When My College Dream is My Dad's Reality

This is my senior year of high school and in the next few months I will be sending off eight college applications, four of which are in New York. I have talked about my dream to study and live in New York and have even begged my dad to take me, which he did this past April.

Earlier this past week, my dad asked me if I was going to talk about school with my counselor. I said yes because I thought he meant the stress and anxiety I was having about high school. I asked him if he wanted to come with and at the last minute and agreed to come. When we got in there, I told my counselor my dad wanted to talk about school. My dad then said that he was nervous for me to go to school in New York because of safety reasons and where I would go for support if I do get overly anxious or stressed (which is bound to happen) since I barely have anyone there. After this meeting and discussing it with my counselor, it bascially came down to whether or not I wanted to take the safe route (stay in-state) or go for what I've been striving for (go out of state).

It definitely was something I didn't really bother with thinking about because I never wanted to stay in-state. I know I will be homesick and miss my family. I've cried over it already because I don't want to leave them. But, just like I told my dad, I'd feel guilty towards myself and potentially to my family if I stayed in Indiana because my family wanted me to be safe and have some support. I want to see if New York is for me. I won't and can't promise that is for me. For all I know, I could end up hating every moment of it and cry to my dad to drive up here and take me home. Or, I could love it and never want to leave. But it would be harder to never see what would become of me going to college in New York than if I never went to begin with.

My dad never pushed me and my sister to do anything we want, even with this conversation, he said he would support me no matter my decision. But he also taught us that we need to be determined to reach our goals and never to tell outrselves no. I don't want to tell myself no because I've kept telling myself to keep going even when I told myself for a time that I wouldn't even get in to any NY colleges. 

This is still a conversation in our house and will be even more so when I start getting acception/rejection letters. I know that my dad is just being a protective father and is wanting the best for me and my health, but I also need to go with what will make me happy. There is nothing wrong with Indiana schools, they're actually amazing. But I can't see myself going to them, I've built up my dream of New York so much that all I can see now is running through Central Park in the morning and going to see a Broadway show on a Friday night. That may it all just be is a dream but if I get the chance I probably will go with what I truly want. Hopefully, my own New York-born father will see I can handle myself and that he's taught me enough that I'll be more scared of my courseload than where I live.

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