Why do I make my life so hard?
By Elaine's Daily Om on September 08, 2011
Something that I finally realised, I knew this before but I going to admit it now. For all that I feel that I am moving forward, I am still so stuck. Does that make sense? Yes I have worked hard by reading, studying, learning all the ways to break free, to be the best I can be, to face life fearlessly, without judgement or negativity. Still I am stuck, I know that I want to write a book, to move forward with my cooking blog and cookbook, but I seem powerless to really just do it. I have make some progress but that dreaded fear gets in my way. I am putting obstacles, getting distracted by nothing important and letting my ego trick me away from my goals. What I can't understand is why. If I can articulate my feelings and know that I want to reach my goals, why do I keep getting stuck, stopped in my tracks.
I try not to compare my actions with others that I see as being successful and reaching their goals, having all that they want. I know this is bad negative energy and my ego wants to create drama and doubt for me, it's just so hard. I feel that I've come far but I just can't go the rest of the distance to make my dreams happen. And I don't know the reasons that I am suffering from inertia toward moving on, grabbing what I want, obtaining my goal, and striving for new goals. Instead I'm like the rat that is running after it's tail and never catching it, that's me.
Is it in my DNA, certain traits that are embedded from other generations? Is that why it is so hard to change when I know I will not reach my goals unless I change. Can I really go against my nature, DNA, break through, change my patterns in life? This I truly believed? Yes !
How do I do it, by being grateful, giving thanks for all that I have, no matter how small. Also to live fearlessly, by that I mean to not let fear control my life, that little ego voice that stops me by whispering negative thoughts in my ear. And so important to live in the present moment, don't look back or look forward, that just my ego trying to control my actions by distracting me from the present. Most important, stop judging everything. That includes myself, everyone and everything around me. Do not attach positive or negative to anything that shows up in my life, it just is, accept it! Don't waist one single second of the present moment on letting time used up for negatively or judgement. Remember as I repeat over and over no more ego or drama, just freedom to be all that I dream! Just free to receive!
There this much I know I am going to do, just not think, just be, just do with out ego, negativity, judgement.