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“Why don’t you just go fuck yourself.”
That was the last email I read one year ago from a former friend….right before I permanently Blocked her email address.
I’d said something she had interpreted as an insult – as she had on other occasions – even though what I said had nothing to do with her in any way (they didn’t the other times, either). After trying to explain this to her, the oh-so-charming line above was her response.
This leads me into my topic….When do you know it’s time to end a friendship?
In my situation, ending the relationship had been coming for a little while. We became acquaintances five years earlier, which transformed into a friendship one year after that. She was always so smart and fun to spend time with, although she very slowly started to change during our final two years of friendship.
First, she became less reliable. Then, she lost three jobs in one year because of her horrible attitude. She alienated a mutual friend with her erratic behavior…and you just never knew when she was telling the truth or when she was lying.
You always knew she was be the kind of person who would genuinely get out of bed at 4:00am and drive to Vermont to bail you out of trouble, but the good-heartedness was being overshadowed by something bigger….spending time with her had become exhausting and overly-dramatic. And I’d left Dramatic behind years ago, along with my Divorce.
I mentioned some issues I had to her, but she never really paid attention to my concerns.
In reality, the decision to end a friendship isn’t that much different than the decision to end a romantic relationship (there’s just no sex involved…well, usually). In a platonic friendship, there’s certainly going to be ups and downs, and lord knows each of you are going to be a jerk at some point.
I think the key is you should be getting more out of a friendship than you’re putting in.
Any relationship should be a give-and-take, but I think you should also try to surround yourself with people who (on the whole) leave you feeling more energized. People who help make you a better person, and not someone who consistently weighs you down.
People will either help you move forward, or become an Anchor….and you can’t get anywhere with an Anchor holding you back.
Now this isn’t to say you shouldn’t try and talk to your friend about how you feel – I really believe you absolutely should. But if they don’t stop doing and saying what they now know bothers you, and/or you find yourself drained of energy after spending time with them, it may be time for a break-up.
