is a colossal waste of time. Players need attention from MANY women to feel better about themselves. Unless you have some superhero power that allows you to transform into multiple women, just stay away. By the time you turn 30, this lesson will be so clear, you will run away without even thinking about it! So why not start running away now?
  • Go out with good guys. Good guys generally make you feel... good! That is a great feeling, isn't it!
  • Don’t assume that just because a man is successful, he is able and/or willing to give you the things you want in a relationship or in life.
  • Date a bit before you settle down with one person and try to get to know as many people as possible.
Editor's Note: These tips are by no means an exhaustive list, but they can get you started on your path to figuring out what you want and what you can do without.What would you add to this list?- FJ


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