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About a year ago a former friend and I had a huge misunderstanding centered around abortion, morality, personal beliefs and womanhood. It all started innocently enough with me sharing the happy news of my pregnancy with a woman who I'd considered to be one of the closest friends I have and someone I definately wanted in the delivery room with me. She and I had been through so much together and this was huge, life altering and I wanted her to be there for me as we'd always been there for each other. In fact I was the one who went with her and held her hand two years ago as she had an abortion.
Her reponse was to ask me if I were considering abortion, again innocent enough, I'd told her no it's not an option I consider for me. That comment set off a wave of questions and discussion. "Why would you go with me to get an abortin if you'd never consider it for yourself?" Because abortion isn't for everyone. "Whats that supposed to mean?" It means abortion isn't an option I'd choose for myself because of my personal beliefs. "Is this about religion?" No its about individuality, my baby and my family. " What about your body, this can't be good for your health think of yourself!" And that ladies and gentlemen is where things went downhill. You see I have a health issue that makes conception and pregnancy rather difficult for me and a hazard ot my health though I am capable of childbearing, its not something that comes highly recommended. SHe knew this and because I don't back down from answering questions about my choices when there is legitimate concern, I told her the only thing I could tell her, the truth. My response was something like this:
From the moment I knew of my baby's developing existence, I loved it. For me there was an instant bond, an instant attachment to the little person I helped create. Motherhood is very serious sometimes selfless sometimes selfish state which requires a lot of sacrifice, I love my unborn child enough to start sacrificing right now.
Of all that she honed in on my reference to my unborn child as a "baby" and not a zygote or embryo or fetus and asked me when did life start? I told her as far as me and my pregnancy is concerned it started before I even knew I was pregnant, when the sperm fertilized the egg. Had I been pregnant and miscarried and never knew either occured it would have been the same as having a brother or sister you didn't knwo about and they die and you don't know of their death. Whats there to mourn when you don't even know it exists? She went and on about how MY beliefs could jeopardize an entire movement.
Me. The same woman who held her hand when she had an abortion. The same woman who told protestors to back off. The same woman who volunteers her time and energy to the movement so that women who don't feel instant attachment to their pregnancies and are not up to being a mother at the moment has the option of ending the pregnancy. I don't see the hypocrisy in my lassiez faire attitude about abortion, if you want to do it you should be able to do it legally. Why do I feel that way? Well 1) Motherhood is no walk in the park no matter how beautiful it can be. 2) Juman Beings have sex for pleasure its nature's way of enticing us into reproductive, intentional or not. For those who were enticed but did not intend, they should have opt out choices.
For me, Pro Choice eans you embrace and support the right to choose, whether you personally have a strong preference for abortions or whether you silently yet briefly mourn the pregnancies that are aborted if you can be open minded and considerate enough not to force YOUR decisions and YOUR choices on others (via law), you're Pro-Choice. The only time the conflict between the politcial beliefs and personal beliefs become personal is when you would take AWAY the right for everyone else to have an abortion, except when you want one.
