When The Death of A Parent Destroys A Family
The death of a parent is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. To lose someone who has been there for you your whole life is devastating. I don't think you can ever be prepared for it.And no matter what your religious views are and the fact that you think they are in a better place, it is always so hard on those that are left behind. So when the passing of a parent sparks a family battle it is even more debilitating.
Every family has their own dynamics. But usually there is one person in the family that everyone goes to when they need something. They are usually the "go-to" person for just about every issue. You need something looked up on the internet? "go- to"_____________. You are having a problem with your kids? "go-to" _____________. Not sure how to handle a certain situation? "go-to" _____________. Need something done or help with something? "go-to" __________. You get the picture. Well, if that person happens to be the one who is left to deal with all of the things you need to deal with at someones death and they don't do things just exactly like everyone else would have done it.......guess who get's the blame. You guessed it......the "go-to" person.
Feelings and emotions are already running on overload and words get said that can't be taken back. And feelings get hurt. And everyone gets on the defensive. At a time when a family should be coming together to comfort and support one another, all too often the exact opposite happens. It is really a crying shame. Then if you add to that the fact that there is family controversy over the division of assets even though the wishes of the deceased are plainly stated in a Will, you are just asking for the biggest heartache you have ever seen. I have never understood why people think that the survivors have the right to decide on division of property or that they are OWED something or they DESERVE certain things. If the person made their wishes known.....then that should be it! It is sad to say that all too often that is not the case and families are destroyed.
The worst part of all of this is that people don't get the opportunity to grieve their loved one! They get pulled into the battle of it all and spend so much time trying to either 1. do the RIGHT thing, 2. keep others from doing the WRONG thing, or 3. making sure that their loved ones wishes are carried out.....that they lose the chance to grieve. It is hard enough to lose a parent but it is even worse when you lose your whole family because of fussing and fighting over the STUFF.
I would not want this to happen to anyone out there. It has been a long 5 year battle for me. I just hope that one day I will get the chance to grieve.
Please make sure that the affairs of your loved ones are in order. And that everyone is aware of their wishes and is willing to accept their decisions. Death is not an easy thing to talk about but I think if everyone is on the same page BEFORE someone passes away it will help in the aftermath.