What's a woman to do?
by samanda

A year ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Before I had my daughter I was determined to stay at home with her full-time. I gave my notice into my work shortly before my mat leave letting them know I wouldn't be coming back.

Then...the bills came.

And I've decided that we are in a two-income world, and even though it is possible to live on one-income usually with sacrifice and hard work, I realized that that may not happen in my household, as my husband's one income may just not be enough.

I have been looking for part-time work, but every day I struggle with wondering if I am making the right decision. Should I be going back to work? Should I actually be going back to work full-time? After daycare costs, is it even worth it? Will my daughter feel ignored as she gets older?

Money is not important to me - to a degree. I would like to obviously pay my bills, as well as save for a down payment on a house. And without me working at all that may not happen. But I think many women struggle with wondering if they are making the right decision. I want a close relationship to my child as she grows, but I also want to provide for her as well.

Sometimes I wish I was born in the earlier days, when it was just expected that the woman stays home and the husband is the breadwinner. I know, I know, I may get some harsh comments for that one, and I realize it's very traditional, but it's who I am. I am happiest when I am taking care of my family at home. But sometimes you gotta do what you don't want to do, right?

Even though I strongly feel that I would work best being a stay-at-home mother and wife, I completely understand that everyone has a unique situation, and you need to do what is best for you. For some it's staying home, for some it's working. It looks like in my lifetime I will be doing both at one time or another!

Submitted by samanda (view blog) on Mon, 08/11/2008 - 19:41
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Comments

 

Sometimes there are no choices

In the 17 years since I have been a mother, I have been at home full-time, worked full-time, worked part-time, and went to graduate school. But you know, if I look at it, in each of those configurations there are really only a couple of hours a day when you are really "on" with your child. And while I certainly understand your desire to be at home, you should know that you will be no less a mother just because you spend less time with your child. And you will give no less of your heart and your learning to your child. Not every second of every day is filled with quality time; yes, it is time, but there may be trade-offs here that will work for you and your family.

When I was in my snippy working days, I used to see mothers at the mall with their children in their strollers and wonder how this could be explained as quality time with their children?

Laura, www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com

Submitted by rebellious thinker on Mon, 08/11/2008 - 17:34
 

Whatever you decide is the right choice

If you know you wouldn't be happy leaving you child right now why would you do it? There are blogs/websites that support SAHMs with tips on managing with one income.

I wish I could stamp out the nonsense that says you have to go to work to be a modern woman. I gotta tell you there is nothing worse than being with a co-worker who is miserable and her mind is 3/4 on her children and resentful at being at work.

Stay home! Be a 21st Century mom. Be the best mom you want to be at this time in your life. It isn't about your husband or what society tells you. It what you really want to do that is in the best interests of your family.

That is what choice means. Go back to employment when you are really ready and you feel your child is safe and secure.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

Submitted by Gena Haskett on Mon, 08/11/2008 - 17:56
 

I agree of the importance of

I agree of the importance of it, and I definitely agree that one-income can work if you sacrifice, but when the one income your family is living on is barely above minimum wage, then it causes difficulty. We live frugally already, and it's just not enough. We don't have any extras, we don't accrue unnecessary debt...but we are still running short. I know I couldn't go back full-time, because you are right, I wouldn't be focused on my job, I'd be focused on my baby, but I'm hoping that if I go part-time I can take comfort in the fact that she is socializing with other babies, and I am bringing in some extra income, but not at the expense of 40 hours a week away from my child.

 

Thank you for your encouraging note. :)

Submitted by samanda on Mon, 08/11/2008 - 18:05
 

A Grown Woman Can Do Anything She Damn Well
Pleases!

Sister,

The beauty in this discussion is that we are having the discussion.  You have options that a great many women in the world do not have.  You have the ability to make intelligent decisions based on information only you posses.  

I can't stand that whole mommie war shit.  Women have to make decisions according to their needs and desires and wishes and whatever else we need to throw in. 

Guilt does nothing but keep you trapped..stuck.  There are women in the world who strap their babies on their back and go to work.  There are women in the world who stay home and make all the kids clothing.  And there are those of us somewhere in the middle trying to juggle, hustle and wrangle our lives to make a better way for our families...some of us are doing that work in heels!

Make your decision in confidence knowing that some woman has paved the way, paid a price for you to raise your kids how you want to.  Live strong!

Love,

Babz

Submitted by Lovebabz on Mon, 08/11/2008 - 18:14
 

Follow your heart and your needs

I always imagined myself as a working mom, until I got pregnant and realized I wanted to stay home.  My husband was not supportive of this.  To him, the sacrifice he would need to make was not worth the benefits.  I have to say, it would have been a very difficult life and we were not accustomed to watching every penny.  My daughter is now 18 months and I have been lucky to find a job that allows me flexibility so that I am not away from her full-time, but I am away from her a lot.  

Some days, I take the day off and stay home with her and I think I spend just as much "quality" time with her when I do go to work.  A lot of the other time she is napping or eating or I am dragging her around town to run errands.  For me, personnaly, not having to worry aobut being able to feed her or pay the rent is worth it.

Everyone has to make their own choice, and the choice is not permanent.  Try working part time and see how it goes!  

 

Gina

http://momwifeworkerbee.blogspot.com/

Submitted by reginatgg on Tue, 08/12/2008 - 12:05
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