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I Quit Drinking and Expected Applause

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When I first quit drinking and told people about it, I had three typical responses:

Apathy: many people really didn't care either way. Either they weren't close enough to me to realize I had a problem, or were unaffected by it. For the most part, their own relationships to alcohol were such that they didn't really think very much about addiction.

Disdain/Fear: Some people insisted that I didn't have a problem at all and was being somewhat reactionary. As a result, I think they were suddenly concerned about how I would view their drinking habits. (aka - if I didn't have a problem and thought I did, would I look at them and decide they did as well?) There are the same people who suddenly don't know how to invite me out with them, because they suddenly realized how many activities revolve around drinking.

Distrust: Because I'd promised and promised already, some people who were close to me just didn't trust me to follow through on this new promise.

Keep reading What? No Ticker Tape Parade...

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Weewaughs
Weewaughs 5 pts

I applaude you!! That is wonderful news and I am sure it was extremely difficult. Almost one year ago we lost a young man in our small community (about 800 people) due to alcohol. He was a friend of almost everyone in town - young and old. Stay strong and conquer :). May God bless you! Lori

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returntonormal
returntonormal 5 pts

Thank you all for sharing your stories and experiences. I'm so thankful for the support I *have* received and also for those who've pushed back. Ultimately, as someone who was always such a people-pleaser, it has been very good to learn to look inward for strength in my sobriety.

And, on the other side of the fence, I follow the 3 C's: "we didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it" when it comes to someone else's drinking. The same goes for their sobriety. It comes down to accountability and honesty.

Thanks so much for reading.

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jillkd
jillkd 5 pts

In fact, I've been sober 8 years, and truthfully, most people I know don't even realize it. Except for very close friends, I just don't tell people that I don't drink. Frankly, I was shocked that they didn't notice. The ones who do notice (usually to really try and get me to drink) are probably the ones who should join me.

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Surviving Five
Surviving Five 5 pts

My husband has been sober for 4 years now and he got a lot of the same reaction. People accused him of not being "fun" anymore, they teased him and gave him a hard time about his decision. Becoming sober meant losing a lot of friends in the process but none of them were very good friends to begin with. Good luck to you and focus on one day at a time.

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FOODalogue
FOODalogue 5 pts

It's your decision and the response of others, while welcome, is not important. Stay with it...for you!

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Conversation from Facebook

Niki Lyn Hampton
Niki Lyn Hampton

My husband has almost 6 years clean and sober. I stopped using the same time he did though I didn't have an addiction problem. I drank wine for awhile after until I started bi-polar meds and it interacted BIG time. I stopped drinking then and have seen some friends fade out of my life. It gives you the chance to see who is really there to support you and who was there to just hang out.

Karin Stienemeier
Karin Stienemeier

i have been sober for 22 years. did it on my own to avoid the clinic. 9 months of hell that i survived by asking myself every time i needed a drink what the real problem was and then examining it rather than just "medicating". it was hard but worth it. some day when everyone around you is drunk you'll think geez i'm so glad it's not me anymore!! good luck

Kristen Noia
Kristen Noia

Having also grown up with an alcoholic parent who "quit drinking" and then fell back off the wagon over and over again, breaking so many promises and hurting so many people in the process, I have to agree with Angie. I try to be supportive, but I have a tough time trusting the person until their actions over time show that they truly have changed.

Carpool Goddess
Carpool Goddess

I like your parade idea. You don't need anyone making you feel bad.

Kim Iverson
Kim Iverson

It's the same when you lose weight. Suddenly you're "anorexic." Apparently most find it more acceptable to be unhealthy and complain than be better.

Angie Rapids
Angie Rapids

The drinking friends of former drinkers often feel threatened. Some often accuse the new non-drinker of trying to be 'better' than the old drinking friends. It is emotional blackmail. Misery loves company and many secretly want the ex-drinker to fall off the wagon and come back to the fold. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent and sometimes we non-drinkers get tired of hearing all the broken promises about quitting the habit. I tend to be one of those now who you have to show me you've changed before I can trust you again.

Hilary Cable
Hilary Cable

In my experience with an alcoholic parent, alcoholics build a network of people who support them in their drinking. Of course the network is threatened when the alcoholic declares herself an ex-drinker. The answer: a new supportive network. Kudos the the author for her bravery. I wish I could be there to cheer her on (without alcohol) in person. <3