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2010 Ritual: Clean out the home office space.
It gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to think about making a New Year's resolution because of the anticipation of when and why I will break it. There are so many worthy committments but this year promises to be a big year of change for me no matter what I think I can plan. My husband and I are selling the financial planning practice that we have been building for the last five years.
We have never done anything like this but it is hopefully going to save us from financial disaster. The economic crisis, the financial world melt down, has not been kind to independent financial planners who make their money off of a percentage of assets under management and we were at a crucial stage of our entrepreneurial venture, just about to turn the corner where the outgo became even with the income. Then American Express told us that because of all our outstanding balances on our various cards, they were lowering their 5K limit to 1.5K. Not because we were late in paying our monthly bills, or because they had any tangible or intangible evidence that we were a abad risk. It was a form letter that put us out of business. We tried for a while to work without credit for our large marketing expenses, but we just were not financially strong enough.
I am enjoying the process this weekend of cleaning up my home office/studio, excavating my life from the rubble of the last five years dedicated to doing what ever I had to do to keep the business running smoothly. That has meant that my home office/studio has become more of a home office/dungeon than any semblance of a studio where I used to find time to paint and write.
I have read so many old letters saved from friends. They are typical letters filling me in on their family and their endeavors, but there is one common thread in all of them and that is that they were in some way encouraging me to do what I used to do, which was to explore my creativity. Two friends that I have since grown out of touch with were overwhelmingly supportive of my creativity and thanking me profusely for sharing it with them. I had even forgotten that I had given some painting lessons to one of them and she had written to me that she had gone on to win some ribbons at the county fair. She was absolutely maternal and protective of me, giving me encouragement during a scenario where I had been going through a jury process with my artwork, trying to become a member of the local artist coop. I could feel the passion and the mother tiger in her as she expressed disbelief that anyone would ever turn me down.
So this year will be a year of getting back in touch. I will first get back in touch with my self, the one I sacrificed for my family and my business. Then I will get back in touch with those dear muses and supporters who nourished me enough to sustain me through these last five years, and have re-kindled the flame for me with their words. What will we do now that our words are disappearing into cyberspace? Had they written me e-mails or posted these sentiments on my facebook wall, I would not have them anymore and I would be lost! This is an idea to develop for sure.
I am going to work through The Artist's Way once more. My morning pages may have to be this blog but maybe I will be able to help someone else by encouraging their creativity to come out despite all the odds. This means, of course, that my words will also be falling in to the blogsphere rather than staying in some tangible form for future generations. An idea to struggle with.
