Why Are You Sabotaging Your Own Divorce?
By LNapolitanoPsyD on April 03, 2014
So you hate your ex, you’re angry that you wasted so much time with him/her, and you filed for divorce. ‘Best decision I ever made!’ you shout to your friends while clinking champagne glasses.
Since you’re 100% of your decision to get divorced, you’d think that the divorce would be swift.
But now it’s 12 months after you filed and you’re still nowhere near signing the divorce agreement. Why?
- You’re fighting over the location of the kids’ swim lessons (you want the kids swimming at the YMCA in Havertown, your ex wants to take them to Friends Central).
- You’re demanding that Christmas day ‘starts’ at 9am and your ex is asking for a 10am transition time for the kids.
- You’re insisting on getting the two bulletin boards that you bought from Pottery Barn and your ex is refusing to give them to you.
Essentially, you’re making it impossible for the divorce to be finalized….which is the oppositeof your stated intent to ‘get the hell away from this person.’
Here’s how to stop the pettiness and move forward:
- Realize that you’re only flattering this person by giving him/her so much energy and time.
- Focus on building the life that you want: start dating, go out with your friends, invest more time into your career, do fun things with your kids.
- Divorce is never expected, but it can be the catalyst for positive changes in your life. Don’t get stuck in the hatred. Move on with your life!
Lauren Napolitano, Psy.D.