When you're grown up and a parent you'll understand...

When we are kids, we're told, "One day when you're a parent... you'll understand." Up until About 14 months ago, I would have stood by my thirteen year old opinion and said this was just something that parents say. But now, as I am watching my own baby play on her mat on the floor and I am cautiously scanning every object around her for potential signs of danger while mentally calculating how many minutes of tummy time she has left- I understand my mother in ways I could have never imagined.

So for all of those times that...

  • I thought you were doing something because, "you're a meanie"
  • I was pretty sure you were just putting me to bed because you didn't want to hang out with me anymore (I may have been partially right on this one but, apparently kids do need some sleep)
  • I didn't want to introduce my friends to you (I see now that for years you were in control of everyone I saw, talked to, sneezed around, or breathed the same air as... and then I just grew up, got a car and said, "Okay see ya later!")
  • I was pretty sure you were punishing me with vegetables (except lima beans... there is no way you thought those things were good for anyone- the dog wouldn't even eat them!)
  • I cut it pretty close to curfew (Now, I get that for the five minutes before I was supposed to be home you were more strung out with worry and panic than I was about not making it home in time because you are a mom- so you assume some terrible has happened to me)
  • I wished to be a grown up
  • You tried to protect me from mean friends and mean boys and I ignored you
  • I grew out of my clothes and you had to put away another reminder that I wasn't a baby anymore
  • I put away my princess clothes and Disney movies
  • I pretended not to know you to look cool in front of my friends (I mean, they had parents too so I'm not sure why this felt like the cooler option...)
  • I stopped doing things because it "was for babies" and I was now a "big kid"
  • You told me something was too dangerous and I thought you were being mean and didn't want me to have fun
  • I made ugly faces in family pictures because I thought they were dumb
  • I lost my mind because you cleaned my room when I was gone (if you're still into doing this I've got a whole house now and I promise my mind will stay fully intact if you clean it)

For all of these times and many more... I understand now. I understand now love how fiercely you loved us, how intensely you cared, and how much you wished you could control the whole world so that we would never be sad and never feel pain and always feel like the smartest, prettiest, happiest girls in the whole world.

It's amazing when you become a mother yourself how much you learn about your own mother and your own parents. It's an experience I wasn't prepared to have but one I'm so glad I'm having. My relationship with my mom has changed in indescribable ways from babyhood to my own motherhood but the coolest part about it is seeing the ways my relationship with my daughter will change and knowing that one day she's going to call me for advice, for comfort, for love, for friendship.


Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the mamas out there!


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