I found out this week - or was reminded, perhaps - that someone in my life does not like "Love Actually." Insert stage gasp of horror and disbelief here.

Now look, there are A LOT of painfully bad and stupid romantic comedies. And that's what I usually blame when I come up against a romance hater. That they've seen so much badly written, stupid crap that they're turned off to the good stuff. It's not unlike people who hate science fiction or country music - They are so sure in their aversion, that they won't even give it a chance.

And I know male and female romance haters, so don't give me any gender-based nonsense. And I suppose you have to respect that people know what they don't like.

But "Love Actually" is an wonderfully crafted, well-acted, smart, enjoyable romantic comedy. From the succinct opening statement of thesis, writer/director Richard Curtis weaves romantic storylines - of varying tones - around his theme. Bringing us real moments and fun moments and over-the-top moments and even painful moments. And in the true test of romantic comedy success, gives us a run to the airport that both winks and works and rolls into a perfect bookend to the opening. Brilliance.

But it's romantic. And I guess that's a problem?

Romance haters groan that romantic movies teach us to expect too much. Well, I call bullshit. Romance takes guts, but beyond that, it's simply not that hard. If you think a romantic gesture is unrealistic, you are lazy. Stop being lazy, and buy some flowers! Write a poem! Sing a song! Light a candle! Make a mix CD! Cook dinner! Give an extra kiss or a few extra words about how you feel!

And by all means, never stop expecting romance, even if you have to ask for it or create it for yourself. I, for one, am big on buying myself flowers, although I haven't splurged on them in a while.

The tag line of "Love Actually" is "Love actually is all around." Here's what I think (much less skillfully written): People are romantic all the time. People lay it on the line. People make gestures, big and small. And romance - It's great! It's fabulous! Holy crap, it's one of the best parts of life! And one of the most important!

But you put it in a movie and suddenly it's schlock, and it's not important. Suddenly, romance is fluff.

Well, I have a theory. I believe that people who dismiss romantic films out of hand don't believe. Maybe they never did, or maybe they've been hurt. Maybe they're tired of believing in romance, but not finding it.

Case in point: Rob Reiner. In the audio commentary for the romantic comedy classic, "When Harry Met Sally," Rob Reiner says that as they were writing and shooting that ending, it felt false and phony to him. He knew what was necessary in terms of the story and audience expectation, but because of where he was in his own romantic life at the time, he didn't believe in the truth of the ending. But later - once love had returned to his life - then, he says, the ending felt real to him. He believed that it could happen.

OK, in real life writers don't write your speeches. But you still get to give them!

I think you have to be a romantic and be open to creating romance in your own life to embrace a wonderful romantic comedy. The kind that sucks you in and spins you around and charms you so much that by the time one of the characters is running through the streets of New York, or tearing towards Heathrow airport, you're right there with them. And you know it's a movie, and you know it's heightened reality, and you simply don't care.

Because it's romance, and it's about love. And that's what makes life worth living.

~

Related reading:

Love Actually - A post about finding love all around.

Cleaning Brings You Together - Particularly when you finish in time to watch "Love Actually."

Questionable: Love, Actually - Is "Love Actually" a classic?

10 Reasons Why Love Actually Actually Should Be Your Cinematic Christmas Tradition - Yes, "Love Actually" is a classic!

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.