Whatever You Do, Don't Disrespect Me.

One of my favorite movies of all time is, "A Fish Called Wanda." There's this character, Otto, played by Kevin Klein, and his biggest pet peeve is when anyone calls him stupid. It's played for humor, of course, as Otto seethes, "Don't call me stupid!"

It resonates with me because I swear I feel exactly this way about disrespect. I simply can't bear it and find it completely unacceptable and shocking when someone is rude to me. Just imagine me as Otto, "Don't Disrespect Me!"

Sometimes when I listen to couples talk to each other disrespectfully, or hear a girlfriend recount a conversation with her partner where he talked to her like she's a 3-year-old, or read a blog post about someone's fight with their spouse, or when someone is rude to my face, it pretty much blows me away. I don't understand how people can talk to each other like that. I don't understand how anyone thinks it's OK.

I often think, I'd rather be single than deal with that. Why does anyone stay in a relationship like that? But life's not really that simple.

I refuse to accept disrespect as OK, and yet it's another one of those deal-breaker questions. I mean, sure, if your partner suddenly turns out to be a racist, that might be a cut-and-dried cut-and-run, but a little sporadic rudeness? That you talk about and through and then hopefully it won't happen again. Or as much. Or the same way.

Maybe it comes with the relationship territory? I still find it so weird, though, when people in relationships are rude to each other. It's the stuff of my nightmares, a lifetime of being talked down to or treating rudely by someone who's supposed to love me.

For my part, when faced with disrespect or rudeness (note, we're talking personal life here; professional life is a whole different story), I usually shut down or am not sure how to respond. Usually I just get weak and sad and feel beat down. Sometimes wish I was one to snarl back, more of a fighter. But I guess I'd rather feel beat down
than be mean and disrespectful myself. Being rude back doesn't seem like much of a solution.

Is your partner ever rude and disrespectful to you? Are you to them? How do you feel about that? What do you do?

I know people say we always hurt the ones we love. I get that that's a dynamic that develops, but it's so not cool. I think we should be committed to respecting the people that we love, even when they drive us crazy.

Hey, call me an idealist, but please, "Don't disrespect me!"

~

Linky Goodness:

Allison from Agenda: Fitness had to work through an outburst from her husband on Day 2.

Emma Salkild from Sorry, Dad, England is Weird had to learn How to not offend the English in a funny post about weather-related small talk.

Suzie from Priceless Professional Development shares practical tips for dealing with Relationship Communication Breakdown: The Greatest Hindrance. My fav: Appreciation.

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.