Who Decides How Many Kids to Have?

I was the youngest of 4 and we were all born within 6 years of each other. That was my reference and since we were all friends it seemed like a great size, but no can do on the 6 year span...I did 8 years. I was fortunate that my husband was the middle child of 5, so he is really easy going and thought 4 was also a great number. To us, we wanted more than man to man defense (2 kids) and three was not an even number. The FUNNIEST expectation I had was that 2 would be girls and 2 boys, just like when I grew up....well, after 2 it was 1 boy 1 girl....then #3 brought an other boy....the real suprize was what would #4 bring.....although my daughter wanted a lilttle sister sooooo badly, she was blessed with another healthy brother who is almost identical to her personality...which makes it exciting around the house:)

We struggled with infertility for almost 10 years before I became pregnant with triplets from our third round of IVF. The doctors had told us we'd never get pregnant on our own. I recall one doctor telling us that my husband had a better chance of hitting the moon with a slingshot. But within days of our triplets turning two ... I found out I was on the nest.

Now that our triplets are four and our little "surprise" is coming up on his second birthday, I really COULD see trying for another baby. And I'm not sure why? Our lives are so full. Crazy full. We have more love and laughter and insanity in this house than I ever imagined possible. We have four healthy children and honestly?? Pregnancy isn't easy for me. I know of people who have lost their babies - or their own lives - during pregnancy. I know of people who have delivered children with GRAVE birth defects. Still, it's like there is one more baby in my heart - just waiting to be born to me. 

Perhaps my desire to have another child is because I went through hell
and back trying to start our family?? Perhaps I know that my window of
opportunity is closing?? Perhaps it's because I just enjoy our children
THAT much?? Whatever the case, whenever I bring up wanting a fifth, my husband will ask, "Fifth of WHAT? Bourbon I hope!!" 

So, I'm working on him.

"OK Honey. Maybe the bourbon will come first..."

 Jen @ The Amazing Trips

www.TheAmazingTrips.com ( http://www.TheAmazingTrips.com )

We both originally wanted three. We had two close together, got tired, and realized two is good. We're happy with the sex, we don't want to 'try for a boy'. We are older, too, both almost forty. While the number may be differentif we were younger, I think we are both really happy with where we are now and what we have.

I do know people who have fought over this - it is sad. I know people go into marriage thinking they want X number but then the reality strikes and they change their mind, even if the other person has not.  I had one firend, older, they had two boys . She had wanted to have a third, her husband didn't. They didn't. She regretted it. I felt bad for her.

Kathy

Allbusiness:Working Mothers ( http://www.allbusiness.com/specialty-businesses/wo... )

Mama Marathoner ( http://www.mamamarathoner.com )

I don't really know the answer to this one yet. We have two, and the youngest is still a baby. Certainly we don't want another right now. But I think I would like another one down the line. My husband, on the other hand, is sure he doesn't.

For right now I got an IUD, so we have 5 years to make up our minds either way. I think we'll wait and see where we are in a year or two. I think in the end I do believe we need two yeses to go forward. I don't want to 'force' my husband to undertake something as serious as raising a child. Although I am holding out hope he can be convinced.

I guess I'll know the answer for sure in a few years' time.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

We're lucky - we're both very happy with two and feel that our family is complete. 

I still worry sometimes that I will regret not having more children later on, when it's too late. 

----

A Mommy Blogger ( http://momgrind.com/ ) and a Blogger For Hire ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ )

My husband's. And he won't budge. So much so he got a vasectomy. Despite my not wanting him too. He says he'll never change his mind, so it doesn't matter.

It matters. But in a way he is right, if he has no and it takes two of us..I can't MAKE him....

or can I? lol

not really.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain ( http://queenofspainblog.com/ )

And considering my situation, I wouldn't want it any other way.  Of course, I want his input on whether or not he'd like more children and that WILL have an effect on my final decision, but again, I'm the one who has to go through an ordeal for it.

During my first pregnancy I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  I was so very sick with my son and was bedridden and suffered from dehydration quite a bit from the constant vomitting.  I was exceedingly weak, and I had a very hard time staying healthy enough to support a pregnancy.  After 16 hours of labor, two hours of pushing, and then an emergency C-section I think it's safe to say I'm still a little traumatized.  I love being a mother and I love my son.  He was worth the pain and although I don't want to close the door on the possibility of more children, I also don't want anybody telling me what I should do.  In this situation, I am so lucky that my husband doesn't like to make big decisions. 

I feel for you, see_saw_sam, because I had endometriosis something awful when I was 18. It was actually my surgery for that which informed my parents that I really did have anorexia. The doctor got a gander at my frame and tipped them off. But he also fixed two years of constant, burning pain.

Endometriosis sucks. I got laporoscopy and cauterization (I've probably crucified the spelling), and it never came back. I will tell you that pregnancy did seem to cure my ills. The cramping is far less, the endometriosis hasn't come back, and for some reason, pregnancy reset my metabolism which helped with the backlash from my young-adult anorexia. That said, raising a child is a BIG FAT DEAL, as you know, so think hard before you do it just to cure a physical problem. Get a second opinion and consider all your options. Don't get pregnant for someone else. Don't get pregnant to solve a health problem that can be solved in other ways. Get pregnant because you want a child, and for that reason only. We are here for you.

E-mail me off-list if you like at ritabiermann at hotmail dot com.  

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy ( http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com ) and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak ( http://tinyurl.com/9pg62e ).

I feel like I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. I'm not quite 33, my husband is 34. A few months ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis. They did laprascopy to remove most of it, but it is likely it is in my uterus as well. So the doctors gave me three options. 1) Ignore it and have more surgeries in the future. 2) Take injections that will put me through menopause for 6-8 months. 3) Get pregnant and see if that makes it go away. Oh, and b/c it is likely to be in my uterus, getting pregnant will be difficult (assuming it is possible at all) but waiting a year or three will only make it more difficult. My husband and I agree that options 1 and 2 sound like pure hell. Option 3 seems like the only natural method of combating this, but I'm not sure I want to have a child. That being said, my husband convinced me to at least try and get pregant before trying any of the other options. I am going along with this because, if it is my only chance, I don't want to deny him something he really wants and regret it for years to come later in my life. I feel like I have to at least try, for him and for my health, but it isn't by my choice. I haven't yet woken up to the idea of being happy about getting pregnant. I hope it happens (the happiness and joy should I end up that way), but I would have liked to have been able to make a choice with my husband because we decided we wanted kids, not because my body is so screwed up that I feel I have to or else.... Sometimes you just feel like you're bouncing between a rock and a hard place, and these days I feel I'm camping out there with no way out.

It's an enormous decision and certainly isn't one that can be made by one spouse alone.

We have one child. She's 2 years old. My pregnancy was of the type that Mom's scare their teenage daughters with. It was horrifying. When I first held my beautiful little girl in my arms, I thought for sure I'd have another, despite how scary my pregnancy was.

Now though, 2 years later, and without the adrenaline and endorphins from labour and delivery filling me with delusional ideas, I know I'm not having any more children.

However, I didn't make that decision lightly, nor did I make it on my own. My husband was just as leery of additions to our family, and after many discussions, we came to the conclusion that we'd only have one as a family.

Two and a half years after our second was born, my husband finally decided he wanted a third (as I did). Nine months later I was pregnant, but then we lost that baby at 17 weeks. Now I can't decide if I can take on the risk again (and the fact that I'd be that much older, the kids would be spaced farther apart, etc.). My husband is no help: "Whatever you want to do."

I wish I knew.

Mayberry

http://mayberrymom.blogspot.com ( http://mayberrymom.blogspot.com/ )
http://www.thefullmommy.com ( http://www.thefullmommy.com/ )
http://familyfitness.about.com ( http://familyfitness.about.com/ )

I do not KNOW how many i want. I have four but another would be ok.