When Your Husband is a Little TOO Helpful
By CroMom on September 10, 2013
I know I shouldn't complain about this...and there are many women out there who will think I'm crazy - BUT my husband is driving me absolutely MAD!
First let me say that he is an awesome guy. His noncomfrontational personality combined with his training as a counselor makes him very easy to get along with most of the time...HOWEVER...his need to comfront in a passive-aggressive way doesn't always jive with my "in-you-face-tell-it-how-it-is" personality. And let me add feeling like your husband is always "counseling" or managing your emotional reactions can get a bit annoying.
So, here we are in the second week of school. A few years ago I quit my awesome job as a labor negotiator to stay home with the kids. Now my job is CEO of the house - my husband however feels the need to jump in all the freakin time! He tries to be helpful but only with the things he likes to do. So for example he will get the 5 year old worked up 2 days before soccer practice by running through the house gathering the supplies (socks, balls, guards). Instead, it would be helpful if you would just take out the garbage and put a new bag in there!
Today is a wierd day here...so I have a babysitter coming over to sit with #2 and get #1 off the bus so I can go to a meeting at school. It is an orientation for Kindergarten families. I want to go becuase I'm not familiar with how schools operate now days (my husband is a counselor in a school so to him this is old news). After the meeting I will race home to get #1 to soccer practice (where DH is the coach). So DH says to me "you know you should leave the garage door open so that #1 can get in the house. Seems like an innocent enough comment right??? However, I can't help but wonder (and because of my previously described personality trait) say outloud "what exactly did you think I was going to do? Lock the doors???"
Of course, this was met with some annoyance from DH...and he says "why can't you just say OK and then turn your back and roll your eyes at me." Because that's not my style...that's your style - was my reply...which he didn't appreciate because turns out he has no idea that he is passive aggressive!!!
Here is an example of his passive aggressive solutions:
me: "why don't we go to the zoo."
Him: "hey kids, we are going to the park"
me: "what happened to the zoo?"
Him: "well the kids think we are going to the park so we'll just do that."
Couldn't you just say I don't feel like the zoo???? This is a stupid example but it illustrates how he handles the conflict when it happens. He just ignores it and expects me to adjust. AND I try...let me tell you I try with all my heart to just go with the flow. In the previous situation I would just go to the park and leave it alone because ultimately it doesn't matter where we go as long as we are hanging out together and the kids are having fun.
BUT - enough already. I'm fully capable of getting the kids from point A to point B without locking anyone out of the house. OK there was the one time I locked #1 in the car - but who hasn't done that at least once???
So DH...if you are reading this - leave my house calendar alone...stop writing the times of televised soccer matches on my calendar. I use this to remind myself of things to do not of important television events. And I don't need you to tell me to "be nice to people". I am nice, I'm just not fake. If you don't like me, that's fine we probably won't make good friends so let's just leave it alone. And I can manage getting the kid off the bus...so thanks again for the tips.
OK...so let me have it! I know if these are my biggest issues I should count my blessings - but they are annoying!!! Anyone else have a helpful husband who manages to make you feel incompetent at times???
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