When did you first realize being a woman could be a disadvantage and what did you do about it?
by Nordette

Perhaps after the sexism in media coverage of Hillary Clinton's campaign or the nasty attacks on Michelle Obama, my ears perked up more eagerly this morning at the BBC Radio interview of Cherie Blair, wife of Great Britain's former Prime Minister Tony Blair. She considers herself an advocate of women's rights and didn't realize until she became a member of the Bar in Great Britain that being a woman could hold her back.

The interviewer, Owen Bennett-Jones, introduced her as "a woman who's been vilified in the British press, but who insists she's been misunderstood, a lawyer and a judge." Blair recently released her autobiography, Speaking for Myself.

In another interview about the book with NDTV's Rachna Prasad, Britain's former First Lady says that her autobiography is not a political book, but a woman's book. She says it's a book about one woman's journey over 50 years who came from a "simple beginning in Waterloo, in LiverPool" and ended up with a ringside seat to history. Prasad prefaced one of her questions to Blair with a reminder that Blair grew up "as one of six sisters ... and there were just a lot of women around you and you had very little male influence." Responding to the preface, Blair said that she was raised by "women who had to stand on their own two feet."

In her BBC radio interview (podcast here), Blair also said:

I was certainly a very naive lawyer in London. The thing that I hadn't realized throughout all this, and my mother and grandma had always said that if you work hard and set your mind to it you could achieve anything and indeed the nuns at my Catholic convent school also underlied that message and at the Elysee where I went I was fortunate enough to be at the top of my year, and it was only when I went to the Bar and became a barrister that I suddenly realized that I had one big disadvantage and that was that I was a woman.

She said this revelation that being a woman might not be good for her career bewildered her. She'd always thought as long as she was "clever and knew all the right answers" she'd get to the top of class, whichi s what she says she did up until then.

Blair explained that when it came to the Bar, success was more about being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right people. By implication that means she had to know the right men to get ahead.

Her observation caused me to think about my own experiences and the first time I realized that being a woman was a disadvantage to me in business and sometimes in my personal life. As an African-American female, you see, I grew up thinking more about racial discrimination not gender discrimination, and people of color experiencing angst about both has been in the spotlight this election.

Like Cherie Blair, I had strong women in my life who'd always worked. So, unlike some women who struggled with issues of work vs. staying home, I assumed you grow up, you go to college and you get an BA because you want a career. College for women in my family was not about getting an MRS, snagging a mate, the way I've heard it was for some women in previous decades. And, while I knew that women were treated unfairly and grew up hearing debate about the Equal Rights Amendment, I don't think I registered that this form of inequality would affect me directly in ways such as not getting the same pay for the same work as a man or not being promoted as quickly as males.

Oddly enough, I married young and did not make career a priority, despite my upbringing, until later. It's possible I also didn't make a corporate career specifically a priority because in my heart of hearts I've always wanted to be a working fiction writer. I did not consider that even in that field I'd be discriminated against because women's fiction has not always been taken as seriously as fiction by males. It wasn't until my daughter was in pre-school that I applied for jobs and found that employers can find all sorts of reasons not to hire you, pay you well if they do, or promote you after they discover you do your job well. I believe I've been discriminated against in the past for being a woman, for being a young mother, for being black, for not being thin, and lately, maybe for being older. Who knows? Sometimes it could have been all of these at once.

Growing up in Louisiana, I knew of arhaic laws, parts of the Napoleonic Code, that did not change until my lifetime, laws strongly associated with women having fewer rights than men. For instance, I remember hearing my mother rant about an old law that allowed a husband to sell the family home without his wife's signature. She said she knew a woman to whom this happened.

Also, I have met women younger than I who recall attempting to purchase cars or other major items and having the salesperson suggest she should come back with her husband. These women, however, were white. I don't know of any woman in my family being told to "wait until your husband can come by." Perhaps black women were treated a little different from white women in this regard.

My father, age 87, is sexist. Everyone knows this who knows him, but I didn't recognize it until I had moved away from home and observed how he handled my brother learning to drive versus how he handled my having learned to drive. He never told me I was a good driver, but he'd say my brother was in an instant. Even after my brother had had several accidents and I had not had any, my father would say my brother was a good driver. I pointed this discrepancy out to him one day, and he simply shrugged. I also realized that my financial opinion counted for little with my dad, even regarding subjects in which I'd been professionally trained.

In various jobs, I admit that if a manager was not being fair, I tended to assume he was racist first. Later I might observe and accept that for some managers the issue was gender bias more than racial bias. I saw that he talked to my breasts rather than my face.

I've written this post in hopes that BlogHer readers will share their own memories of when they first became aware of sexism affecting their lives. Have you experienced bias based on your gender or are you the lucky one? If you recognized sexism could be holding you back, how did you handle it or overcome the bias?

In closing, I recommend another post to you, Maria Niles' "What's A Woman's Worth." And, if you'd like to watch the NDTV interview with Cherie Blair, try this link.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor at BlogHer.com whose personal blog is linked here at another site with a recent post called Jesse, Obama, Men, and Their Nuts.

Submitted by Nordette (view blog) on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 00:13

Comments

 

Women always comes 2nd after men!

I believe it is the grand design! We always are the 2nd choice in everything. Even at this day & age women struggles to compete in the male dominated world. Be it at work or group. Men always dominates the scene. This is also speaking from experience. I used to work for an architectural firm where men are dominant & women are basically outnumbered nth million times! Even as equally capable, I was subjected to feminine tasks like office work & not field work, only because I was a woman! Well, what did I do? I left! Took another career path that brought me more sense of worth!

 Maricris

ZenVentures

Submitted by maricrisg on Sat, 07/12/2008 - 21:51
 

Women's tasks at work

Thanks, Maricris.  

Let me tell you what one of my former bosses did.  He got behind schedule on a project to send out DVDs to members.  Previously one employee in the communications department had been assigned to get it out the door.  When he decided he needed more people to help, he only asked the women.  I'm talking about professional women who had plenty of work of their own. 

He even pulled his only female employee from the IT dept and asked her to stuff DVDs too.  The men walked through the room asking us what we're doing and stopping to chat. Clearly some of them had less work sitting on their desks than we did.

We called the boss on it, and he said as though joking, "I did it because I'm a sexist."

And this was at a "social justice" organization. 

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:31
 

Born in 1950

Have I ever felt gender bias? Hon, since I was a tot and my parents wouldn't get me a train set for Christmas because that was a "boy's toy", my life has been surrounded with such bias. Because of my age, that bias was obvious as well as ubiquitous. But anyone alive today inside a woman's body who has not felt gender bias, isn't paying attention.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Submitted by Mata H on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 05:22
 

You've only got me by 10 years

But, Mata, after watching those 50s sitcoms, I know you felt gender bias big time! :-)

And I agree that women who don't experience it really do but aren't paying attention just as occasionally I meet black people who say that they've never experienced racism.  I think they have, just the subtle form and they weren't in tune enough with people to pick it up. Perhaps they don't get it from everyone, but someone's dealt with them differently and they don't know it.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:24
 

Not a second class citizen....

My first experience with this was when I was a junior in high school and I was taking drivers-ed.  Our teacher was the football coach and most of the students (besides the girls) were on the football team and according to him driving came more natural to boys than girls so he spent more time helping them than us.  So at the end of the semester he was quite surprised about who had made the highest grade in the course?  Well it was not the star quarterback it was me!!!  Yes a girl.  The teacher/coach was so surprised and speechless that he did not even know what to say to the class.  I was so happy that he had to acknowledge that a girl had been the better driver and made the highest score out of all the people in the course.   So from that point on I strive to show that women are just as good or equal to anyone.  Women are not second class citizens and we prove it everyday.  Nice post thanks for sharing.

Mara

http://24stepstogo.blogspot.com/

Submitted by mara on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 06:53
 

He needed that lesson

I hope it stuck with him, the coach I mean. :-) 

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:21
 

I've often reflected that

I've often reflected that being one of two girls in my family prevented a lot of latent sexism in my parents from manifesting itself.My mom was one of those "do it all" mother: she worked full time as a teacher, raised my sister and I largely herself (my dad's second job on the oil rigs took him away for large periods of time), and maintained the house to an insane level of cleanliness. I saw a lot of this gendered perfectionism take its toll on her. She felt that if she didn't cook a perfect supper, it made her a horrible person. Or if there were streaks on the floor, it also made her horrible. I never understood where all this came from (certainly, my dad didn't notice or care of the floor dried with some streaks). But I think she always felt that she had to be extra perfect in the domestic sphere to justify working full time to nosy and judgemental neighbours. So I guess that was first awareness of unequal gender expectations - my mom had too full time jobs and could be made to feel guilty if she was anything less than perfect at either of them.

P.S. One quibble: Cherie Blair wasn't a "First Lady" - that's a foreign concept to Parliamentary democracies. The Commonwealth has royalty to play out those roles so we don't need to impose them on our elected executives or their families.

- Kuri
Thought, Interrupted By Typos
http://www.thoughtinterrupted.ca/

Submitted by Kuri on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 09:29
 

The first lady thing

Thanks, Kuri.  I wondered about that.  I think I used it because the journalist at NDTV called Cherie Blair "First Lady," and so I assumed that it was used sometimes in Great Britain.  Thank you for the clarification.

And oh, we could go for a while discussing what it means that we Americans call our president and family "the first."  Maybe it's a desire to coronate our leaders. 

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:14
 

Still Much Bias in the Workplace

The "boys club" is still prominent in today's workplace, and there is still much bias prevalent. I especially feel this is so concerning the clothes that women are forced to wear to work. I see men in the office wearing khaki pants and loafers and this is totally acceptable office wear. If a meeting is scheduled, the man simply puts a tie on his casual shirt, and that is accepted as a professional look. If a woman were to show up to the office in Dockers and loafers she would not be considered a professional at all. We have to work harder at our appearance before we even arrive at work!

Submitted by windysblog on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 12:09
 

very subtle

It's the make-up thing that gets me.  Men show all their facial flaws yet expect women in the office to cover-up theirs. 

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:19
 

While I certainly follow my

While I certainly follow my company's dres code, I refuse to wear makeup.  It has nothing to do whatsoever with my job performance.  My mother was more than a little shocked when she found out I didn't spend an hour in the morning primping.

This is What a Feminist Blogs Like

Submitted by earlgreyrooibos on Tue, 07/15/2008 - 08:10
 

Felt more bias from color than from gender

But to answer your question, I remember in high school and college when professors would call on boys much more frequently than girls.  I learned to be very assertive and even to be what felt like impolite and interrupt boys sometimes because I'd been waiting for a long time to be recognized.  At one of my first jobs, I noticed that a woman could make a recommendation and it wouldn't get discussed but a few minutes later a man could say essentially the same thing and everyone would discuss it.

While most of the women in my family worked and were strong role models for learning to be independent, and to work collaboratively with theri husbands, there was at least one aunt whose husband was a sexist pig and I had a few friends whose fathers were oppressive in terms of how differently they treated the daughters and the sons.

I have lived like the Langston Hughes poem - "You got to take me like I am Black and don't give a damn."  I would add "woman", too.  And, what I mean is that I am just trying to be fully conscious, positive, of service and reaching for the bounty of this one life I am sure I have and not giving a damn about the boxes and the definitions of others as much as I can.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Submitted by Candelaria Silva on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 16:23
 

felt more bias from race than gender too

Me, too, Candelaria, until I went through divorce court.  The judges were bending over backward to show that they didn't favor women, and as a result I may have suffered a bias against women.  The irony was it was a county that had a reputation for favoring men, but because some guy had just complained about courts favoring women, well, ... you know how we humans are.  Not too good at balance.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:18
 

Good stuff

I appreciate the comments left and thank you all for sharing your experiences. 

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 10:10
 

More Gender Bias

I was able to become the head of the IT department in one of my early jobs. The job was dominated by men and I thought that my gender was not much of an issue as long as I can do my job as anyone else in my position. And thats what I thought. One day a guy clerk called my attention and said that the CEO's secretary called in sick and the CEO needs someone to make him a cup of coffee. I was there, having not my lunch yet for I am still trying to fix some bugs and was asked to make some coffee while there are a lot other "guys" who are just idling their time away. I told the CEO's messenger that I am busy and asked why it have to be me. The messenger came back with this answer - because I am woman and is expected to also do such office chores. I just retort back that it is not in my job description. After sometime, I learned that I was the only woman in that office who did not made a cup of coffee upon the CEO's orders. Every woman in there, may any position they hold, even the head of the human resource department or head of this and that department were asked to do the same thing. The reason? So the CEO may let the woman feel that even how good they are, they are still second best to men and born to serve men. Talk about being sexist grandiose.

Submitted by smwomen02 on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 14:53
 

one of the worst stories i've heard

SMW, that's one of the worst stories I've heard about trying to put a woman "in her place."  Yikes!   I hope that guy's long gone, but I wouldn't be suprised if he's doing better now than he was then.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Submitted by Nordette on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 15:22
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