Where To Turn: 5
I have been seeing this other man for a long time now. We would sneek away whenever we could. It would sometimes be something quick in the woods or at a rest stop and sometimes it would be in a motel room. The sex was always good even though I never reached the big "O" all the time. I'm not sure what had changed, In the years I've been seeing him he started getting nervous. Nervous we would get caught or nervous he was with me and working with my husband, I'm not really sure. About the last 5 years or so he can't control his big "O" moment. It was maybe about 5 minutes of doing it he was getting off. Of course after that I was angry because I never got mine cause he was already done.
He always told me cause it was so good that he couldn't wait. I'm not concieted or stupid. I just told myself "why he's crazy, I know I'm not that good." Last year is when he told me he loved me. I explained to him that it could never go any further then what it was because I was never leaving my husband again because I loved him and he would be so crushed if he knew who I was having this affair with. It kills my soul to know I do what I do and who I do it with. I want to tell him so bad what it going on. I guess I don't want it weighing on my shoulders anymore but I can't stop doing it because I love the sex so much, even though most the time I go to the top of the farris wheel and never come down (so to speak).
One day this week we both had a day off and we decided to get a room. It was so exciting and we were both so worked up. We met that morning and had sex twiced but I was so nervous that I couldn't concentrate on what was going on and to no avail it didn't happen for me. Later that day I texted him to let him know it was great and I never heard from him the rest of the day. I decided that the what had happened was he changed things for me by telling me he loved me. He let me know he had feelings and that just changed the whole game. If he had feelings why was he still treating it like it was a one night stand? If it wasn't an one night stand, why didn't he asnwer my text all the rest of that day. I get text from him in the mornings sometimes and they are always sexual but then when we meet and it's over, that's all I hear from him. I stay confused about what he wants from me. I don't want it to be anything more then sex and I want it to be good sex but nothing more but he threw his feelings in there and now I don't know how to feel about it. Why would he tell me he loved me but not talk to me about anything more then sex or just when he wants sex? I don't care if he really don't have feelings for me but don't tell me you do and then shun me away. Maybe he does but don't want to let me know how strong these feelings are.
Not sure that I'm going to be blogging anymore about this because even though I've told my dirty little secret, I don't feel any better. I will how ever talk to him about this. Let him know he needs to either let me know his true feelings or tell me he has no feelings about it so things can go back to good sex cause I have to have sex.