What Sex and the City made me realize today.
What a Sunday! I have spent most of the day watching the second season of Sex and the City, my favorite show. I am still hurt that it is off the air. But the second season is all about Carrie who had broken up with her guy Mr. Big only to fall back into a relationship to ultimately fall yet break up and get her heart broken. Love the drama and chaos of it all really. But two things stood out in my mind that relates to my own bout of crazy relationships. #1 like a lot of women and espacially Carrie Bradshaw, I date the same type of man, over and over. #2 I now know I have had a Mr. Big in my midst.
If I look back on my dating history, which isn't that long, I can plainly say I have dated the same man who was just wrapped in different bodies. Lets see, characteristic wise, they are usually underachievers, they care only about themselves and they are generally men who can't be trusted.
D.W. is a guy I have history with. We hung out in college and after a while we ran into each other as bona fide adults and we have been friendly for about 6 years on and off. D.W. is such an underachiever that it is painful. In school he was an athlete, and he was teaching and he just seemed like a really cool upperclassman who was going places. Now he lives with, no mooches off his older brother, has no aspirations to change his situation, and every other month he is contemplating if he will get back with his girlfriend or not. He never really has a girlfriend, but he likes to feel like women want him and that he is a commodity. Every time he gives the story about his girlfriend I just go with it and let him have his space. He disappears for a few weeks and calls to tell me he broke up with her again.
D.T. is yet another one. I met him at my old job. He was so cool and sweet at first, nut his crazy soon fell out and exposed itself royally to me. D.T. is great for pretending that he wants to be in a relationship, that all he wants is a good woman who will care for him. What he fails to tell you is that whatever he says at one moment will be totally forgotten in the next. I asked this man to come and get a mouse that was on a trap in my apartment, he said he would be over in an hour. That hour came and went and he didn't come or call. He didn't even call the next day to give an excuse. What he did do was tell me how I should be in a relationship with him and I must be a lesbian if I don't want to be in a relationship with him. WOW! He is the same person who cries and explains how much he likes you but turns around and never returns calls or want to take you anywhere. All in all he has a strong crazy presence and its begging to kill someone.
Now for my number 2 situation. My Mr. Big. T.H. Wow, this one is a doozie. We were together for about 2 years. During that two years I was all about him. He lied about his age, I overlooked it, he lied about where he was, I overlooked it. I never met his friends, I just introduced him to more and more of mine. It was such a horrible whirlwind down a garbage disposal. The thing that actually broke us up was his battle cry lie. I knew there would be trouble forever after this one. He called and told me he was on him way to get drinks with his boys, wanted to let me know just in case I called and he couldn't pick up the phone. Soon after he called me though, his cell automatically called me back. What did I hear when I answered? T.H. and his date getting themselves together to go to some party. I was beside myself. Why would he do this. We just spent some time with his family out of town for Thanksgiving, we just came from my friend's Christmas party, why would he do this? He gave all the excuses he could, talked in all the circles he could until I just hung up. Then, somehow, the tables turned, I am not sure if he got mad at me or what kind of voodoo happened but I became the one who was wrong in the whole thing. I was in school and needed all my time to study so he thought it was best that we were apart. I, of course, in my stupidity asked him why he wouldn't just work on this. Ugh! I hate myself for being so vulnerable. Its been more than a year and we talk every once in a while and I still catch myself asking, why we never got married. I hate myself more and more with each question. He is my Big.
Unlike Carrie, however, I am not going to repeat all of my foolishness in 2011 or going forward. I have taken inventory of all the shitty men I know and I have decided that that whirlwind down the garbage disposal is just for them. I am not going to be a victim of there tomfoolery. I am starting fresh in 2011. I am equipped with some weapons of my own and I am going to have a beautiful dating life from now on.