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How this could happen, I don't know. I know it happened both slowly and in an instant. I know other people's actions eroded our relationship over time, and it didn't help that we didn't handle it quickly. I know it is both of our faults and yet neither of ours. I know I am too tired to go on. I know I feel too alone and I feel like my fiancee's mother will never allow us to be happy and peaceful. And I know my fiancee will never walk away from the dysfunctional abuse her mother throws at us. I know that I don't have the words to even finish this entry. I just do not have the energy. I am so, so ready to die. I wish it had ended differently. I was engaged to a beautiful, smart, wonderful woman. Someday she will find a way to be happy. I only hope she realizes that it begins inside of herself.
What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....
