When Bloggers Receive Hate Mail
by Vered

267375065_7827c6723d_m.jpg I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn't a mistake or a joke, but sure enough - the email was filled with hate and profanity, and it was addressed to me. I received my first hate mail yesterday!

The writer/ hater, who is apparently a female and (shockingly) chose to remain anonymous, is quite annoyed with me in general, but she finds my personal finance posts and my nutrition/ diet posts especially offensive. According to her, I am a "rich, skinny bitch who has no f_____ idea about real people with real problems". She generously adds a valuable piece of advice, saying that I "seriously need to shut the f___ up" and stop dishing out advice about topics that I know absolutely nothing about.

Since I am fairly new to the blogging game, I wasn't quite sure how to handle this, so I turned to my fellow bloggers to see how they cope with hate mail.

This is what I found:

Naomi Dunford of IttyBiz is delighted with hate mail just as much as she enjoys her supportive readers. She says, "to all of my readers - every day, you delight me. Your comments and your hate mail and your fan mail and your Tweets and your blog posts make this whole work-from-home lunacy the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done... I am very, very grateful for all of you." It looks like Naomi likes the interaction and attention - good or bad.

Scott H. Young thinks that "if you're not getting hate mail, you're writing probably sucks". He adds, "It took me a while to realize this, but hate mail can actually be a sign you’re doing something right. Truly awful stuff gets ignored." I find it mildly encouraging to think that I am not writing "truly awful stuff".

Mad Kane embraces hate mail too and sees it as part of freedom of speech. She rhymes, "I never will fret over hate mail I get: this is freedom, for better or worse".

So, hate mail is just part of the game? I should not be alarmed at all? According to Scott, I should even congratulate myself on receiving it. Well, I am not exactly going to frame that email and hang it on the wall, but I think I will start a "hate mail" folder and save those emails. In a way, they are proof that people read, react and respond.

Thank you, anon_reader.

Photo by sardonica.

Cross posted at MomGrind. 

Submitted by Vered (view blog) on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 10:55

Comments

 

Congratulations

It's been awhile since I have received hate mail. For me, it only really stinks when it's from someone you know, and someone who has more power over your life than you'd like.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 08:41
 

Hate mail from someone you know

Well, if that ever happens to me, I think I would just cry.

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 09:39
 

No crying

Not worth it. It just ticked me off and then made me laugh my butt off.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 14:20
 

Hate mail for lil' ole' me?

Wow. I'm speechless. Or wordless, as the case may be. I applaud you for (a) making it part of a public discussion; and (b) finding a spin that makes the receipt of such a piece of mail somehow acceptable. It definitely means you've hit the big time, I suppose. But I'm still appalled at the lack of common decency. It's one thing to disagree with someone. It's quite another to attack them personally.

Submitted by ToddieDowns on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 11:17
 

Hate mail is, apparently, part of the
blogging game

I posted this on my own blog too, and other bloggers, far more experienced than I am, basically said in their comments that it's part of publishing a blog. For example, Naomi Dunford, who is one of the most readable, intelligent, funny bloggers I know, said:

"My totally unasked for input — the first ten are hard. Then you can
start laughing about it. A good way to handle it are to find some blog
posts that made the front page of Digg and check out the comments.
Those guys send hate comments like it’s a sport, but it makes you
realize how uninformed a lot of the haters are... if that doesn’t work, find your favorite best-selling novel and check out the reviews on Amazon. It helps put things in perspective. There’s a whole subculture of people who hate things just because
they’re popular. Congratulations on your first hatemail!"

Don't get me wrong - I was shocked to read that email. The personal attack made me very uncomfortable. But reaching out to other bloggers and telling them about it really helped. It helps to realize that there are people out there who just love to hate, and when you choose to publish a blog and put yourself out there, some of these "professional haters" will inevitably, at some point, target you.

Vered DeLeeuw www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 12:24
 

LOL Congratulations!

The first one is always fun. The way I look at it, if I've moved someone enough to write me a hate mail, maybe I've disturbed them enough to get them thinking.

Submitted by KellyMac on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 12:24
 

Hate mail = a response

I agree to some extent... hate mail means that someone cared enough to respond. But personal insults and profanity represent more than a need to respond. They represent a need to humiliate.

It definitely helps to look at hate mail as "hey, at least I am being noticed". But my first reaction was shock. I actually felt sick reading that email.  

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 12:30
 

It is disturbing.

I can't argue with you there.

But to me the personal insults are an affirmation for a couple of reasons, even though they are meant to humiliate.

1. They couldn't come up with an actual argument, and had to resort to personal insults. That means what I wrote was probably spot on.

2.  The fact that they lost their cool backfires on them and they wind up looking like the idiot, not me.

The best ones are the ones where they try to come off sounding intellectual, and then you deconstruct their arguments in a subsequent post.

It does hurt when you get the first one, though. I can remember my face flaming when I got mine.

 

Submitted by KellyMac on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 12:43
 

Face flaming when you read hate mail

Yes, that happened to me too. :)

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 14:02
 

My First Hate Mail

Back in the days before blogging, I occasionally had small opinion pieces published in my local newspaper. Someone found out my personal mailing address and sent me a handwritten hate note - complete with freaky handwritten and poor grammar.

I still have it.

I felt a little scared, but mostly, I felt quite amazed that my words had stirred such creepy effort.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Submitted by Liz Rizzo on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 13:15
 

Hate mail in your mailbox

That's even worse than hate mail in your inbox. Creepy.  

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 14:04
 

I remember my first...

It was after I wrote about my gym anxiety last year. I was told that I had a major self-esteem issue and to stop whining and why the hell did I think I was important enough that anyone would care. Oh, and why did I think I was so darned interesting? It was comment left on my blog by someone who didn't bother to leave a real email address or name or blog. But apparently I was interesting/important enough for them to waste 2 minutes of their day to tell me that. Ha! 

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Submitted by sassymonkey on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 13:33
 

"Who do you think you are?"

Yes, she said that too... maybe there's a hate mail template that they all use. :) 

"But apparently I was interesting/important enough for them to waste 2 minutes of their day to tell me that. Ha!" - exactly. :)

You are all making me feel so much better when you share your own hate mail stories. Thank you!

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 14:07
 

Hurts when you hit a nerve!

The first "hate mail" I got was really just a mention in someone's blog. They were responding to an op-ed piece I wrote in The Seattle Times and  said that I was "chirping vacuously." I was stunned, and wanted to scream, "but I'm smart!" from the highest mountain. I got over it pretty quickly....

That said, I recent post that I wrote about Angel Investing on Start Her Up garnered (pardon the expression) an absolute shit storm of controversy both in comments on the blog, emails to me, and even phone calls (not to mention calls from angels that are NOT getting returned anymore.)

GASP! But that's NOT what I meant to do!

But here's the thing.... the storm mellowed out (kind of) and a whole new stash of people came out of the woodwork saying how glad they were that I finally told the truth. And I realized something very important.... All I (and anyone) can do is say what I mean, with integrity and good intentions, and I CANNOT control how people respond to it, nor can i take it personally.

and who knows, maybe I'll be part of a positive change.

(Oh, and "real" investors like me now. So it's paying off, maybe.)

___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE: A Web Site To Save The World

Start Her Up: A blog for Women Entrepreneu

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 14:16
 

chirping vacuously

Wow. Would they have said that if you were a man?

I agree that we need to be ourselves and say things as we see them. And if your story has a happy ending and real investors are willing to invest in your startup now, then that makes me SO happy! 

Vered DeLeeuw
www.momgrind.com

Submitted by Vered on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 15:02
 

Vacuous men

HA!  That's funny - I hadn't thought of it that way.

Ironically, "chirping vacuously" is now one of our favorite phrases in our house. I use it all the time, wear it like a badge of honor. :) 

___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE: A Web Site To Save The World

Start Her Up: A blog for Women Entrepreneu

Submitted by alyssaroyse on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 15:17
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