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Rita Arens authors Surrender, Dorothy and Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews. She is BlogHer.com's senior editor.  Her parenting anthology and BlogHer'...
 
 
 
 

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What's Behind Wannarexia?

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After writing previously about anorexia, I am hesitant to write about it again. However, I recently became aware of this article on wannarexia, which is, I guess, wishing you had anorexia? Or is it really the beginning stages of anorexia? This was offered as a list of symptoms:

Brotsky provided this list of wannarexia’s potential red flags:

  • Recent weight loss in a short period of time
  • Total elimination of a food group (or groups)
  • Becoming a vegetarian
  • Complaints of food allergies
  • Constant consumption of appetite suppressants: hard candies, chewing gum, coffee or diet soda
  • Fear or unrealistic beliefs about food
  • Foods may be labeled as “good” or “bad”
  • Preoccupation with the appearance of the body
  • Overly concerned with a particular part of the body
  • Inability to break rigid routines (especially food and exercise patterns)
  • Distorted body image (feeling fat when actually thin)
  • Perfectionism
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty asking for help
  • Anxiety – difficulty dealing with stress
  • Easily frustrated
  • All or nothing” thinking
  • Denial of disorder

I don't know where the line between disordered eating/extreme dieting and anorexia is, but those symptoms look like anorexia to me, particularly the inability to break rigid routines, disordered body image, denial of the disorder and preoccupation with a part of the body. I'm no medical doctor, though. I would love to hear a psychologist's take on that.

You may be thinking how ridiculous it is to wish you had an eating disorder, but I've been told there were plenty of high school girls who wished they could be like me when I was sick. When asked, I used to tell people I had tapeworm, because that's what a little shit I was, and I bet there are even people out there who wish they had some sort of parasite, because our society's quest to be thin is sometimes stronger than our desire to avoid physical discomfort.

To me, the difference between extreme dieting and anorexia to me is the part nobody can see -- the part that goes on in your head.

For anyone who wandered over here due to that keyword, here's the difference.

Empty Plate

Imagine I'm your mother. Every ten minutes I interrupt you from whatever you are doing and tell you to clean your room. You clean it. It's clean. It's spotless. You could serve the Queen Mother off your floor. Ten minutes later, I walk back in and tell you to clean it again.

"It's clean!" you say. "I just cleaned it!"

"Clean it again," I say. "You missed a spot."

So you get down on your hands and knees and scrub the floor with your toothbrush, gagging in disgust all the while.

Ten minutes later, I walk back in and tell you to clean it again.

This repeats, over and over, until the room is so clean it's starting to come apart at the seams with the scrubbing, but still I continue to walk in and tell you to clean it. You show me the floorboards coming up. I don't care. You show me your hands, raw and bleeding from the soap. I don't care.

I tell you to clean it again.

After a while, the floorboards do come up, and underneath them, you imagine you see dirt. You know I'm coming back to tell you to clean it again, so with your hands bleeding and the water bucket red and vile, you begin to scrub. You scrub and scrub.

And I tell you to do it again.

You fall asleep in the middle of the floor. First thing in the morning, you wake up and examine every inch of the room. It is spotless.

I walk into your room before you've even gotten out of bed.

And I tell you to clean it again.

If people really understood anorexia, they would never wish it on anyone.

What do you guys think about wannarexia?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

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Rita Arens 124 pts

The fact that you are conscious that throwing up would ruin your teeth (and it would) means that you're not over the ledge. It's not worth it, it's nothing to look up to. Be mindful of the temptation to throw up, though -- that can be a hard thing to pull back from if you feel like you "have" to do it.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy ( http://bit.ly/Qp0sS ) and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ). She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Nocturnality 5 pts

To be honest, I just made this account so I could tell you my thoughts on this one.

I am eighteen and in 13th grade, graduating this year.
Coming from Germany, I go to their aquivalent to the American high schools.

When I get compliments concerning my appearance, it's naturally the slightly unusual ones I remember most. Or the ones I get from people who I know don't usually care about other people's looks.

The things they point out to me, telling me they find attractive, I developed caring about more passionately than others. In a good way though, I would say.

Since I was repeatedly told that I have unusually soft skin, and hands in particular, I started taking even better care, applying hand and body lotion more regularly lovingly, making a ritual out of what used to be a tedious task.

Although never having had braces - unlike lots of children here, and if it's only for aesthetic reasons - I also get told quite often how nice and white my teeth are.
Not being a fan of coffee or a smoker anyway, that was quite convenient. (And that actually makes me a rare exception. People here, not only my age, smoke cigarettes and drink coffee as if their depended on it)
Anyhow, now I don't know anyone who takes better care of their teeth than I do. I'm not obsessing about it, I just know for a fact that hardly anyone brushes for 3 minutes 3 times a day, then flosses, and then uses mouthwash, every single time and every single day.

To cut the story short, this is also my little concern.

I would describe my eating habits as well, mildly compulsive, although I manage to maintain a very healthy weight.
(It's just that I am sensitive about people labelling themselves as being something they really aren't and basically making it worse by doing so.)
But I often catch myself considering throwing it up as an option if I overate to an extent causing physical discomfort.
It's gotten less frequent and I think everyone has had that feeling before, just not as systematically or regularly as I used to.

However:

The only reason why I turned away and am not bulemic today is because I didn't want the stomach acids to ruin my teeth and smile.

I am not even exaggerating. To me, it is the only thing that always held me back from going through with it.

I act on stage on a regular basis, perform as a musician and singer, am trying (myself) out as spoken word artist and occasionally appear in dance events.

Destroying something beautiful in order to strive towards something else 'beautiful' in an unhealthy way, would just not make sense to me in my rational mind. Even if it (literally) felt like being out of proportion.

I am undoubtedly sure I will look back on my 18-year-old self with a vague sense of pride when I remember I chose to do the right thing. Despite sometimes "wishing I had the disciplin and will power of girls with eating disorders" and all those sick thoughts we are tempted to live out, in moments of weakness.

Rita Arens 124 pts

Seriously. Way to go.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

And you make excellent points about questioning the child's motivations. People say so much without realizing what they're saying.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

cfbandit 5 pts

...there is so much pressure for women to be thin, even when their men aren't. I've been there, I am there, because it seems so impossible to be what society wants us to be.

I'm 220-240 lbs roughly. I go up and down, but a lot of that is how much muscle I put on in the previous month. I've got a stomach that if I could lose the weight, I'd be a pretty normal weight. I've never been an anorexic, but I think this section in the article was what spoke to me most:
"Sarah Brotsky, PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders .. They wanted to be anorexic “to be thin, happy, in control, accepted in the community and distracted from offline stressors and negative relationships.”"

That is what every one of my female friends in high school, college, and even some today want. Its not that they want anorexia specifically, its that they admire what they see the final result to be no matter what the means is to get there. Most of them, with a little prodding, were easily steered away from the anorexia method with adding extra exercise, taking classes on health and nutrition, and our own growing confidence. I've only had one friend who ended up being a true anorexic and she died from the illness. Her mother also admitted to the illness after she died and blamed herself for years for her daughter's death.

I don't think anyone truly wants it, but sometimes they feel so powerless they want to try it as the one method that "might" work, just like they try the various crazy diets out there.

I've never been there myself - I know better, am more confident in myself and know that my condition is part my own fault, part genetics, and part medical issues. I'm solving it the right way with proper diet, exercise, and medication adjustments.

cfbandit 5 pts

I think this is where it pays to pay attention to their kids.

If one listens to what their child is saying after they've become vegetarian and there's a lot of "do you know how many calories are in that steak? how much saturated fat?" or "I don't eat eggs because of the cholesterol and the X calories in them" kind of comments, they're probably on the wrong side of the equation and at risk for anorexia.

If on the other hand, the child is working on getting a healthy amount of food (and not just, I'm eating a ton of fries for dinner because that's all that's vegetarian) and discussing the issues of eating meat/eggs/dairy in terms of politics, health, and ethics, its probably safer to say that they're on the right side of the equation and would make me less worried about anorexia.

I had plenty of friends in the first group, but I've also had plenty of friends in the second group over the years now that healthy vegetarian food is more widely available and there's the green aspect of it. It really just comes down to paying attention to the children and finding out their motivations. If they're really into it for the right reasons, they'll gladly share. If they're not, they'll protest, hide, be evasive, and generally raise the flag.

Rita Arens 124 pts

How did you avoid it? Which message do you think would get through to your friends how incredibly horrible eating disorders are? That they will mess up your metabolism for ten years? (true story) That they will make your breath stink and you grow hair on your cheeks? (lanugo) That it will hurt to sit in chairs at school?

I try to remember what would've done it for me. Sometimes I forget the high school mentality -- I ask honestly -- what do you think would work?

Thanks again for coming back.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

I'd love to hear more about this from someone still in school. Are you in high school or college?

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

sweet_tooth_runner 5 pts

Hi there! I am still in school, and I hear this pretty much on a daily basis. Other people SERIOUSLY saying how much they wished they were anorexic. I must admit, I thought the same for a while too, before I found a healthy medium. The pressure to be thin is enormous, and sadly I don't think the issues asurrounding self-esteem/body image/eating disorders are addressed enough.

Rita Arens 124 pts

It's not my list. I'm just quoting it.

I agree most vegetarians and vegans are as such for political and personal reasons. I very much respect that.

I will say, though I don't know that vegetarianism should be on this not-my list, that I myself did reject meat and dairy for 11 years for the purposes of eliminating entire food groups in a socially acceptable way.

Moral? Ethical? Not really. But people do it.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

Contributing Editor Laurie White has written some great posts on body image and overeating ( http://www.blogher.com/how-i-got-fat ).

I don't write about overeating because I write what I know. You're right -- there are more types of disordered eating than what I mentioned here, and they are covered on BlogHer by other writers.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

realhartford 5 pts

How is "becoming a vegetarian" on this list? Wanting to live in a way that is more respectful of other species, the planet, and one's own health should not send red flags to anyone. I have been a vegetarian for most of my life and have never had any negative health problems. I have not lost weight due to this and that was not my intention.

Yes, anorexia is serious, but I think it is offensive and inaccurate to link vegetarianism with eating disorders.

-Kerri is the author of Real Hartford ( http://www.realhartford.org ) and Gringo A Go-Go ( http://www.gringoagogo.com )

( http://www.gringoagogo.com )

ChocolateMarilyn 5 pts

...because no matter how many Lifetime Movies of the Week, Nightly News reports and PSA's are shown, being superthin - even emaciated - is seen as some kind badge of honor.

"Oh, you were just trying to be beautiful, and then just went a little... too... far. If we could just put x amount of pounds back on you, you'd be perfect!" (With the implied undertone that it is always, always better to end up underweight than fat.)

Also for the record - there are THREE eating disorders, not just two. I'm a compulsive overeater and everything you said in your example of cleaning, relates to what I've experienced. Yet, I've barely seen a word about compulsive overeating on this site. (Are we just supposed to get ourselves together and go to the health/diet section?)

C.O. is just as debilitating as the disorders that make you skinnier. Only instead of getting widespread pity and support we're most often the object of derision and condescension... OH, and we get accused of messing up the healthcare system.

ModaMama 6 pts

The idea of food rejection and its place in society is a great point. What happens when a model or actress falls into the category of apparently dangerously thin and sickly? Publicists put them on display and have them eat tremendous amounts in public. Calista Flockhart, anyone? The point is that no woman or young woman buys it. The hot dog, nachos, beer and popcorn at the Nicks game looks like a farce. You assume this is the most food that this poor woman has ever eaten in her life. And the image of a model who doesn't eat for days on end persists.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

Rita Arens 124 pts

Women rejecting food in public goes back to the Victorian Age. In a lot of ways, nothing's changed in that area.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

Just as people don't understand what they're talking about when they joke they wish they had tapeworm, I really don't think people realize there is a hellish mental component to anorexia which is invisible. All they see is a skinny girl.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

I think we have to put positive messages out in the media until they are louder than the negative ones. It seems overwhelming, but you have to start somewhere. For every woman who stops looking at herself critically, there are probably 20 people in her sphere she could affect positively.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

As someone who suffered from anorexia and bulimia myself, I think it's really important to talk about body image often and positively -- and not just with kids. :)

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

sassymonkey 690 pts moderator

"I think that girls almost think that rejecting food is what thin girls do."

Our girls deserve better than receiving messages like that. But how do we stop it?

Contributing Editor Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

mcwhclan 5 pts

I actually kinda understand this. I could see my daughter falling into this category. And not because she is fat (she is thin as a rail) but as sad as it is, I think that girls almost think that rejecting food is what thin girls do. Even if you are thin just because that is in your genes (as in my step-daughter's case) I think that people expect you to "keep it up". I don't how to explain that so it makes sense...

It is like people expect her to not eat anything, and because she wants them to like her, she stops taking lunch, she eats crap at school when she does... She reads every food label to see the caloric intake, carbs etc...

And yet she dreams of having breasts and curvy hips.

She does not have anorexia, I know... but wannarexia? Maybe...

blogging about life stuff at http://mcwhclan.wordpress.com

sassymonkey 690 pts moderator

Anyone would want an eating disorder. I really, really don't get it. I don't have anorexia but I have my own disordered eating issues and it's spider web. Just as soon as you think you are free of it it pulls you back and winds you up again. You find yourself falling into old patterns. It's a constant struggle. It's not something you just shut off one day. It's not something that you can take a pill for and make it all better. It never goes away.

Contributing Editor Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

ModaMama 6 pts

It sounds terribly disturbed to want to live a disordered and deadly lifestyle but I get it. They are essentially healthy girls with the seeds of a deadly attitude in their minds and for whatever reason, strong family support, well-grounded fear, some grain of a reasonable internal compass they don't go over the edge. I remember a few discussions in high school that centered around this idea "I wish I could be as thin as her... but I don't have the discipline (IE I can't starve myself to death)." I've actually heard girls say "I'd be anorexic if I didn't love food so much." Maybe these things are half jokes to a teen, but the half that is not in jest is a dangerous sign.

It makes me sad, deeply sad because a girl who is wasting away is easy to spot (if terribly difficult to treat) but a crash dieter is essentially a "wannarexic" and a lifelong personal battle that might go by unnoticed.

Thanks for bringing this to light, building appropriate body image in young minds is important even when you can't see signs that they've gone off the tracks.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

Rita Arens 124 pts

There are some really good resources and links in the comments of my first post. The community has had a lot of helpful things to say about eating disorders. Please do check out the comments on the first one.

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

Rita Arens 124 pts

I think that sounds like someone who just wants to have a good relationship with food.

I'm sorry you have felt that way. I'll bet you look pretty good if you are toned. Be kind to yourself. :)

Rita Arens authors Surrender Dorothy and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak. She is BlogHer's assignment and syndication editor.

victorias_view 2241 pts moderator

It's hard to avoid the desire to diet and be thin. Especially, when bombarded by images of perfection. I wouldn't wish Annoexia or Wannarexia on anyone...It's devastating not accept yourself or be comfortable with your own skin. I'm watching a close friend struggle with this and it's frustrating.

Amy_in_StL 5 pts

I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm 40 and for at least the last 30 years the messages I hear are always something like, "You're so pretty, if you'd only lose a little weight." The reality is when I was in college I was desparate to lose weight and I was a size 10 and 140 pounds. For my height that's pretty normal. Now 20 years later I'm 195 pounds and pretty darned toned but still a size 16.

I'm so tired of men rejecting me because of my weight, consultants identifying me as "she was chunky" when they call in; I've totally wished I was able to enforce some discipline into my eating habits but food is my stress reliever. I've envied my friends who were bulemic or who could have a small bowl of veggies for lunch and nothing else all day. Honestly, I'd give almost anything to not be the fat girl. So, I guess I'm a wannarexic.