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Last week, several posts on the greater meaning behind the words child-free or childless floated through the Internet, some said more eloquently than others. And not to toot our own horn, but the one that had the best discussion within the comment section appeared here on BlogHer and I don't think that was an accident despite the fact that it probably had the most diverse population reading the post than any other blog.
The comments were written by a broad audience of those with or without children and in both cases, due to a plethora of reasons ranging from choice to circumstance. There were differing opinions, though everyone stated their thoughts respectfully, taking into account the idea that everyone's circumspection needs to extend as far as the next person reading their words. It can't stop at a halfway point, only creating a bubble of thoughtfulness towards those like-minded. It needs to extend to every possible reader, who doesn't need to agree, but needs to be able to walk away unoffended.
The original post that everyone used as a jumping point to their own words took the opposite approach, with the author stating within her apology "Did I know I’d get a rise out of people? Yes. And yes, I was taking a jab at the child-free." The original post received over one hundred comments--an anomaly for the Orlando Sentinel blog posts which tend to get under 10 comments per post (and most receive one or none) and those comments were as vitriol-laced and angry as the original post.
And the obvious answer is that thoughtfulness begets thoughtfulness and thoughtlessness begets thoughtlessness. Laurie at BlogHer presented her reaction to the original post with thoughtful circumspection and in turn, commenters took her lead and added their own respectful ideas. Kim Hays wrote the original post trying to anger others and in turn, commenters came at her with anger. And it wasn't just an angry reaction from the group she intended to hurt. Her anger created anger in others as her commenters took the lead of the writer and spoke with the same disrespectful tone with which she used on her potential readers.
The idea of how do we communicate what is important to us without offending others has come into discussion in regards to IComLeavWe. The project attracts a lot of infertility bloggers because it started within our community, but it has since expanded to include bloggers in all areas of the blogosphere and participation is open and encouraged for all regardless of blog topic. The very point is to open dialogue between communities.
Participants enter their blog on a list and describe their blog in three words to give readers a heads up before they click over. Participants then read and comment on a wide cross-section of blogs from adoption-focused to political-in-nature. And while the project celebrates the almighty comment and the interactive and conversational nature of blogging, it also is meant to mix people who might not otherwise meet. Think of it as an online version of the BlogHer conference, where you leave your corner of the blogosphere and meet hundreds of other types of blogger whose corners of the blogosphere might be wholly unfamiliar to you.
The point of IComLeavWe is not just to read about a life that might be incredibly different from your own with the person making very different life decisions, but to also respect and respond to their words. To not just read and click away, but to leave a comment. This works better, as you can imagine, sometimes more than others.
But how far can we take circumspection with a vast and varied Internet--especially within blogs where the writer usually doesn't know all the readers who may encounter the post? The larger the audience--as is the case with a large readership such as BlogHer--the more chance there is to offend because the audience will not all be focused on the same like-minded topic as they do on smaller, themed blogs.
A lot can be learned by examining the two posts and learning not only how to be a better blog writer, but a better blog reader and commenter.
(1) Be concise and clear. The reader isn't inside the author's head and therefore if it's not stated outright, the reader doesn't know the information. Don't assume your reader has read a post--link to it. Don't
