In which you don't care

ot that you care, but every morning (well, Monday through Friday) I get up, take out the dog, make the coffee, drink my CHOCOLATE protein shake and quickly glance at the paper to see how stupid the world is and realize that once again, nobody has asked for my input.


Then I put the paper aside and check out my virtual reality, the blogging world.  First I go to my blog and send out my links and then I see if anybody is saying anything interesting on Twitter.  Believe me, at 7:30 there isn’t a lot of interesting stuff going down on Twitter.   It’s during this time that the caffeine begins trickling through my system and I start becoming self aware.  The first thing I become aware of is that I should be getting my ass off the couch to go work out.


Around 8:00, Daniel who I’ve been completely ignoring because I suck as a mom comes and kisses me goodbye and says he’s going to school.  He does that pretty much every day; I like that type of consistency.  At any rate, if I don’t have an 8:30 class then sometimes, I procrastinate and sit on my ass.  Today was such a day.  Actually, today IS such a day since when I got my ass off the couch; instead of going to work out I actually just walked into my office and started typing up this entry.


First, I would like to explain that I have talked about my blog, blogging, and the blogging world, where I am in the blogging world and sentences even longer than that in my weekly psychotherapy sessions.  During these sessions, I constantly seek to figure out why I’m bothering with the blog in the first place.


My shrink told me just last week that the “boredom” and “laziness” I have in regards to blogging is really just “fear” and “anxiety”.  In other words, I was pondering why even though I did want my blog to be read on a larger scale, I simply couldn’t bring myself to take the next step.


What is the next step?  World domination? No, It’s simply submitting my posts to publications like BlogHer; joining blog hops, becoming involved with communities.  You know, reaching out.  The thing is that even though I think that would be a good idea I’m actually quite lazy and don’t feel like hassling with it.  But no, my shrink told me that it wasn’t the boredom of doing those tasks, it was simply the “fear” that I might actually succeed.


So that’s an interesting thought; have I been avoiding spreading the word just because I have a fear of success?  I mean I know I do in other arenas, but in my blog?  And what is blogging success anyways? I’m not looking to make money.  I simply would like to have thousands of people read it every day.  But wouldn’t that make me a wreck too?  Because then there would be expectations placed upon me and I hate expectations.


There’s a reason that I promote the idea that I’m a piece of shit and can’t do anything right.  That reason is that if people have low expectations, they don’t really expect much out of you and therefore when you do something well they’re quite pleased.


This is the methodology that’s worked well for me over the years.  If you never cook then on the one-day of the week that you do, people are thrilled and happy.  Well, unless you suck and then they probably wish that day didn’t occur either.


So, I’m at a crossroads.  Do I just take the lazy approach and let one person hopefully tell another about the blog or do I actually start submitting it to places to that new people can see the blog and hopefully start following?  But if I do that, isn’t there some sort of obligation to actually keep blogging past the point where I get bored?


And while I’m at it, let me ask about these blog hops.  I’m constantly seeing them and while they seem like a great way to spread the word about your blog, then you have to check out other blogs.  Today, the two blogs that would have been above me were about being green and frugal (I’m neither) and about kids (which I’ve pretty much outgrown).  So conundrum…can I in good faith leave my link when I’m certainly not going to follow either of those two blogs?


Jesus, all this thinking is getting to me.  What I really think is that I should have some more coffee, take some Ritalin and go work out.  After all, it’s really all about me, isn’t it?


I’m just saying …


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