Why Are You Still Single?
By tamikalanelle on November 20, 2012
This question aggravates me to no end. I hate when men ask me this question. It’s not like I haven’t asked myself this question a couple times, but to hear it fall out of someone else’s face gets on my nerves. I think it is rude and inappropriate. There are many factors as to why I am single and I don’t owe any explanations to anyone with regards to why. What further kills me is when he then blames me for being single by following the question up with “What’s wrong with you?” Why is it that there has to be something wrong with me? How about there was something wrong with every man I dated and I decided not to be with them. Maybe I just got out of a relationship and using this time to get back to me and closer to God. What if I just choose to be single and not be with anyone at this particular juncture in my life. I’ve never been the type of woman who has to have a man at all times. I’m perfectly fine to be single and this just may be my “Single Season.” I don’t plan on being in this season for long, but I’ve learned anything worth having is worth waiting for. So he better be worth the wait.
Now I will look at it from another angle and say this. Asking why I’m still single could be a compliment because it’s hard to believe I’m still available - Understood. However, the follow up question indicates it’s not a compliment. Yes, there are a lot of women who have something “wrong” with them and that could be contributing factor as to why she is still single. She may have been hurt too many times and is now insecure and jealous in relationships. This just means she has a lot of baggage she is holding on to which is affecting her relationships and just needs a man to be more patient with her as she gains his trust. Men like to label women as “crazy,” but look at what you did to make her crazy. If it wasn’t you directly may have been some other man. I’m not placing all the blame on men because truth be told a lot of women are crazy because their mommas, aunties, cousins and grandmothers were crazy themselves. Some women believe they have to yell, cuss, argue, fight, and raise all types of hell to be in a relationship. It’s all they know and all they are looking for.
Nevertheless, speaking for myself I am a well educated, beautiful, intelligent, independent woman who just so happens to be single at this time. There is nothing wrong with me or that. I can honestly say that I have met some very good men in my life and we had a good time while we dated. For one reason or another he wasn’t the man for me or vice versa and we moved on. Nothing wrong with that either. When it comes to dating I am very selective in whom I choose to spend my time with. I have a young daughter who is very impressionable and mimics everything I do. So there will not be men in and out my door sleeping with me and meeting her. I will not have it. I meet men all the time, but if I’m not feeling him I will tell him so and move on. I don’t believe in wasting anyone’s time; especially my own. At this point in my life I’m not dating for entertainment purposes or just to get out of the house. I need a man in my life who knows God, will be the head of my household, love/cherish/honor me, be a father to my daughter and be the MAN. A lot of men aren’t ready to do that or don’t know how to be that.
Side Note: As the woman he has chosen to be with; he can rest assured I’ll play my role. He’ll be all good and well taken care of.
I can only answer this question for myself as to why I am still single. I can’t speak for other women. I think everyone needs to spend some time alone so they can better get to know themselves, their needs, and what they desire in a partner. Jumping from one relationship to the next without any time for assessment or evaluation just leads to making the same mistakes you made with the last man with the next man. Try to look at every dating encounter or relationship experience as a learning lesson. No matter how the relationship ended one should be able to take what they have learned away from it and grow. There is always some type of relationship baggage carried with us. How we use that baggage demonstrates our growth. Give the new man a chance at the relationship. Don’t put what the previous man did to you on him. If you find yourself going through his email and checking his voicemail after only 2 weeks of dating then you need to stay single for a while. Get your life together before you start messing up his. There are a lot of hurt and bitter men out there too. They are walking around with more baggage then a lot of women and think that bed hopping will cover their wounds. If anything it will lead to more problems and your insecurities will continue to grow and manifest into something bigger than you want to handle. Get to the core of the problem and work it out.
Relationships are serious and need to be handled responsibly, especially when there are children involved. I’m not bitter or angry about being single. I’m not crying myself to sleep every night asking God why he hasn’t sent my husband yet. I know it’s a process and I pray that God continues to prepare me to be his wife as he is preparing that man to be my husband. So the question can be laid to rest and I never have to be asked again, here is my answer: There is nothing wrong with me. I’m the woman of your dreams. I’m just waiting on God to send me the man of mine.
Feel free to use that one. It’s on the house. The next one I will have to charge you for.
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