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I'd like to take back any mean thing I've said about being the recipient of unwanted advancements in a bar. Although these situations can be annoying -- especially if I'm talking to a friend at the time, or I'm trying my hardest NOT to look at that person (which should be a good clue) -- most of the people I encounter in regular bars are polite and unthreatening.
This was not the case last weekend when I was hanging out in DC. Even though I live just a few miles outside of Washington, DC in northern VA (and work in the city five days a week), I rarely spend time there at night.
(I’m not implying that the location itself was the sole factor. It was Halloween night, and I was dressed…provocatively, I guess you could say -- which is something I don’t normally do. I’m not saying this excuses bad behavior in any way, just that it might have played a role.)
The thing is, though, I was hit on at least three different times, none of them were handled the right way, and all of them made me feel very uncomfortable. And because of what happened, it makes me a little wary of putting myself in a similar situation.
Here's what happened:
Scenario 1: Being Physically Grabbed
Walking through the second floor of the Hard Rock Cafe, several paces behind my friends (I was wearing high heels, so I couldn't walk as fast as I normally do). My progress was abruptly halted when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. “Why are you all by yourself, sweetheart?” he asked. "I'm not," I said as I jerked my arm away and continued walking.
(Internal thoughts: "Really, dude? Grabbing my arm?")
Scenario 2: Not Getting the Hint
Same location, but standing near the downstairs dance floor with a female. A man approaches and starts talking to me. Keeps saying stuff like, “I know I need to leave you alone,” and “I don’t want to stick around here and hit on you,” but he didn’t leave until I got on the phone (purposefully, so he would go away).
(Internal thoughts: I was trying not to be rude, but I should have done/said something sooner.)
Scenario 3: Being asked for personal Information
Waiting at a Metro station with the same female, trying to get home. A visibly drunk man approaches and asks me, “Where are you going?”
Me: "I don't feel comfortable giving you that information."
Him: "Well, there are only so many stops on this line."
Me [thinking, 'Is he going to follow me to see where I get off?']: "Look, I'm talking to my friend right now."
Him: “Fine! That’s what I get for telling you that you’re beautiful.”
(Internal thoughts: “Um, no, crazy man. That's not what you said. But thanks. Now go away.”)
I’ve also been harassed by someone in a car once, while I was on foot. And a few months ago, at a bar in Alexandria, a man that my roommate and I were having a friendly conversation with became overly aggressive and tried to pull up my shirt ("to see if I had a belly-button ring" was his explanation). Luckily a male friend arrived just then and stepped in to help.
Did you get that last sentence? "Luckily a male friend arrived just then and stepped in to help.”
In the three scenarios I listed from Halloween night, the common denominator was that I was alone, or standing with another female -- there were no guys around at the time. It kind of upsets me that the presence of another male would most likely have thwarted all those things from happening. While I appreciate having a protector, I shouldn’t need one.
I won’t stay away from places I want to go if I only have a female with me, but maybe I’ll start wearing a shirt that says, “Keep Away or my Boyfriend Will Kick Your Ass.”
Have you guys experienced anything similar? Have you noticed that the presence of a male friend/boyfriend tends to keep unwanted advancements at bay?
Related Reading:
When Cheri got hit on by a creepy guy while riding a bus, she used the common stand-by line, “I have a boyfriend.”
Natalie couldn’t get rid of a guy at work who was bothering her, so she decided to “take a big swig from my water bottle to flash him my sparkly wedding ring diamond.” He retreated
