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My five-year-old has been lucky so far. She's never been bullied.
That I know about.
She entered kindergarten this year, though, and it got me to thinking about how many more kids there are in ratio to fewer adults. And playgrounds. And older kids mixed with younger kids. And younger kids mixed with younger kids. And just kids being mean in general. And I started getting a little nervous for my wee one.
It turns out bullying can start as young as five. Heather at A Mama's Blog wrote this about two older boys pushing her kindergarten son around on the playground:
He rode over to me, and I flat out asked him, if he had told my little boy he had a gun and he was going to shoot him. He said no, and told me he was a good kid. He said he had only told Ryan he had a toy gun. I asked him why he had pushed Ryan, and he denied that. I told him I had seen him push Ryan’s back. He looked down at his shoes. I asked him what his name was, and how old he was. He told me his name, and then told me he was all of eight years old. I asked him if the other boy (Baggy Pants) was his brother and he said no-they were friends. He then told me his name, and told me he was ten.
Margaret at Parenting Squad wrote a good post on how to tell if your kid is being bullied or is bullying.
Here's one of her tips on handling your angel the bully:
Know about the violence. Confront your little angel. How will our bully/angels ever stop bullying if we parents ignore it and don’t discuss it with our bully/angels? They need to know what they did was wrong. Not confronting it will not make it go away. When my daughter was on a biting spree I asked her every day whether or not she bit someone and whether she’d stopped (she had).
Much of what I'm reading about bullying also talks about the bystanders and their role. As a parent, I am up in people's business all the time, much to my own horror. It's like some switch flipped in me when I gave birth that compels me to go up to crying children I don't know if they look like they are alone or lost. In the literature, there's no agreement as to whether a parent should get involved or let the bullied child deal with it personally. The bets are off for me if I see it going on when other adults aren't around. We can call kids out on their behavior and let them know on no uncertain terms it's not okay.
Kelly at Five Minutes for Mom writes:
When you witness bullying happening, model for your kids how to stop it. Address issues with children and their parents, on the playground, park or birthday parties. Be respectful, but direct and name the behavior: “Bullying isn’t tolerated here.”
Have your kids been bullied or been bullies themselves? What did you do?
