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When I was 42, I thought my life was over.
I was quite convinced of it. As I packed up my apartment to move back home with my parents (thank you, Mom and Dad), I piled my work clothes in a plastic garbage bag. Why keep these, I thought, I’ll never find a job. And, so went my pretty tweed jacket, my versatile black skirt, my favorite pink shirt.
My mom asked, as she watched me fill the garbage bag: “Are you sure you want to donate those clothes? You may need them…”
I looked at her in disbelief; clearly, I was doing the right thing. “Oh, no,” I said. “I won’t need them.”
I really believed my life was over. I went though the motions. From the outside, it appeared I participated in this experience called life. On the inside, I had checked out. I couldn’t see a future, or a future for me. I believed my good life was over.
Six months later, new job in hand, I cursed every time I looked in my closet. I wish I had kept those clothes, I thought. What in the world was I thinking?
I understand now what I was thinking. I was thinking that my bad times had become my reality. My difficult years were not just in my past, but in my today and waiting for me in my future.
I had lost faith. Specifically, I lost my belief in myself. And, when that’s lost, all feels lost.
During Saturday's Table Talk, we spoke about the importance of believing in yourself, particularly during difficult times. When family disappears, when physicians become obstacles, when your house becomes a battlefield, you may feel life has you beat.
You beat difficult times by believing. Believe in yourself. Make other sacrifices, but never sacrifice that knowledge that you can and you will. You will survive. You will know joy. You will get a lucky break. You will be better. You will heal.
I still miss that tweed jacket. Believe so you won’t miss a thing.
