Where I Defend The Right To Enjoy The Hell Out Of Sex
By Suburbia Interrupted on November 22, 2013
I had the best 2AM, half asleep sex last night. Those romps are always the best, right? You're half asleep. Whether you're dreaming or awake has yet to be determined. And then you fully wake up, just in time to...
Instead of finishing that thought, I find myself needing to defend the right to enjoy the hell out of a 2AM sexcapade.
There are some who treat women like second class citizens, incapable of making decisions regarding their bodies. Lawmakers want to dictate what we can and cannot do with our bodies. Women carrying tampons are considered armed and dangerous.
Society is hyper-sexual yet women who embrace sex are shamed, vilified and judged.
Planned Parenthood is being defunded. Abortion clinics are being forced to close. Women who are willing to stand up and announce they are sexually active are called sluts. Mothers (like me) who try to bring sex back into the Momosphere are shamed for using words such as orgasm and oral sex. Women are being victimized by the beliefs of those who choose to vilify sex as something good, wholesome girls do not have, do, think about, act upon, experiment with or enjoy. Women are being suppressed by the idea that enjoyable sex is something only men have. Women are being victimized by the notion that using fantasy, role playing, pornography or toys in their bedroom will brand them as easy, whorish and dirty.
It is unfair to characterize females-whether a single woman, a married woman or a mother-as lesser sexual beings. Women are not on Earth for the sole purpose of breeding. Women are sexual beings-just like men. Women are free to enjoy the same pleasures their male counterparts enjoy. Women are allowed to try different sex positions, acts or scenarios. Women are allowed to watch porn, enjoy porn, and become turned on by porn. Women who choose to use birth control (or "sin skittles" as some call it) are not going to spontaneously combust. Women who choose to use birth control do so because they enjoy the sexual freedom the pills, condoms or IUDs give them.
A perk of living in a democracy are the freedoms each of us, as individuals, have. Each one of us are allowed to have opinions, ideas, theories, and beliefs. We can debate issues. We can agree to disagree. And we should be able to (within the confines of laws) live our lives the way we choose-without the fear of scrutiny or shaming.
Recently, Morality in Media accused Cosmopolitan Magazine of "promoting porn to their readers in an effort to appear edgy and current." MIMwent on and questioned Cosmopolitan's choice to use the word "girls" instead of "women" and "badass babe" instead of "intelligent, capable, compassionate, or any other quality that doesn't require bare abs and black leather." (Click the links to read the MIM piece and the rebuttal by Cosmo.)
What I am confused about is- why MIMbelieves a "badass babe" cannot be intelligent, capable and/or compassionate? I consider myself and intelligent woman who is also capable, compassionate and a total badass babe. I bare my abs. Leather is not my thing but who cares if it was? Is MIMinsinuating that woman who do wear black leather lack any intelligence and are incapable of being compassionate? Intelligent, capable and/or compassionate women ARE badass babes who are allowed to explore their sexuality without being vilified. Bare abs, black leather and all.
MIM goes on to accuse Cosmopolitan Magazineof having one goal- "to mold women into 'submissive sex kittens' while calling the process 'empowering'." What is it about Cosmo'sempowering approach in helping women feel sexy that MIM has a problem with? Is it because Cosmo uses fashion, culture, business AND sex to empower women? Is it because Cosmo is not scared to talk about the obvious? The obvious being: a majority of women are sexual and thoroughly enjoy sex. Is it because Cosmo chooses to showcase women in a way that does not suppress, victimize or shame?
I have read Cosmopolitan Magazine for years...as a teenage girl...as a 20-something woman...as a mother. It's my guilty pleasure.
I am an intelligent girl who enjoys sex.
I am a capable woman who isn't afraid to experiment...to embrace her sexuality...to share her real life experiences (the amazing, the funny, the mishaps) with the world.
I am a compassionate mother who raises four boys and a daughter to be the best person they can be. I am a mother who hopes her daughter (and sons) experience life-including exploring their sexual likes and dislikes. I am a mother who takes the time to talk to her children about life issues-including sex.
If accusing Cosmo of molding its readers into submissive beings wasn’t enough, MIMhas issues with a months old article on Cosmo.com which featured an interview with Tristan Taorimino, a feminist pornographer. MIM concedes the "perspective [of feminist porn] is not often seen in typical porn" but the organization still has issues with the fact that pornography "exploits women...such as lack of consent and a focus on male superiority."
I applaud (and I bet Cosmo would agree) MIM for their stance on sex and pornography that harms women. But not all pornography is harmful. And for MIM to categorize all female porn stars as victims of their profession is blatantly false.
Everyone has the ability to make choices. Categorizing all female porn actresses as victims strips those women who aren't victims of their free will. Women who choose to become porn actresses, those who are not forced into the industry, are not horrible (nor victimized) women. They are women who are making choices as to how they want to live their lives. It may not be the career path you or I would choose for ourselves but in no way would I ever shame their decision.
Cosmopolitan, Erica Jong, and every other writer, publication and/or websitewhich promote a healthy and informative view on sex (and/or pornography) are not the problem. They are the solution...the voices...the platform from which today's woman becomes informed, educated, and gains a sense of sexual acceptance.
Experiencing orgasms, giving blowjobs, and having sex is a right every woman deserves to embrace and enjoy. Taking advice from me or Cosmopolitan Magazine is not something to be shamed for. Experimenting and being curious about sex does not make a woman a bad person. Sleeping with more than one person does not make you a slut. Sleeping with more than one person makes you human. It allows you to discover your likes and dislikes. It allows you the freedom to discover your body, your senses, and your fantasies. Sex allows you to receive pleasure; in turn, reciprocating that same pleasure to your partner.
Sex isn't bad, shameful or morally wrong. Women who choose to have sex do not morph into submissive sex kittens. Women who choose to have sex do so because it feels amazing. Women who choose to have sex do so because it empowers them. Women who have sex do so because it allows them an escape from the daily grind of work, stress, kids and life. Women who choose to have sex do so because as a human being, it is their right to do what they please with their body.
Attacking the sexuality of any female is wrong and unjust.
We need to stop shaming women for exploring the sexual side of themselves. We need to stop vilifying women when they make a very personal and emotional decision regarding their body. We need to stop judging women when their actions, acts and/or behavior are different from our own personal beliefs.
Sex and engaging in sexual activity is what people-including women-do. It is not harmful or wrong. I am not a horrible mother because I give my significant other a blowjob or watch porn in the confines of our bedroom.
Cosmo and I are not hindering the role of women in society. We are giving (and will continue to give) women a platform where sex, having sex and ideas to bring sex back into your life will always be talked about, shared and accepted.
Morality in Media has a right to voice their opinions, just as Cosmopolitan Magazine and I have the right to voice ours.
However, shaming, suppressing and vilifying females for having or being curious about sex will not make sex magically disappear. Informing, educating and accepting women who embrace their sexual self is what will continue to empower today’s badass women.
Editor’s Note: I realize that this is a hot topic issue. All comments are welcome AS LONG AS they are respectful. Negative and hurtful comments towards any party will not be published.