What if breast isn't best?

Done exclusively, breastfeeding is a full time job. But has anyone ever presented it to you in such terms? In her new article for the Atlantic, “The Case Against Breastfeeding,” Hanna Rosin brings up a little discussed downside of the pro-breast movement:

“The debate about breast-feeding takes place without any reference to its actual context in women’s lives. Breast-feeding exclusively is not like taking a prenatal vitamin. It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way. Let’s say a baby feeds seven times a day and then a couple more times at night. That’s nine times for about a half hour each, which adds up to more than half of a working day, every day, for at least six months. This is why, when people say that breast-feeding is “free,” I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It’s only free if a woman’s time is worth nothing."

As a new mother currently not earning a paycheck, I do wonder what my time is worth: value of my time to my new baby, priceless (I hope). Value of my time according to the IRS, my family budget, etc: zero. Right now I’m in a transition phase: looking for work and both at home and out and about. I’m mostly at home with the baby, breastfeeding, but working very hard to get out there. To aid this process, I'm a supplementer and I love being able to use formula here and there. I love breastfeeding too, but I welcome a bottle! I feel guilty saying that. Like many of you, it’s been inculcated into my brain that not only is breast best, breast is a must and if you choose not to breastfeed, you are failing in a major way. Sound familiar? It's boring already, no?

The highlight of Rosin’s excellent article is this shocker: there is no conclusive evidence that breast is that much better than formula feeding. Rosin writes upon comprehensively reviewing the medical literature,

 "....After a couple of hours, the basic pattern became obvious: the medical literature looks nothing like the popular literature. It shows that breast-feeding is probably, maybe, a little better; but it is far from the stampede of evidence that Sears describes. More like tiny, unsure baby steps: two forward, two back, with much meandering and bumping into walls. A couple of studies will show fewer allergies, and then the next one will turn up no difference. Same with mother-infant bonding, IQ, leukemia, cholesterol, diabetes. Even where consensus is mounting, the meta studies—reviews of existing studies—consistently complain about biases, missing evidence, and other major flaws in study design. “The studies do not demonstrate a universal phenomenon, in which one method is superior to another in all instances,” concluded one of the first, and still one of the broadest, meta studies, in a 1984 issue of Pediatrics, “and they do not support making a mother feel that she is doing psychological harm to her child if she is unable or unwilling to breastfeed.” Twenty-five years later, the picture hasn’t changed all that much. So how is it that every mother I know has become a breast-feeding fascist?

And all that breast feeding leaves little time for other pursuits. As Lisa Belkin noted on the Motherlode, "Rosin... wonders if “it was not the vacuum that was keeping me and my 21st-century sisters down, but another sucking sound.”

"It is impossible," Rosin writes, “to do meaningful, full-time, wage-earning work while feeding a baby only breast milk for the first six months (which is the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics).”

It's a sad fact, but true unless you're able to work at home. I put Rosin’s question to the BlogHer community and got some passionate responses and links to their writings on the topic of how and when they decided to stop breastfeeding.

Renee, who blogs at Cutie Bootie Cakes responded to me:   

“I returned to working full time when my son was about 4 months old. He was exclusively breastfeed, which meant I was a walking zombie. To say it was difficult to feed him and manage a department of 35 and a $65M budget is an understatement. Needless to say, I resigned after being back on the job for 3 months.

Even though her boss was supportive and supplied a pumping room, she left. Now she works part time.

Liz Gumbinner pointed me to her writing on her decision to wean as she began traveling for work. She had six great months of breastfeeding, and then she stopped, and it was still great. What a wonderful, affirming thing to read. No guilt or regrets. How rare in motherhood lit.

Rita Arens wanted her boobs back, and writes, “I see the breastfeeding choice the same as any other choice about a woman's body: her choice to use her body the way she sees fit. I felt the judgment when I declared I was so done with breastfeeding, but it was my body, and I wasn't comfortable with it. I don't apologize for making the best choices I can for my body and my mental health.” I love that she frames breastfeeding as a choice issue!

Leslie Madsen Brooks pointed me to Our Stolen Future, with this chilling quote: “In just six months of breast feeding, a baby in the United States and Europe gets the maximum recommended lifetime dose of dioxin, which rides through the food web like PCBs and DDT.  The same breast feeding baby gets five times the allowable daily level of PCBs set by international health standards for a 150-pound adult.”

Oh god, is breastfeeding bad for my baby? How would I explain that choice? High fructose corn syrup in the formula pales in comparison to Dioxin.

Like so many things with parenting, there is no clear and easy choice. But I think if more women could know that not breastfeeding (especially if it’s a choice, not a necessity) is NOT bad for their child, how wonderful it would be. How freeing. And then you could worry about something else.

Comments

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breastfeeding and working

March 18, 2009 - 6:57pm

I went back to work part time when baby #1 was 5 weeks old.  Went back full time when baby #2 was 5.5 months old.  Both were exclusively breastfed.  I pumped every two hours while I answered emails at work (I tried making calls, but people could hear the woosh, woosh and got creeped out).  I breastfed for a total of 34 months altogether while working full time for 14 of those months.  It can be done, with a flexible enough schedule and a plan.

 

Maternity leave

March 18, 2009 - 9:02pm

This is why I think long-term paid maternity leave is so important.  Because juggling breastfeeding and working is hard.  It can be done, but that doesn't mean it's easy, or that everyone will find it manageable.

 I'm Canadian, and we are able to take a full year off with our babies.  It means that we don't have to juggle pumping, or deal with supplemental feeding (if we choose not to).  How you feed your baby is your choice.  But I also think society needs to support new mothers and babies in getting off to the best start.  Having the freedom to spend the early months together is one way to do that.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

 

I agree. I'm another

March 21, 2009 - 7:17pm

I agree. I'm another Canadian mom on mat leave and I just cannot fathom leaving an infant and returning to work within the first few months. ESPECIALLY if you breastfeed, but even if you don't. Because feeding breast milk out of a bottle is not the same thing anyway. You can read more about how I think Rosin's article might impact the push toward longer, paid maternity leaves in the US in my blog post, Breast Case Scenario. 

Rebecca

Check in with me regularly.

playgroundconfidential.com

 

Every decision has benefits and drawbacks

March 18, 2009 - 10:45pm

I love this post. It's time to acknowledge that women who do not breastfeed - for whatever reason - are not harming their babies. (My friend Alex Elliot, who started a blog about formula feeding when she was harassed about bottle feeding her sons, always says, "It's not like formula is rat poison! It keeps babies alive!") I was formula fed, as was my sister, my husband, my brother-in-law, and many of my friends, and I like to think that we turned out fine. (OK, maybe I'm not a great example...)

Plus, if infancy is important bonding time, dads and other non-lactating parents should get to be involved, too!

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

 

Thanks for the pointer to Flexible parenting

March 19, 2009 - 11:49am

http://flexibleparenting.com/

It's so important to get those voices out there!

 Morra Aarons-Mele
www.womenandwork.org

 

Breast May Not Be Best

March 19, 2009 - 5:22am

Kerry Anne Ducey

 With my first child, i quit my job (teaching) and was resigned to stay home, breast feed, and be a full-time mommy.  Well...things didn't go as planned. Soon after giving birth, I realized that breastfeeding didn't come easy or naturally to some.  I had painful sores, little milk, and little to no support from family.  I continued on... trying; calling the hospital for help and advice, determined to pump through the pain and give my first-born the best of me. 

 I soon began feeling very blue, inadequate and frustrated.  I cried a lot.  The crying didn't stop.  I decided to give up the breast and go to the bottle.  The crying continued.  I had terrible insomnia.  I went to the doctor who prescribed anti-anxiety meds (this was 15 years ago).  The meds didn't help,  When I found myself in the bathtub (not taking a bath, just curled up in the corner) I knew I had finally lost control.  Still, my doctor did not consider post-partum depression, I self-diagnosed it. 

 Without counseling or meds (I stopped taking the anti-anxiety pills), I got through it.  It took a solid year to get on my feet and finally sleep again.  Yuck! It was an awful year. 

After 4 years, I decided to give pregnancy another go.  I talked to my new doctor and explained my undiagnosed post partum.  He watched me carefully.  He suggested that I bottlefeed.  It was amazing.  I never realized i could love a newborn so much or feel up to visitors after giving birth.  I loved it so much, I got pregnant again 3 mos. after giving birth.  Again, I felt great.

 I don't know if my post-partum was entirely due to breast feeding (I tend to think it was a combination of factors) but it surely didn't help matters.  It wasn't what was best for me or for my baby and I am over the fact that I am inadequate because it didn't work.  It's not best for everybody or every "body".

 

 

Thanks for such a great

March 19, 2009 - 7:57am

Thanks for such a great post!  I've been nursing my son for almost a year now, and have been supplementing with a bottle of formula every evening after a nursing session since he was a month old.  I'm unable to produce enough milk for him, at least by that time of day, and I felt extremely guilty about this for a long time.  But more and more I find articles and posts about the benefits of bottlefeeding, and am not so hung up on it anymore.  I was formula fed, as were 3 of my 4 brothers, and of all of us, it was my yougest brother (who was breastfed) who was the smallest and had more frequent colds when we were growing up (according to my parents).  Not sure if it relates to his being nursed, but it is interesting.

I agree that it's time to stop making women feel guilty about giving formula to their children, after all, like one commenter wrote, it's not like it's rat poison!

And what a great observation about breastfeeding not necessarily being "free."

Thanks!

http://katydidandkid.blogspot.com

 

Breast Wasn't Best for Me

March 19, 2009 - 10:07am

My first baby latched like a champ. Too bad my breasts were barely producing any milk. To make it even more fun, I was sobbing through most feedings. After two weeks, when she was still losing weight and the doctor said I could supplement and try drugs to increase my production (homeopathic remedies were no help), or I could quit altogether, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I quit. Everyone in my household was happier from that moment on.

(Note: My formula-fed, daycare-attending toddler has been sick about 1/5 as often as her exclusively breastfed cousins with a stay-at-home mom.)

With my first baby, I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter because I wasn't producing milk. With the baby I am now carrying, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should even try. I was nearly there in deciding not to, and this post has helped me finally make the decision. Formula feeding is the right solution for me and my family.

I have no regrets about not continuing to try to breastfeed my first baby and I have no guilt about not trying to breastfeed my next baby.

 

It isn't difficult for everyone

March 19, 2009 - 10:33am

I've read all of the reaction to this article with great interest. Unfortunately, I think Rosin took her own personal story and personal decision and tried to project it on a whole gender. Some women choose to stay home with their babies and they should be valued too (Rosin suggests that not being "gainfully" employed is somehow less worthy). I also take exception to the thought that working and pumping is all but impossible. I made it work and continued until my son was 12 months old and my daughter was 18 months old.

I do think many countries (especially the United States) need more generous parental leave programs. But I also think that even if leave is provided, employers need to do more to accomodate lactating mothers that do choose to go back to work. As a feminist, I would advocate for choice. Not for making one route or the other route easiest, but trying to make the choice as free as possible for all women. 

There has been lots of interesting discussion of this on my blog too, including my post on why I don't consider breastfeeding anti-feminist and also my roundup of other posts on the topic

Annie

PhD in Parenting - http://phdinparenting.com

 

It IS a choice

March 19, 2009 - 11:54am

When reading your comments, i'm struck mostly by our gratefulness that choosing how to feed your baby is a personal choice, and whatever we choose is ok.

That, more than anything, is the important message I think.It's our choice, and it's ok!

When I read Kerry Anne's moving account I was struck by the suggestion of her helpful pediatrician- so sensible and enlightened a piece of advice:

"After 4 years, I decided to give pregnancy another go.  I talked to my new
doctor and explained my undiagnosed post partum.  He watched me
carefully.  He suggested that I bottlefeed.  It was amazing.  I never
realized i could love a newborn so much or feel up to visitors after
giving birth.  I loved it so much, I got pregnant again 3 mos. after
giving birth.  Again, I felt great."

 

Morra Aarons-Mele
www.womenandwork.org

 

FINALLY!

March 19, 2009 - 1:30pm

thank you for posting this!  after my son was born and showed that he was allergic to my breastmilk, i felt like an alien.  NO ONE believed me and i felt completely alone because i don't think breast is necessarily best, as was the case with my child.  

 my blog was created out of the insane journey we have been on with my son as a result of all of this, but THANK YOU for finally saying what i needed to hear, and what i think so many women need to hear.

 

http://www.mybottlesup.com

 

Thanks

March 19, 2009 - 1:35pm

I've never really told that story so I appreciate your positive feedback Morra.  In fact, my business now is to tell stories other than my own (Your Start Up Story) and breastfeeding in far from a start-up story!

I just feel that it is sad that my postpartum was not picked up by my obgyn...it sucked a year from my life and I had such a tough time enjoying being a mom.  I think I'm a pretty intuitive person, but I didn't know I was depressed.  My son is now 15 and I thank God I snapped out of it.  With some help, I could have snapped out a whole lot sooner. 

 I am a breastfeeding advocate if breastfeeding is what's best for the mom and baby.  But, if the mother is not enjoying it, chances are, neither is the baby. 

Kerry Anne Ducey

 

both sides

March 21, 2009 - 5:00pm

I breastfed my son exclusively until he was about 9 months old.  He actually weand himself at 6 months or so but luckily I had frozen enough pumped milk to last a few more months.  I worked full time while breastfeeding and honestly while I wasn't one of those women who seem to be a natural with, I can't say it was all that difficult for me to balance, especially because I had a good pump and stored milk as much as I could.

My daughter, however, had an allergy to my milk (yes, it's true - I'm not making it up) and as much as I tried, my milk only made her scream in agony.  So we switched to a hypoallergenic formula and she's been fine ever since.

I will admit that formula feeding was easier for me but mainly for selfish reasons.  It was easier to go places and took less time for me to prepare.  Maybe I am old-fashioned, and I'm certainly a Christian, but I do believe we were designed to breast-feed our children.  I'm not saying everyone can and I'm certainly not judgemental of anyone's choice - it is theirs to make.  But I think we are all too busy today. Our schedules leave less and less time for the people in our lives and we cram more and more "stuff" into them so at the end of the day,certain things that should be enjoyed and cherished are mistaken for yet another thing you "have" to do.

Again, it is every woman's choice how they want to feed their child and I don't judge.  Trust me.  I have gotten more disbelieving looks about my daughter's allergy than you could imagine.  But I also think that is just another thing that our society and our culture has managedto steal from us.  A woman who has to work is often forced to formula feed because she doesn't have the flexibility of routine pumping breaks or an understanding employer.

 What's That Smell?

 

breastmilk allergy

March 23, 2009 - 7:40am

A child isn't allergic to your breastmilk, per se, but to what YOU are eating. Simple elimination diets can allow a mother -- if she wishes -- to breastfeed a child with food allergies. (I know from experience. My son is allergic to milk, eggs, wheat, peanuts and tree nuts and was breastfed for 22.5 months.)

 

 

The Bottle Won't Scar Your Child For Life

March 21, 2009 - 6:56pm

I was going to breastfeed my son, then when he was born he spent a few days
in the NICU where they started him on the bottle. After that he just wouldn't
eat from anything but the bottle, even though I tried. So I gave in to the
bottle. And I have to tell you I'm glad I did. I didn't have to pump, anyone who
was around - dad, grandma, grandpa - could help feed him and give me a break. I
didn't have to worry about privacy when we were out. Today he's a bright,
healthy 4 year old and is in the 95 percentile for his height. I don't think he
was a damaged at all by being bottle fed.

Breastfeeding is a choice. If you can commit to it and you love it, do it. If
you can't commit because of your circumstances or you just don't want to, then
don't. Your kid will be OK either way. There's nothing to feel guilty about. 

Mommie Daze

 

Working and pumping is NOT impossible

March 21, 2009 - 6:58pm

With my first son, I went back to work when he was 6 weeks old. He breastfed exclusively for 6 months, and continued until he was 19 months, the last 5 of which were only once at night. So I pumped at work for 14 months. I worked 40 hours a week, with a scheduled lunch and 2 scheduled 15 minute breaks. I will not disagree that it was definitely a time commitment, and there were many days I wished I could just sit on my break and do nothing, but I felt that what I was doing was best for my son and I pushed through it. I do not regret it for a moment. And my work was quite meaningful. I was not the primary wage-earner in my house, but my job did provide my family's benefits. I breastfed my second son and since I only worked part-time, I didn't have the need to pump as much, and it was still a time commitment, but still not impossible.

So, maybe Hanna Rosin felt it was impossible to work and breastfeed, but that is not the case for every woman. There are many women in my office who pump and work full time, and, like me, they manage. I feel that generalizations like Rosin's may discourage women from even trying to do something that is very natural and good for their children because it then seems more daunting than it actually is. 

 

It's up to the Mommy

March 21, 2009 - 7:01pm

I birthed 3 children in 39 months.  I breastfed all 3 of them. When I had my first daughter I returned to a full time inflexible job when she was 6 weeks old.  I pumped in the bathroom on my break (there wasn't a seperate facility) and nursed her for 6 months.  15 months later I had my son.  I took one year off with him, while I attended college full time.  I pumped in my car between classes and nursed him for 9 months.  16 months later I gave birth to my second daughter.  I ran an in home daycare at that time with 9 children plus 3 of my own and an assistant.  I nursed her while working, until she was 9 months old.  It doesn't require part time work, flexible schedules, or understanding bosses to nurse your children.  It requires a commitment on the part of the mother and it doesn't hurt to have a cooperative baby :). This decision isn't for every mother...it is an individual decision.  The point of my post is...it is VERY possible to nurse your baby, while working full time, or going to school full time, or while caring for 9 other children and having 3 children of my own under 4! It isn't easy, in fact, no part of parenting has been easy (especially now that I have 3 teenagers)  but it is definitely possible!  

 

You Know...

March 21, 2009 - 11:04pm

You can have all the (what you believe to be) best laid plans regarding nourishing a growing baby BEFORE that baby actually arrives and when the time (and baby) actually comes, they can be shot all to hell!

Each child (and breast) is different and there is no way to know how your baby will take to the breast or how you will (or will not) take to breastfeeding until you give it a go!  While I was lucky to have a relatively easy time nursing all 3 of my children, let me tell you - they were all extremely different, which had a lot to do with the longevity of the breastfeeding, whether or not I supplemented, and the routine which worked for our family.

I breastfed my 1st for exactly 1 year.  He didn't mind a bottle once in a while so I was able to supplement if I was away from him (although this was rare) on a "date night" w/my husband.  He was a hungry little guy though and woke at night to nurse, which left me exhausted beyond belief.

My 2nd was a BIG baby!  He ate ALOT at each feeding and was quickly learning to fill his tummy so he (and I) could enjoy sleeping for 5 hours each night!  I had 1 infection while nursing him and although I would have gone an entire year, he was too interested in his big brother and other ways of getting food so he was mostly weaned around 10 months...give or take.

My 3rd...a nightmare in this department.  She would NOT take a bottle, not matter who, no matter what was in it.  She was colicky.  I had to change my diet.  I could not have a bit of caffeine, or dairy.  She nursed until 1 year old like my 1st, but went straight to a cup...never ever drank from a bottle.  She would have scared the you know what out of me had she been my first!

So yes, I understand that breastfeeding is not necessarily "free" in the terms that it is a lot of work for a mom.  But I don't think you really know until you are having the experience...what it will truly be like.  And even if you've done it before, each baby and situation is different.

We're lucky we have more options and support for them than generations before us.  We really are.

Carrie at Stop Screaming I'm Driving!

 

I can't believe what I am hearing

March 22, 2009 - 7:54pm

 Yes, breast is best. The medical literature does prove it. And don't you think if breastfeeding transmits environmental toxins that EVERYTHING DOES? Babies who are breastfed are healthier, the mother's risk of certain cancers is lower.  The results are out there just google it, I don't have time to link it, and it is proven. 

Yes, you have to do what is best for you. I don't fault that. Some women do have trouble with breastfeeding.   But to measure it in terms of how much a mother's time is worth?  Why have the baby if you are going to worry about whether or not he or she is going to waste your time by requiring you to take care of him!  This is nonsense.

 Babies are babies for a very short amount of time, and whether you think so or not, that time goes by quickly, and will be over.  You can't get that time back. 

Who says, "Gosh, I should have spent more time working instead of spending time with my kids?"  Once they are older, you can always go back to work.

 I have known many, many women who pumped while working in order to give their babies pumped breastmilk.  It isn't an either/or situation.

But if you are home, there is no reason not to nurse. I nursed all three of mine, they are older now.  They are rarely sick.  And the time spent nursing is among my most treasured memories as a mother.

 Don't cheat yourself out of it due to your own selfishness.  Babies are worth the investment.

 ETA: Don't Tell Me Motherhood Sucks

T

Send Chocolate

 

Geez, it ain't THAT hard to do!

March 22, 2009 - 6:12pm

Okay, the first few weeks of breastfeeding my first son were hard. Very. But once we got used to it? Oh, bliss! Why would anyone think that getting up in the night to make a bottle is easier than rolling over and popping in a boob? I would have thought that breastfeeding at night would be the obvious choice for every working mother. A chance to nourish my baby physically and emotionally while sleeping? Bring it on!

Come on, breastfeeding wasn't THAT difficult for this working mama. And even if it is only a "little bit" better than formula, I want the best for my three sons. And breast is STILL best.

http://www.thingsivefoundinpockets.blogspot.com/

 

Seriously!

March 23, 2009 - 6:56am

I breastfed my daughter for 16.5 months (returning to work after 3 months) and my son for 22.5 months (returning to work after 3 months). I worked 40 hours a week with significant responsibilities at a major metro news outlet.

Was it "easy"? No. Making time for pumping was just something I was committed to doing. I think it was far from impossible.

And nursing at nighttime was soooo much easier than having to schlep down to get fix a bottle. Nothing like having a baby screaming for food during those precious minutes.

 

Oh for the love!

March 22, 2009 - 7:55pm

It is a serious time commitment that pretty much guarantees that you will not work in any meaningful way.

 

 Seriously? I am a momma to seven amazing children and have managed to accomplish many meaningful "tasks" in my years of breastfeeding.

Because my children were, and are, my number one priority, I just never took a job which prevented me from being able to breastfeed them.

Women are great at accomplishing goals. If breastfeeding is a goal and priority, women can and will do it.

 

good point

March 23, 2009 - 7:38am

I also find that bit about "Meaningful work" somewhat offensive. I'm a single (recently divorced) mom who runs a business from her home. It's me that supports my 4 kids, not their Dad who doesn't breastfeed and never has.

I don't get it.

 

I hate this post

March 22, 2009 - 9:23pm

I hate this post because all I can think about after reading it is that I poisoned my son by breastfeeding him exclusively for his first year of life. (The quote about Dioxin and PCBs).

I think there are probably a lot of other good points in the discussion, but this tidbit is eclipsing all, and freaking haunting me.

Um... thanks?

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork 

 

Hmmm...

March 22, 2009 - 10:01pm

The comments here are proving the point of how highly individual this topic is. For some it is easy for some it is impossible. Many fall somewhere in between.

The debate about nursing or not can get more heated and judgment filled than many topics that are discussed about parenting. It seems like the line between education and forcing decisions on people get blurred more frequently than other topics. (Everyone here has been respectful, I'm thinking more about other places this debate has raged online and in person.)

I think that it is best to remember what works for some does not for others and to try to respect the feeding decisions made by other mothers since it is not our boobs and not our babies in question.

Just my 2-cents, though.

 

Dioxin in only mom's milk?

March 23, 2009 - 7:36am

I want to just comment on the one issue and that is dioxin and other pollutants in mom's milk. The same pollutants will show up on cow's milk from which formula is made, and studies show that breastfed babies exposed to pesticides in their mom's milk fare better than their formula fed counterparts.

While I understand the author's point that breastfeeding takes time and that exclusive breast milk feeding is difficult for some, I feel the obligation to point this out. 

 

 

Thank you

March 23, 2009 - 8:05am

I appreciate having that additional information! Thank you.

For what it's worth, I didn't totally state my situation in my last post. I did in fact supplement with formula during my son's early weeks as my milk supply was low. It's SUCH a complicated subject.The nurses at my hospital were afraid to suggest we do it, but my poor baby had been crying from hunger for three days. I have another friend whose baby almost died because she didn't realize the baby was starving on breastmilk only -- didn't know the excessive sleep was a sign. She wasn't instructed, didn't have the info on what to look for.

In my case, the MINUTE we gave him some supplemental formula, he became a completely different very happy baby. But because of the Breat is Best campaign, I always felt guilt about it. And I definitely could have given him more formula but did not b/c of fears/concerns that breastfeeding was the only way to go.

I have many many friends who feel guilty about formula feeding -- especially those whose babies spent a week or more in the NICU after birth, and I am grateful for them that this discussion is happening. We all need to feel good about the choices we make for ourselves and the health of our babies.

 

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork 

 

Loralee's right

March 23, 2009 - 9:14am

It's entirely personal AND everyone's circumstances are different. Those who found it "easy" to pump may have had jobs that were conducive to doing so. All jobs are different, just as all PEOPLE and their BOOBS are different.

 I'm breastfeeding exclusively right now, and while it's true, I have the tiniest of newborns and am in the throes of a very challenging time, I would be shocked if my constitution could handle working full time the way I used to (as a journalist, with lots of time on the road and out in the field) and pump. In fact, sorry, I know I couldn't, because many of my assignments required sitting in long meetings for more than three hours at a time. And sometimes I was outside for as many as six hours at a clip. Many of my friends with different, office-type jobs, had different experiences and could make it work. It's nice to say you could never take a job that prevented you from breastfeeding, but realistically, most women don't have that option, as their skills and personal finances may have different requirements. Gawd. 

 I'm lucky in that when I do decide to go back to work, it will likely be from home.  Which is, as Morra said, the best-case scenario for breastfeeding. 

I hate this conversation as its playing out in some of the comments here, and it comes up ALL THE FRACKING TIME, because no one will ever agree. Someone will ALWAYS say "I did it, and so can you!" like their experience is UNIVERSAL and should be applied to everyone unilaterally.  That being said, Morra, this was framed in a way that was constructive and thought-provoking, and as a new mom, hot damn, it made me think about a lot of things, but mostly how fortunate I am to have boobs that work without issue AND the time to manage them with my kid. I wish we could all remember that not everyone is that lucky, and THAT IS OKAY. 

www.jonniker.com

 

however ...

March 23, 2009 - 9:20am

You say: "I hate this conversation as its playing out in some of the comments here, and it comes up ALL THE FRACKING TIME, because no one will ever agree. Someone will ALWAYS say "I did it, and so can you!" like their experience is UNIVERSAL and should be applied to everyone unilaterally."

However, that is the VERY issue that many of us are taking exception to. Think about it. The original post was all about how IMPOSSIBLE it is to work in a meaningful way AND breastfeed. The original post posited her experience as universal.

So don't be surprised if people counter that in *their* experience there was a different result.

 

 

Well, yes

March 23, 2009 - 12:10pm

But since their experience is supposedly the "right" answer-- at least in terms of Mommy Wars -- it feels a lot more judgmental than the alternative.

 

www.jonniker.com

 
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