The Aftermath of Bullying

Hang in there. You will find new parent friends as Boo makes new friends in his school. It's funny how no one tells you how important the parents of your kids friends become in your life, isn't it?

You are an awesome parent and excellent member of group #4 and a far better example of God to others than the "religious" folks of your former church.

You are a great mom, and your son is lucky to have you for a mom. Whatever his sexual orientation and gender expression turn out to be.

Thank you for being so public with your parenting choices. I think you've opened a lot of eyes, and hopefully hearts as well.

Liza Barry-Kessler
Personal: LizaWasHere ( http://www.lizawashere.com/ )
Professional: Privacy Counsel LLC ( http://www.privacycounsel.net/ )

Your strength and conviction to do the right thing are most admirable. You are a terrific role model for your family, and hopefully a few people in your community will think about this and learn from you. We all need to stand up to the bullies in this world. I run a summer camp that focuses on the arts, and we encourage all children to accept each other and to celebrate being who they are. We get boys who love to do ballet or do artwork that might include fashion designing, and they often tell us that it's hard to fit in at home. We try to create a safe environment, but of course, kids still can be mean. We stand up for the victims, and we try to teach the other kids to do the same. It's not okay to be a silent bystander! By the way, my son who's now 25, dressed up as Catwoman one year! The next year he was a Ninja, then an X-man, and who knows what else. Yes, let's all stand up and encourage our children to unleash their creativity!

I'm glad things are going well. It must be hard to go against your peer group in such a way, but you are doing the right thing. Well done.

If By Yes ( http://ifbyyes.wordpress.com )

It is REALLY hard to be in that 4th category. Being one to stand up takes a lot of guts and is a lot of risk. I am proud to say, however, that I am in that group. I have lost a lot because of it, but I would rather stand alone than sit among the sheep who continue to spread pain.

Like you I left a church, but for different reasons. For me, I found that I was not allowed to share my own opinions. If I did not agree with exact canned answers that the members of the group expected to hear, then I was not of strong faith and needed to grow. I got tired of being told there was only one right answer. In a way it became a form of bullying because I was not allowed to be myself. My children were expected to dress and act a certain way, and if we didn't have the money to fit in we were looked down on.

Like I said, it is HARD to be a person who breaks the mold. But we need more people, like you, who are willing to stand up for their beliefs. I lost all my friends and had to start over again when I left that church. I know exactly what you are going through. Stay strong. And keep standing up for yourself and your family. AND keep blogging about it! People like me are glad to hear that we are not alone.

...that's my motto!

If you don't stand up for Boo, who will?

Kudos to you. In this society it's not easy to stand up for what we believe in. Good for you. Good for Boo.

KT

Katie Walters is the author of An Authentic Life ( http://www.anauthenticlife.com/ ), and a regular contributor to Montana Parent ( http://www.mtparent.com ).

You're setting such a good example for the small people in your life (and the big people, too.) It's never easy to be the one who stands up to a bully, but those who find the strength to do so make it easier for others to do the same--maybe not now, but at some other point. You're sowing the seeds of a revolution. Take pride in that.

Stand by your convictions, stay strong! I am so sorry for what you are going through. There is so much intolerance in this world and I can see where it would be much easier to just cave in. But you are doing the right thing, not only for your son, but for you too. Know that there are so many of us out there, who support you and applaud you for standing up for your son, and all parents of gay children. Please continue to share your story with us. :)

I work in academic outreach with a specific focus on K-12. Even as an administrator over a program that serves nearly 1,000 kids I can easily detect signs of bullying, exclusion and relational aggression...even in the passive form. I can spot it because I was a kid once and I knew plenty of bullies...they are easy to spot...every kid (an adult if they pay attention) on the playground knows who they are. Every time I hear another story about a parent who is faced with the choice of pulling a kid out of a school because other parents, teachers or school admins did little more than pay lip service to their pleas for help I get angry. This isn't the latest manufactured crisis. Bullying has gotten much more pervasive especially with the the various forms of electronic and social media that makes it easier than ever before to tease, torment and shame victims. My anger is not at the bullies per se...it is as the adults that act like enablers when they claim it is out of their hands, difficult to detect...or state that kids need to work these things out themselves. Bullying needs to be discussed in an open forum...the same way schools discuss drug abuse and violence...a message needs to be sent that there is "zero tolerance" and that students caught engaging in bullying activities (no matter how benign) will be held accountable.

Oh sweetie claiming to be a christian sometimes means nothing to many people. I saw your story about lil man and his choice to be Daphne and was appalled by the reaction of the parents. Then I was saddened because that is NOT what Jesus taught, not even close. I am glad you are moving forward and he is doing well. I think Ghandi said it best. " I like your Christ, it is your Christians I have a problem with. They are so unlike Christ" Truer words have never been spoken.

Your doing the right thing...hang in there. I live in a small community and my story almost sounds like yours. Only, my son is now in grade 9! It took us until this last year to finally have enough nerve to put him into another school. Yes, we have been ridiculed and mostly by christians. At the end of it all, my son is happy and I wish and I stress wish that we had done something sooner. The sad thing about these christians from the church and community is that when we left they found someone else to hold down and ridicule! These people have problems! The parents are passing this down to their children! The parents and children are bullies! And the nerve of them to preach sunday morning and elevate themselves and their families up on the pulpit! A sign of insecurity is all I cand say about them. Let God be the judge on these people! I'm sure God has laid it on your heart to remove your son. Also, why is it that it is o.k. for a girl to dress up like a boy and mothers turn their eyes when a boy wants to dress up like a girl. These mom's have BIG problems! You did the right thing, stand your ground!