When "OUT" turns into "IN".
By danijane on June 04, 2012
Today's prompt is "what is something you recently jumped into"? Holy hellfire....
I am actually jumping out of something. (For my regular readers this will bore the crap out of you....sorry:)
I jumped into running full on...3 years ago. It was flat life changing. I loved it. All of it. I loved my running group. I loved the camaraderie. I loved the way it made me feel. I loved the sound of all of the running feet on the pavement and the dirt. I loved the running coaches. Running was something I could do, sans children, without my husband...on my own!
My broken neck ended my running. Until I decided that it didn't HAVE to. January 2012, I joined another running group and started running again. My neck had healed as best as it could and as long as I kept my eyes down, I probably wouldn't trip...what with the dragging foot and all....
March 17, 2012, I ran my race. My 5K. My sister ran with me....she hadn't trained but she had enough worry about me and my ability to finish, that she agreed to run with me. My 10 year old daughter ran the race too. She beat my time by 11 minutes, and got 3rd place in her age group.
15 hours after the race, I was on a plane to San Diego for Spring Break. 5 hours later I was in the ICU, at a hospital in San Diego, with bi-lateral pneumonia, sepsis, a broken toe and 2 torn rotator cuffs.
I recovered in time to have 2-1/2 days of Spring Break with my sisters and the 5 cousins.
So now.....I am jumping OUT of running.
It kind of breaks my heart. I have a running shirt that reads "running changes everything". That, for me, is an understatement. Running changed everything for me TWICE.
It is time for me to say goodbye to running. My fragile, Rheumatoid Arthritis stricken body has had enough.
I will be a walker. Maybe.
My shoulders hurt when I run....I know this because I tried...last week. My daughter and I took a "walk" last week and I suggested we run for a short bit......she practically wrestled me to a stop! She is 9.
"No mom! You will not run..ever again...stop it"!
My girls have weathered my health storm too many times. It is my duty to protect them so I will not run again.
It is difficult for me to write that. It is near impossible for me to say it. My heart hurts a little bit. That is pretty sad.
I have nothing to prove. It isn't even about that. It was just such a great pursuit for me. Unexpectedly joyful.
Lucinda Williams sings a song about losing her joy...
you took my joy
I want it back
you took my joy
I want it back
I'm gonna go to Slidell and look for my joy
I highly doubt I will find my joy in Slidell....but I have to find a new joy...
I blame RA. But the solution is mine to find. I guess I can "JUMP" into the search for my new joy.
Yep....that's what I will do....
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