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Sparkle (2)
Going to a conference that was primarily women and with over 3,000 in attendance proved to be overwhelming and daunting for me. And life changing. And all because of my last minute decision to attend the "Owning Your Beauty..." panel session.
There was a time in my life when I could have taken it all in stride. There was a time in my life when I worked in marketing and public relations and it was I who organized huge events and had lunch with celebrities. There was a time in my life when it was I who was the go-to person for the media to contact and deal with. There was a time in my life when approaching a stranger and introducing myself was no problem at all. Those times have long past.
What changed? Years of battling a mysterious illness and then a stroke and then years spent getting back to a semblance of being an almost "regular" person. Then came the passage of Life's chapters from the 20's now to my 60th year. Battling health issues for so long caused isolation and robbed me of self-confidence. Both illness and Life's Chapter 5 (menopause at age 50) changed my figure from that of size 8 to a size 16. And it takes courage to say this. It's only been six years that I can claim to have (finally) found my calling in life [as an artist and writer] and can (mostly) move freely through life.
I've never attended a blogging conference previous to Blogher11, never felt the need. I had been writing a blog devoted to the topic of small business and had some small success in that I was also a contributing writer on several other influencial news sites and business blogs. I also began writing a blog devoted to Art. But I changed my writing focus two years ago this month to write only the artist blog - it was too time consuming to write two separate blogs and work [as an artist I do have to "art!"]. I had read last year's posts and articles about the conference and decided to attend this year with a two-fold purpose:
1. Learn more about the world of blogging and meet others who blog
2. Be a voice for the Artist and those who blog about Art
The breakfast on the first morning nearly did me in. It had literally been years since I've been in a situation where I wanted to meet and be met in a professional setting. I used to be able to do this comfortably. Not this time. I was overcome with shyness and deeply afraid that no one would be interested in what I had to say. I'm deeply passionate about Art and artists and the hardships that the small artist [those whose work sells in the $500-$3,000 range] has faced during these years of national/international economic crisis. It was my hope that I'd find other bloggers who also wrote about Fine Art. But there were just too many people there and too much emphasis on "mommy bloggers." I had hoped the first day's impromptu birds of a feather lunch gatherings would draw like-minded writers together but that just didn't pan out. I signed up for the Creativity one but was the only person at that table until joined by a film crew needing a place to fuel up.
I did learn a great deal through the sessions I attended and the keynote addresses. I did meet other amazing writers and collected quite a few business cards. Then it came to the last session on the second day and I decided to attend the "Owning Your Beauty" session.
Here's why: I had found time on the first day to work my way through most of the vendor exhibits [wow! great giveaways!]. Then something happened that was not a new occurance: I was in the P&G "house" speaking to a young person about one of the products...literally in mid-sentence when a young woman came up beside me and the product representative turned away from me and addressed the young woman. It was as though Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility had been thrown over my head. I ceased to exist. I later talked with another woman who is over age 50 and she knew exactly what I meant as this phenomenon has also happened to her. Yes, my hair is gray; yes, I wear comfortable footwear; and yes, I look like a grandmother I suppose. However this should not cause me to become invisible.
So. I
