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Sometimes our sweet baby girls grow up into scary young women!
I once laughingly said that around the age of 9-10, both of my girls, went through a PPMS stage, or a Practicing PMS stage. Both have now advanced to what I unsmilingly refer to as PRe-PMS...also known around here as Psychotic-Reactions-PMS. Having never suffered from any form of PMS, it has certainly been a learning experience. Hopefully, what I have learned will help others whose daughters grow up to be scary too.
1) Do NOT look at them.
* Looking at them can sometimes lead to a 3 hour tirade about how "SOME PEOPLE have a staring problem!"
2) Do NOT ask the "wrong" question.
* Which means, don't ask them anything.
3) Do NOT make stupid noises.
* This means don't breathe too loudly...better yet, don't breathe if you happen to be in the same room with them.
4) Do NOT take food, even if it's "just a french fry", from a PRe-PMSing girl.
* I've found out that this is grounds, in their opinion, for justifiable homicide.
5) And whatever you do, NEVER venture a guess that their attitude may be directly related to a certain time of month.
* The reaction to this statement gives me flashbacks to the headspinning scene in "The Exorcist"!
6) DO invest in preventitive measures...
* String yourself a necklace of garlic, buy a cross, hire an Exorcist.
7) DO buy stock in Bacardi's or a like company of your choice.
*I guarantee you'll take up drinking.
8) DO invest in a vacation home.
* You'll need somewhere to go when it becomes obvious that running away is safer than being at home with these scary girls.
Oh, in case you are wondering, I asked both of my girls permission to post this. Didn't want them to come back and make my head spin around unnaturally!
ADDENDUM:
Obviously I know PMS is a real thing! And I try to handle it with humor. Okay, that's a lie...I lay low, barely breathing, like the coward that I am, for fear that I'll inspire the wrath of a PMSing young lady! So, it was with great trepidation that I actually participated in the conversation when my youngest daughter brought up the subject of PMS last night. She asked me if there are medicines for PMS. She (finally!) realizes how bitchy and emotionally out of control she gets. She says she "hates everyone...just because..."
"Because they're breathing?" I offered as a finish to her sentence. (Gosh, that was brave of me.)
"Yeah, that's pretty much it." she acknowledged. As the conversation continued, I realized that her admitting that the problem was with her and not the rest of us for merely breathing, was a step in the right direction.
She ventured to say that her life would be so much better without PMS.
"Yeah. Mine too." I said. (Dammit! I was really being stupidly brave! Why'd I say that?)
Anyway, a bit later she was on line IMing a friend. She told him that she was gonna get some meds for her PMS. Her friend said, "Thank God!"
I guess the thought of her getting some relief for her PMS brings out the faith in all of us...I know that in my head, because I'm not a complete imbecile, I was singing "Hallelujah. Hallelujah." Amen.
