When You Want to Sell Your Kids, Maybe Just Sell Their Stuff
This past week we had to take away the little angel’s tap shoes. They’re not really tap shoes, but they look just like tap shoes, all patent-leathery and shiny and all that. The problem is that every time the little angel puts them on, she frets and squirms and whines because they are just a wee bit too big. I admit that as I wrenched them off her perfect feet before school the other day and hid them in my closet, I thought how good it would feel to sell them, or maybe her, on Ebay.
I’m not the first mother to threaten to sell her kid on Ebay. Melissa Summers did it on the Today Show while discussing cocktail playdates. She didn’t think her comment went over all that well with Meredith Veira.
"Things I wish you could have seen: Meredith Viera choking on a monster sized turd when I suggested sometimes my children make me think about ridiculous things, like selling him on ebay."
Of course, we’re not serious. We love our kids! Love them! We’re KIDDING, it’s SARCASM, but sometimes people are offended.
"I realize that on this blog I joke about beating my kids and if I were to be taken at my very sarcastic word every reader of mine will no doubt think that I deserve a one-way ticket to the Betty Ford and eons of sensitivity training. But! I would like to remind everyone here that in the real world I'm not some perpetually ill-tempered, foul-mouthed, alcoholic scumbag who beats her children with telephone books and poisons dogs. (Wednesdays excepted)"
"So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say 'Energy.' I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them."
I haven’t sold the little angel’s tap shoes.