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Help for Parents Whose Kids Won't Do Their Homework

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Boy (6-8) using protractor, focus on pot of pencils, close up

There are always kids who love to read, love to study, and find true fulfillment in school work and expanding their minds. And then you have the other 95% of children -- those who would rather be outside playing with friends, riding bikes or watching SpongeBob. If you are like me, you may have a child who fits the second parameter. How in the world do you help encourage your child?

First, create a good study location for your child. Make it a friendly, welcoming and warm place, near you so that you can be available for guidance, support and redirection. Offer a snack, allow your child to get the wiggles out, and then have her sit down and start the work. Allow breaks every 15 minutes, and be available to help your child get back to studying.

Be in contact with your child's teacher. Maybe she has some guidance as to subjects at which your child excels, and quite possibly, she has encountered a reluctant student in the past. Is it at all possible that your child has a learning disability? We discovered that one of my children has a processing disorder, that combined with dysgraphia and ADD, made learning a monumentally uphill struggle. With proper guidance and careful medication, the results astounded all of us.

Is reading material the stumbling block for your child? Take your child with you to the bookstore and allow him to pick out his own preferred books. Don't underestimate the power of a cartoon book -- my own son loves to read the Calvin and Hobbes series as well as the Zits books, and he has become a phenomenal reader. Don't forget to let him see you enjoy reading! Talk about books that you have enjoyed and why you liked them, and encourage your child to share his favorite. Talk about an alternate ending.

Pick a subject that appeals to your child -- rocks, lizards, dinosaurs, cars, ballet -- and do a weekend unit of study. Let your child see that research doesn't have to be a dry and inorganic matter of sitting at a desk and reading boring textbooks. Find ways to bring the subject matter to life. Don't forget field trips, hands on experimentation and even play acting. Show your reluctant student that learning doesn't begin and end at school but occurs all day long, year round.

Finally, make homework a non-negotiable issue. Find the time that works best for your family, make a schedule and stick to it. A child with many after school activities may need to do homework after dinner, while a younger child may do best to complete homework right after school. Teenagers with jobs will need to learn time management and strategies for fitting their activities in without sacrificing their sleep. Above all, try to avoid making homework a power struggle. If you stay calm and in control, you might be very surprised at how much the battle decreases!

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HomeRearedChef 917 pts

My children were homeschooled, and I have no regrets. They got up at a reasonable time, did all the work required by the curriculum, enjoyed playtime, and scored in the high 90th percentile in their SAT. They went to college and have thus received their degrees.

How sad that now I watch my grandsons (9 and 10) struggle with so much homework everyday, when they just want to go out and play after a full day of school! I find the system to be too rigid and ridiculous. Sigh!

Thank you for your post!

~Virginia

kyooty 6 pts

To everything. I can see the value in homework as it shows me what my kids are learning, or where they are having problems so that when I get to a Parent conference I can say "I find he(I only have he(s)<-still looks wrong) is having a hard time with punctuation" or whatever.

There is another side though. Family time is hard to come by. I have one child that goes to sleep at 630pm! I can't imagine how this will work out come September. He will have to get up at 630am to get the bus, and then behome at 2.45pm? I'll only see him for those few hours.

Lisse 11 pts

As a parent, I find homework very valuable even it is frustrating at times.

Homework allows me a window into what my child is learning at school. Neither of my sons is likely to talk about this unless it is something super-exciting or unusually hard. Homework helps me to know where they are struggling and where they are not being challenged enough.

The implication that a teacher who gives homework is not doing her job in the 6 hours alloted to her is more than a little disturbing. As if all they did was open a bin and scoop in the knowledge.

Opposition to homework always surprises me, but I think it is all part of the rampant anti-intellectualism that is so pervasive in the is country. ( http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/07/opinion/07herber... ) 15 minutes is too much? Really? No wonder Texas had to lower TASP reading levels to improve test scores. It's the reason you could cut a math or language program with no problems, but hell, cut into a school sports program and watch the parents scream bloody murder.

Sad. Stupid and sad.

Turn off American Idol and use your brain.

But in answer to Amanda75's question, as a professional, I do bring work home frequently, and I'm often more productive when I do so. A few hours away from a project gives me a new perspective. I've had time to absorb and process the material and I'm ready to work with it in a whole new way.

THAT is what homework is for.

- Lisse

@ Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com )

Grace Hwang Lynch 46 pts

I understand the homework battle all too well!

Amanda75 has a good point. Sometimes, the amount of homework assigned is not appropriate for the age level or the particular child.

Especially in the younger grades, I think it's important to emphasize the homework that addresses the areas YOUR child needs practice. You should talk to your child's teacher, and explain how your son or daughter reacts to the assignments.

I've also blogged on the homework issue:
http://hapamama.com/2008/09/not-until-you-do-your-...

Grace Hwang Lynch blogs about life in an Asian mixed race family at www.HapaMama.com ( http://www.HapaMama.com )

Melissa Ford 42 pts

Fantastic advice. Am bookmarking this for later use :-)

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

tropicalmom 6 pts

Maybe homeschoooling is not always the answer, but it is definitely something to think about, and that is what the original commenter said to do. Think about it.

My question to those teachers out there, is why are you giving homework in the first place? Why can't you cover all that needs to be covered for the subjects in the 6 hours you have our children?

I'm not asking this question out of ignorance as I have been a teacher in the system and can answer the question for you. Just curious to know what other teachers will say is the answer. I found that the only reason I gave homework was when a child could not finish an assignment in class. Or for special projects that required more time than we were given for the subject. Schools regiment the time and in dealing with 20+ kids at a time, you often deal with more discipline issues, lessening your teaching time. It is really unfair to the kids to be put in these situations. Children should be allowed to go home after school and pursue that which interests them, not spend their time doing homework.

And to the commenter who mentioned 15 min. of homework per grade level. Do you realize how much homework that would mean for a 12th grader? 3 hours! I actually know of schools who implement this rule! Many seniors are also working in order to save for college so can you imagine what their free time looks like? Non existent.

I say ban homework. Or homeschool your children.

HomeRearedChef 917 pts

I loved what you had to say here!

~Virginia

tropicalmom

midnightbliss 8 pts

sometimes it also helps to give your child rewards. when i was in grade school, i always have a reward if i do good in school and that motivates me to study hard.

alanamorales 5 pts

First of all, GREAT info presented here. As a veteran teacher if even half of our parents actually followed these tips on a consistent basis, students would be doing significantly better in school. I would only add to remain in contact on a regular basis. If you have a concern, don't wait until the report card to ask about it.

This is in relation to the commenter above - if a child is taking too long on homework, it is not necessarily the schools fault. There may be an undiagnosed learning disability, for instance. It is not fair that you hold the public education system responsible for this, when the issue may be much bigger than that.

Homeschooling is NOT always the answer.

Bryony Boxer 5 pts

I agree that the most important thing is to avoid making it into a power struggle. Good tips!

--

Bryony Boxer

The Baby Bunch ( http://www.babybunch.com/ )

Amigram 5 pts

There's a great website called guysread.com which lists books that entice boys into reading. They are sorted into categories like “ghosts,” “boxers, "wrestlers", "ultimate fighters,” and “at least one explosion." In other words, subjects boys really like.

According to a recent report, our boys are falling behind in reading in every state. Here's more information: http://blog.amigram.com/parenting-and-grandparenti... ( http://blog.amigram.com/parenting-and-grandparenti... )

Amigram.com Life's Happy Announcements ( http://www.amigram.com/ )
Amigram blog for mommas, nannas and families ( http://blog.amigram.com/ )

texasebeth 38 pts

In TX most school districts mandate no more than 15mins of homework per grade level. So a Kindergartener should only have 15mins max, a 1st grader 30mins max, etc.

If it seems like a lot is being assigned, be sure to check the district's policies. Then always communicate your concerns, if any, to the teacher about the amount being assigned daily.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

amanda75 5 pts

Why doesn't anyone see a problem with kids being in school 6-8 hours a day, then coming home and doing 1-4 more hours of work? I'm a 35-year-old mother of 2. I did 13 years in the public school system. I'm well aware of all the "reasons" for homework. Maybe instead of fighting with your kids about homework, you ask them calmly why they don't like doing it. Don't assume it's because they're being lazy or don't care. In many cases, it's because they already know the information and they're bored because it's "busy work". Or maybe they're tired because they got up at 6 AM to get ready for school. Or they don't understand the assignment or the lesson and they're frustrated but don't know how to tell you.
Or maybe it's time to consider the possibility that if you're having to guide your child through his or her homework anyway, you're doing the school's job. Look into homeschooling. It's not that hard, especially if you're already helping with homework, and instead of 7-12 hours of your child's day being spent on "school", you're down to 4-5 hours a day with much more accomplished.
Just something to think about...