When you haven't gotten over your ex

I left my first husband because of his drinking and the plan was, as agreed with his father and mother, that they would leave him alone also, he would hit rock bottom, and we would be there to support him as he started to rise again.

 His mother backed out on the deal and as soon as she saw him suffering she moved him back to her house.  I became the Evil Queen, and that was that.

I am now very very happy with someone else.  In between though, I lived with, had a child with, and married a different person.  I guess it was an extreme version of a rebound.  Whatever.  I knew all the way through, that if the Ex1 had ever asked me to go back, I would have.   

Now I know that this is different, this is years on, and this is all well.  I have to see Ex2 because of the child, (whom I love devotedly and who has taught me about loving unconditionally) and I know that the feelings I have for him, are so totally different to the way I feel about Ex1 that a lesson was learnt. 

What matters now though, is that I am happy.  The other half is happy.  The child is happy.  And I hear through the grapevine that the Ex1 has stopped the drinking, but is single and missing me still, after 7 years.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't slightly enjoy knowing that.  I hope he keeps feeling like that, but finds someone, gets married, has kids, is the great father I knew he could be.  And I hope missing me keeps him sober and realising what he could lose again if he goes back to the beer.

Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.
~ by Rev Ed Hird ~

That's the thing about love, it doesn't end when your separation or divorce does. Real love goes on and the pain can be excruciating. Furthermore, there isn't a pill to ease the pain, it is the kind that comes from deep within and you suffer through it.

I am away from my ex (we were married 34 years) because he loved me but someone else, too?? Anyway, that was his way of letting me down easy. Then, foolishly, I remarried before I was truly over him. After awhile, anything he did that reminded me of my ex, aroused distrust and the marriage is on the rocks. We are separated and he has since found someone else. (I found out after marriage, that he goes through women like underwear, too)

My heart is broken but what a lesson in love I'm learning. It sure is a painful lesson, though. Expect I'll survive but seeing either one of them puts my heart right back on the bottom of the scrap heap again.

Wish I had a button to turn off my feelings!