If someone asked the question “who was the most influential person in your life?”, would you have an answer. Or “who do you most admire?”, is there someone that makes your admiration list? But, what about “who is your mentor?”, would you have an answer? So what’s the difference and why should we cultivate mentor relationships?

For most of us it is fairly easy to list a few people who have influenced our lives. It could be a parent, teacher even a president or world leader. Their example has shaped our thinking about how we live our lives. We could all come up with a fairly long list of people we admire for various reasons from intellect to appearance. But thinking about the people in our lives who have mentored us, that is a list that may be slightly harder to compile.

In some cases, a mentor is someone who enriches our lives professionally, teaching skills from the benefit of years of experiences. In other cases can be someone who takes us through a critical right of passage time or just helps us through a transition or loss in our lives. Most people who value the mentoring relationship will have many mentors during their lives, and at varying times in our lives.

My most memorable mentor was my mother-in-law. She was a great Godly woman who taught me all kinds of things from cooking, to parenting to being an independent thinker and truly Godly women. She was always cheerful and ready to share her infinite wisdom on most subjects. She never pushed her ideas but waited to be asked and we developed a true friendship. Other mentors have been teachers or professors who have helped me reach academic goals. I have also had bosses that have mentored me in specific subjects in relation to work. All have brought value and depth to my life.

So what makes a good mentoring relationship? The mentor/protege relationship should not be forced, but rather form naturally. The mentor should have competence, character and patience. The protege should be enthusiastic and willing to learn. Common interests and humor should also be present in the relationship to make it natural and easily deepened.

Through life the mentoring relationship can be seen in four stages; apprentice, individual contributor, mentor, and finally organization influencer. In the first stage we are an apprentice, learning from a mentor, then we take what is learned and apply it to a field of expertise. We are then able to mentor others and increase their knowledge and deepen their understanding of a subject or profession. Finally, our knowledge can actually serve to increase the depth of wisdom of our entire profession. This is truly using the mentor/protege relationship to the fullest advantage.

Why do I share this information today? Well I believe that none of us was created to live in a vacuum. Each of us has been wonderfully designed to, not only interact with, but to actually enrich the lives of others. Our unique place in the universe is given to us to know, explore, influence and enlighten those around us. Life would indeed be a lonely, desolate place if we had no purpose in it but to eat, sleep and work. Helping and being helped gives us the unequaled pleasure of taking part in someone else’s life. Being involved in the lives of others adds dimension to our humanness. But for the addition of the collective knowledge, wisdom, humor, love, encouragement and respect of my mentors, I would be closed-minded, petty, foolish, angry and sad. Who we are is the sum of those we allow to influence us. Happily, we can choose who our mentors will be…choose wisely.