What's Shallow?


So, here I am, attempting to start this blog I was so gung ho about starting up YEARS ago.  There is just one little problem.  I feel like I have nothing to say.  Yes, me.  I feel shallow.  Maybe it’s the pressure of a “first blog” or something, because usually I have MORE than enough to say.  I’m reading so many insightful, humorous blogs from other moms these days, and constantly think to myself…. WHY AM I NOT DOING THAT TOO? 

So, tonight, I sat down at my laptop, logged on to the ol blog, yet again, and sat.  And stared.  And sat some more.  And had literally NOTHING pulsing through my brain.  Zip.  I had some fairly weak ideas but was interrupted halfway through the first sentance by my 11 month old daughter who needed paced around for hours as the poor lil thing is cutting her eye teeth.  I finally got her to sleep and sat down again.  I typed up another intro sentence but was again distracted as I began to brainstorm about ways I can supplement Paul’s (my fiancé) income.  Raising kids on one income is not for the faint of heart.  It equals broke in today’s economy.  At least for us.  I could do in home daycare… except most people who are contacting me want me to watch their kids for like 40 bucks a week.  Um….No.  I have my own remember?  More like $40.00/hr!  Hmmmm…I could make stuff!  Yesss!!!  And open a cute little etsy store that takes off and I can become the most popular maker of zi “baby legs” because I freakin rock…oh yeah…I cant sew.  Ugh.  Let me add here, that Paul pays the bills JUST fine.  But I’m not going to BS.. its tight.  Mama likes spending money.  Christmas is looming and Zanna (my youngest) has her first birthday just 6 days before Christmas.  So, again, distracted, I vented to a friend on FB about money and bills and this and that, and how am I going to figure it all out…. and while the advice I was given is true… She IS just a baby… she wont really know…. the fact remains that I will.  I will know.  Then from over the laptop, I saw a stack of bills that still need paid.  Ugh.  So I went through those… budgeting out the rest of the month… EEEEEEK!  Not fun!  What the hell was I doing again?!  Oh yes.  Blogging.  Think.  Think.  Think.  Still nothing. 

I got it!  I blogged years ago!!  Maybe I can go there, read some old stuff and find some sort of inspiration.  HA!  Ha hahahahahahahaha.  JOKE OF THE CENTURY.  This “blog” I kept, was me, pre Paul and pre children.  I was a child.  I was a 23 year old single girl who did what she wanted, said what she wanted, spent what she wanted.  What I found on that “blog” was LESS than inspiring.  (Although, quite amusing.  I’ll attach a bit at the end of this post.)  It was full of rants about fast food, Gonzaga basketball and a pregnant Barbie for shit’s sake!  I really honestly remembered those blogs as “deep”.  I really thought I would find something, even just a little nugget of SOMETHING, to get the creative juices flowing.  But it would appear, that at the ripe old age of 23, I was not deep like I thought.  I was a total bonehead. 

I sat here tonight, attempting to turn nickels in to dollars, in between cooking dinner, giving baths and um….ya know… molding the minds and hearts of my children.  No big deal.  It was quite empowering to realize that the me of today was NOT the empty headed one at all.  I may have had an edge at 23 I suppose.  But who CANT be a smart ass, really?  Absolutely NOTHING that I am doing today is shallow and if I cant come up with some amazing subject to blog about, its because my head is crammed full of other things.  Important things.  Reading the things that struck my 23 year old self as “blog-worthy” really drove that point home.  I’m raising babies.  It doesn’t get any more DEEP than that.  And THAT will be all the inspiration I need. 

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