Nursing
When Will The Breastfeeding Mommy Wars End?
by katstone

My friend Adrienne Griffin pointed out to me a recent article in the Atlantic called "The Case Against Breastfeeding".  I think the title goes a little far, as breastfeeding is of course just fine.  The title should have read "The Case Against Acting Like Breastfeeding Is the Only Way to Be a Good Mom."  Author Hannah Rosin compares the medical literature on breastfeeding with the pop culture view on breastfeeding and finds out how much the

two differ, after discussing her potential plans to stop breastfeeding her baby:

"One afternoon at the playground last summer, shortly after the birth of my third child, I made the mistake of idly musing about breast-feeding to a group of new mothers I’d just met. This time around, I said, I was considering cutting it off after a month or so. At this remark, the air of insta-friendship we had established cooled into an icy politeness, and the mothers shortly wandered away to chase little Emma or Liam onto the slide. Just to be perverse, over the next few weeks I tried this experiment again several more times. The reaction was always the same: circles were redrawn such that I ended up in the class of mom who, in a pinch, might feed her baby mashed-up Chicken McNuggets."

This from a mom who didn't suffer postpartum depression.  Adrienne, the founder of Postpartum Support Virginia, pointed out that breastfeeding is often the #1 topic of discussion in some of the PPD support groups she has helped lead, as this issue often causes such pain for moms who are suffering.  Some moms want to breastfeed but can't due to low supply, or because baby can't suck, or perhaps because they're on medication contraindicated in breastfeeding.  Sometimes this actually leads them into their depression.  Other moms refuse to get treated for postpartum depression or anxiety because they don't want to be on medication while breastfeeding, all the while often unaware of the potential dangers of untreated postpartum depression for both mother and child.  Some moms don't want to breastfeed, whether they are or aren't depressed, but do it while miserable to keep up with the Joneses.  For other moms who are depressed, breastfeeding is the only thing that helps them feel close to their child and they continue on while getting treated at the same time.  There is no one-size-fits all story around whether moms should or shouldn't breastfeed. 

It's too bad the Atlantic article didn't point out the effect the breastfeeding mystique has on women with postpartum depression and related illnesses.  It would have been a great supporting point to her piece.  If you read any of the stories from the Mother's Day Rally for Mom's Mental Health -- such as this one from Sophie in the Moonlight -- you can see how much moms are affected by the expectation that they will and should breastfeed if they truly love their babies.  You can find another great story on the issue of breastfeeding and postpartum depression -- A Mother Without A Breast -- here, written by Lisa Sniderman.  And still another great piece, which references the same Atlantic article, by Morra Aarons Mele on BlogHer about the breastfeeding debate in general, with lots of comments from readers.

Interestingly enough, Therese Borchard just wrote about this very subject today on Beyond Blue after receiving some negative comments on her post for the Mother's Day Rally for Moms' Mental Health, like this one:

Dear New Mothers,
Don’t make the same mistake this writer did. Learn the real facts about breastfeeding and depression medication. Know that there are options that can both treat your completely legitimate mental health needs and preserve your breastfeeding relationship. Know that your needs and your baby’s needs are not always in conflict. Breastfeeding need not be a soul-crushing, life-stealing endeavor. Indeed, you might find (as many do, as I do) that it is a life preserver, that it sustains and nurtures you and your baby through the good times and the bad.

Actually, the only thing new mothers need to know is that some moms can breastfeed and some moms can't  -- for some it's a life preserver and for some it's an anchor -- yet all can have loving, healthy relationships with their babies regardless. 

I couldn't breastfeed, even though I was being treated for my postpartum OCD.  Breastfeeding exacerbated my anxiety, as I was constantly and consistently FREAKED OUT over how much milk my son was getting.  My breast did not have ounce markings on it, and that was enough to cause me unrelenting worry.  This was all made worse by the fact that the nurses in the hospital nursery chose to supplement him with formula to help his jaundice, without my knowledge, causing horrible nipple confusion and a refusal to latch on.  For me, stopping breastfeeding in the end was one thing, among others, that allowed me to calm down and focus on getting better while at the same time not being hysterical when it came to the feeding of my child.

I look forward to the day when women support each other in their choices, including breastfeeding.  We all travel down different roads. 

Submitted by katstone (view blog) on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 9:32am

Comments

 

While I can understand and

While I can understand and even agree with some of Rosin's assertations about the "pop culture" issue, she completely misrepresented the medical literature. She picked and chose a few studies about a few of the "benefits" of breastfeeding that are not that significant and ignored the rest of the more significant benefits to the mother and the baby's health. She ignored the most comprehensive review of scientific literature on the benefits of breastfeeding, which can be found here:

Breastfeeding and maternal and infant health outcomes in developed countries 

That said, although it is clear that breastfeeding is scientifically the best option if all other things are equal, I do understand that other things are not always equal. Some women don't want to breastfeed, some can't breastfeed, some get horrible advice, some are dealing with the postpartum depression issues that you described. 

I think it is too bad that some breastfeeding advocates feel the need to belittle moms that formula feed. I also think it is too bad that some formula feeding moms or moms considering switching to formula feel the need to downplay the benefits of breastfeeding in order to justify their decision. 

I know it would be healthier from a pure nutritional standpoint if I put a homecooked meal based on whole grains, vegetables, and healthy proteins on the table each night. Unfortunately, that isn't always possible and I need to balance the need to feed my kids well with my need to earn a living and spend time with my kids. However, I don't feel the need to write and publish an article that claims that the nutritional benefits of a homecooked meal over takeout pizza are minimal at best (like Rosin did with her "Case Against Breastfeeding"). 

In relation to some of the issues you brought up within your post, I read recently in this post that you should:

- Never overestimate a mother’s desire to breastfeed her infant.
- Never underestimate a mother’s desire to breastfeed her infant.

That is the delicate challenge of trying to support a mom that has PPD or even a mom that doesn't have PPD and is considering her feeding choices and/or dealing with breastfeeding issues. Some women are looking for any excuse possible to not breastfeed and to justify their decision not to. Other mothers will move hell and highwater to breastfeed and will knock over anyone that suggests that they switch to formula and will feel like a huge failure if they are not successful. This is more about the mother than it is about the baby's health, but it can be a significant factor. 

Annie 

PhD in Parenting - http://phdinparenting.com

Submitted by phdinparenting on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 12:16
 

Pft Do Whats best for you and your baby

I absolutly support breastfeeding I really do.  I was only able to breastfeed for 2 weeks due to lack of milk supply.  I took supplements, seen lactation consultants and I wasn't going to let my baby starve just because I wanted to feel that bond or because it was "morally" correct.  I think judging those who can't or don't want to is wrong.  Some of us have jobs and are very busy people these days.  Breastfeeding can be hard when you work long hours and you can't always keep your ownself fed so what good does that do to that baby anyway?  Just like some who've had c-sections it doesn't mean you failed but your baby came out just as healthy as those born naturally.  So just because you formula feed your baby deffinently doesn't mean you've failed as a mother.  It's just what works best for you and that's fine.  I was fed formula and my son was as well and he's a perfectly healthy 4 year old and is even smarter than 95 percent of the class. 

-*soldier85*-

Submitted by soldier85 on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 12:41
 

Oh yeah the answere to the question

Here I am blabbing away but forgot to answere the question.  In my honest opinion I don't think it will ever end.  There will always be a battle between natural and formulated and that's just what it is.  In my opinion do what you think is best and ignore all the nagging voices.  Those voices caused my depression so if I have another baby I know what to do and my life will be so much better because I know that. 

-*soldier85*-

Submitted by soldier85 on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 12:56
 

Feminism and Motherhood

This was a very valuable article in feminism today.  I agree with the original author's statement that said, "The Case Against Acting Like Breastfeeding Is the Only Way to Be a Good Mom."  Women, for one reason or another, have drawn a line in the sand to define what a good mother is.  And today, breastfeeding makes a good mother.  It is so important that we examine these lines in society and have the freedom and the choice to cross them and not be ridiculed.  Choice is what feminism is about.  We have the freedom to choose formula or breastfeeding, daycare or nanny, at home or away from home, to cry it out or not to cry it out, etc.  As mothers we can choose everything for ourselves and our children.  

Many women I know get very defensive about breastfeeding.  When I say that I breastfeed it is not an announcement.  I do not put on my "Good Mother" sash and parade about the town, and yet many mothers have felt the need to explain their situation:  I had a surgery and couldn't, I had no milk, I couldn't do it, It was too hard.

It's okay if you don't.  It's okay.  You will be a good mother.  You will do your best. 

We shouldn't have to explain ourselves.  That's what the article points out and that is what we women must work on accepting. 

http://letthewildrumpusstart.typepad.com

Submitted by fitzgeraldpowers on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 09:14
 

I do agree that women

I do agree that women shouldn't have to explain themselves, but I completely disagree that that is what the article points out. In the Case Against Breastfeeding, Hanna Rosin makes numerous false and disparging comments about breastfeeding:

  • She minimizes the health benefits by picking and choosing a few studies instead of focusing on the most comprehensive metastudy done.  
  • She claims the breastfeeding is an instrument of misery that keeps women down, that they cannot breastfeed and work in a meaningful way, that you cannot breastfeed and have an equal marriage, etc. While that might be true for some women and some families, you cannot generalize about it and it certainly wasn't true for me. I responded to her remarks here: The Case Against Breastfeeding - Is it Anti-Feminist? 

I don't think it is useful to anyone to say that if you breastfeed you are a good mother and if you don't you are not. However, that doesn't mean that we need to minimize the benefits of breastfeeding or pretend that it is anti-feminist. It may not be right for everyone, but that doesn't make it evil. 

PhD in Parenting - http://phdinparenting.com

Submitted by phdinparenting on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 09:59
 

Breastfeeding is a Man's Job Too

 

I appreciated Griffin's article for the honesty she showed in sharing her experience.  I think it also deserves to be noted, that though she didn't mention this, men play an important role in breastfeeding, making it easier or harder for the mom. BF'ing should be a real discussion between both parents, not just among moms and her friends.  I do think men should be more aware of the challenges women face and how they can be more supportive.  I wrote about this on my blog at www.expectingwords.com.  Here's the direct link to the blog post: http://expectingwords.com/breastfeeding-is-a-mans-job-too

 

 

Submitted by lauriepuhn on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 07:34
 

Where is everyone getting this? Mommy wars?

Are people living in such a highly critical environment...and if so, why?

Everyone knew I breastfed, and I can't recall anyone in real life who cared, at ALL. Likewise for my many friends who bottlefed. I've had friends who suggested a bottle would make my life easier (or my babyweight drop off faster) and friends who asked me for help or suggestions, but judging? No. Who does that to friends?

Online, sure. To judge by message boards and blogging sites, the world is divided into warring camps of sahm v wm, breast is best v bottle feeding, and homeschoolers v everyone. Of course, to judge by television there are no adoptive families and policewomen wear stilletto heels.  I'm kinda hoping that we all realize these pictures of reality are incomplete.

Don't we? I hate to think everyone is so fragile.

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who

Submitted by She Who on Wed, 05/27/2009 - 13:26
 

I know what you're saying,

I know what you're saying, but from my perspective, which is the perspective of women who are going through postpartum depression, we are, in fact, that fragile.  The breastfeeding vs. not breastfeeding thing may roll off the back of most moms, but it deeply affects suffering women.  And since suffering women often don't tell the people around them what's going on, they go to the internet looking for answers.  This is why this matters so much to me.

Katherine Stone Postpartum Progress http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com

Submitted by katstone on Thu, 05/28/2009 - 18:17
 

So how does this work for

So how does this work for PPD moms who breastfeed?

I used to be one of the 'survivors' on a PPD board. Some of the posters were bottle feeding, some breastfeeding. Some had family or spousal support, some not. Some were experiencing PPD for first babies, some for later. Some had experienced depression before. Some not. Some actually had really miserable lives. Some, not so much.

One poster was younger, and single. She was pretty close to having nothing to call her own, including a way to finish high school. But she was very attached to breastfeeding. She'd persisted with it, and was proud of that. For her, it represented a step she had taken to take care of her baby.

It's another step to take care of ourselves and our babies to say, "Nope. Everyone here is miserable, a bottle works better for us." That's a great solution for some people.

So, it's the adversarial part I don't get. Depression is a bully, really. The things depression tells us are mean. Depression tells us we're inadequate, unattractive, unlovable...never says anything nice about us. But the counter to that is not to copy it, not to spread the misery. The counter to it is to see it as it is, small, and nasty, and ultimately a wannabe who doesn't exist without OUR support.

When you cast the feeding choice 'debate' as a win or lose proposition, and you have to WIN, you're playing by the rules depression sets. You're setting yourself in a universe of scarce resources, and the only possible outcome of that is a fight to get your slice. It's not the only reality you can create, however.

Was the girl I talked about wrong to be proud of her breastfeeding? Was she right? I'd say, neither, both. Just as one woman might be proud to lose 5 pounds and one might be proud to gain 5 pounds, and both be right, women are entitled to be proud of their healthy choices around baby feeding. Healthy for THEIR family.

My sister intended to breastfeed. She didn't want to talk to me about it, mostly because I'm her big sister and cast an annoying shadow. It seemed to me that her plan (which involved a pretty much instant return to a demanding job, pumping, complicated daycare and a completely unsupportive husband, just for starters) had a small probability of success. My utterly fabulous neice THRIVED on formula, but it took my sister almost killing herself (hospitalized with severe mastitis) before she was ready to embrace that option. That's awful, and I'm glad it didn't go any further wrong. 

I don't consider either of these women 'failures'. Both made decisions they knew were best for their families...not because they had particular support for their choice (the younger one knew NO one who supported breastfeeding, except online) and had the experience of getting what we all want...happy families.

This debate isn't the root of the problem in ppd. It's a symptom. A distraction. Rather than extend this "mommy war" by continuing a debate between women justly proud of their choices, whatever they are why don't we just congratulate ourselves for making it this far? :)

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who

Submitted by She Who on Thu, 05/28/2009 - 22:10