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I grew up in one house before moving through two dorms, one sorority house, seven apartments and two houses. I know someday my parents will move or move on, and I'll be forced to help with the downsizing efforts. I'm not looking forward to it, mostly because you can accumulate quite a bit of junk in 35 years, but also because I remember the bittersweet memories that flooded me the last time I walked through my grandparents' house after they died. I can't decide if it would be harder to help my parents move while they were living or after they'd died. They might protest less if it happened later.
For certain, moving your parents can have benefits. Your parents might need to be closer to doctors, to grandchildren or to other support groups. They might want to take advantage of city attractions or clean fewer square feet of space. Whether you're helping your parents move while they're still alive or cleaning out their house later, vacating a precious space is hard. I'm always amazed at the clarity of my memories of my parents' house, down to its unique sounds and smells. I have a visceral reaction to the sound of the childhood ceiling ducts clicking at night. It sounds like home.
Cristina Berretta at Tin Monkey on a Bike writes:
I can’t recall exactly how many times as a youngster I packed up my red and yellow Snoopy suitcase and headed to Grandma’s. At the time Grandma and Pop-Pop lived in a large two story house not too far from us. If I had the time I could draw the floor plan from memory, the large living room with a retro TV and stereo cabinet, the cavernous game room with a large pool table.
Ah, yes. I could not only draw my grandparents' floorplan, I could document their entire acreage. They lived next door to me until I left home at 18 for college.
Moving is hardest when one grandparent is moving without the other. Jessica Knapp writes of her grandmother's painful experience at The Good Death:
It's a draining process, I'm sure. But one surprising thing that has come up for my mother: my grandmother won't let her throw away anything that has my grandpa's name on it. And it's not a security issue. Because we're not talking about bills and bank statements. Even old notes and junk mail with printed labels.
When pressed for explanation, grandma says, "We can't throw away his name."
But it's not the actual object with his name. Because my mother is allowed to throw away these things if she takes a Sharpee and blacks out his name. So there's something very specific about the power of his written name that my grandmother doesn't want to see end up in the garbage.
Regardless of why your parents are moving, if they are living, it's important for the younger generation to be patient. Though we've lived a more transient life, our parents may have not. Eldercare ABC Blog offers a great post on easing the transition, including this abridged list.
1. Grief. This is a very strong emotion that is very common in all aged people and is very difficult to handle.
2. Loss of independence and control.
3. If they move in with their children there is the added problem of role reversal; until now they were the parents and provided care for their children.
4. Overwhelmed. Moving, at any age, takes a lot of work.
Have you moved your parents? If you're a grandparent and downsized, how did you feel about it?
