(RANT) Why I Always Take My Husband With Me When Shopping

That is fantastic. I love it.

Contributing Editor Karen Ballum also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

My husband and I went to Best Buy to look at getting a new washer and a new desktop computer.

When we got there, my husband went off to look at the washers and I went off to look at the computers; my husband is the one who does the laundry and I am the computer expert.

I waited in the computer area for about fifteen minutes when my husband showed up and started telling me that no one was around to wait on him, when another sales-man walked up and ask him if he needed any help.

My husband said, "no, I don't know the first thing about computers, my wife is the expert and she knows what she's looking for". I started asking the sales guy my questions and he directed all of his answers to my husband. Several times my husband said, "dude I have no idea what you're talking about, she knows exactly what she wants, talk to her about it".

I went on with my questions and he turned to my husband and asked him what his internet habits were to help decide which system would be best. I stepped in front of my husband, squared off to the sales guy and said, "Well I surf a lot of internet porn and I need to be able to download movies efficiently. Some of the bondage and girl-on-girl videos are kinda large and tend to slow down my whole system during downloads. What features would you recommend to efficiently play back my extensive collection of vintage gay sex films"?

My husband walked away because he had started laughing, several shoppers were looking at me and giggling and the sales guy just stared, stammering with a bunch of "ums" and "oks". I finally said "you're an idiot, stop assuming that only guys know about computers" and we left the store.

I called and spoke to the manager a few days later and I told him we spent $3200 at a competitor store buying a washer, dryer and stand-alone freezer and $1200 on an Apple computer, from the Apple store. That's money we could have spent at his store if his sales people would just listen and stop assuming.

Pro-Family / Pro-Child / Pro-Choice

When my parents were first married (she from Louisiana, he from Berlin) and they lived in Germany, she would sweet talk East German border guards and make through Check Point Charlie in record time. She's got skills lol.

Liberal oilfield wife. I write, I hula hoop, I craft, and I listen to music you might hate. www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com ( http://www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com%20 )

I'm glad you bit :-) I really do want advice on how else I could have solved this in a way that keeps in mind the fact that the kids were in tow, I have to stick to a budget, and I have limited time (needed to be solved that night or I missed a day of work and this was one week that I couldn't miss work -- think of it like being out of work on April 15th if you're an accountant).

And I do think it's a perk of marriage. But it's also something I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been in numerous times with Josh. I wasn't aware this was how it would go down until it was happening because I've always gotten excellent service there. Because I've always been with Josh (and usually without kids). When I noticed it in one hardware store, I stopped patroning that hardware store and now go to a different one where the employees don't talk down to me. But, I think there are also luxuries of cities and large suburbs that small towns simply don't have. I once lived out in farmland that was 20 minutes from the closest grocery store. I didn't have the luxury of taking my business elsewhere unless I was committed to driving two hours to the nearest city.

It's also a luxury to be able to have someone step in and say, "stop messing with this person." It sucks to need someone to do that (and to know that they are probably going to get a different answer than you got -- and I was right with my assumption), but I also thought about all the people in my life who don't have that. Who would have messed up their work schedule the next day because they would have gone home without the phone because they either (1) couldn't get someone to hear them or (2) couldn't afford Plan B.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

I'm still not letting most of you dames off the hook because I've read everything from "it's a man's world to "I was born passive and there is nothing I can do about it."

That is not acceptable. Nope. I respectfully disagree but I am all about the life choices.

I also want to say that handling small children, business and non-thinking customer service and sales people is a bit too much at one time. It can be done, it has been done but we'll leave that for the advanced class.

Here is the thing. There was an established pattern of two-faced behavior on the part of the store. If the pattern has been established and you don't like it then why continue to do business with that company?

I do not give my money to companies that offend me or do not honor my patronage.

Options:

You could go home, get centered and:

If the store could not give you satisfaction could you speak with a representative over the land line phone?

Call another store that is a carrier of your phone and cell plan?

A call to the district manager's office?

That might work. But let's say that they they all would not budge from the script.

Fine. Who else in the area handles Blackberry phones? I'm real sure that competitors have no problem servicing unhappy customers from the competition.

So if Dusty Dan won't move then will Best Buy take your business? The Verizon store down the street?

You phone number is portable. You can take it anywhere.

Now yes. This takes more time than calling the loved one. You might be out of the loop for 1/2 day or more. Or less.

My point is that if this is your business and your life then you (the global you) can enter the thought process of constructing a solution that extends beyond tapping 10 digits to testosterone.

I really don't want to imply that I'm disrespecting where MWK folks are coming from. I do understand. I also know that at some point in the not too distant future folks are gonna hit a rough bump and there will be no one to call.

But you ladies have me considering things like marriage perks I hadn't thought about.

Hmmm.

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )

I think the point that people are missing is that I've been in this store dozens of times with my husband and I'm treated very differently when he is there vs. when he is not. This isn't about being able to stick up for myself or not -- I don't have this issue everywhere I go, but when I run into it (at car dealerships, Home Depot, the cell phone store) it's definitely a case of man vs. woman. I don't have this problem in department stores or the food store. I can return spoiled milk and demand a new container. And my husband can too. But there are certain places where only one of us seems to have any traction in getting things done.

I think the other point people are missing is that while I could have walked away in the sense that a phone is not a need, it would have been a very expensive moment of "walking away." Expensive in the sense that if I didn't have a phone that night, I was missing a day of work the next day. Expensive in the fact that going with a different company meant that my contract was going to be at a higher rate. I could have taken my business elsewhere, but it would have had a huge cost. And I was also tied timewise. I had a small window from after school until bedtime to get this done. I couldn't stay until I got the response I needed because I had two other people whose schedule was yanking me in the other direction. As I said in the first paragraph, I had already predicted that this would be a problem because the twins would be in tow. Whenever possible, I prefer to tackle things that might be difficult (buying a car vs. buying peanut butter) without them so I can be on my timetable. I schedule those types of situations around work time, leaving myself the time necessary to deal with the unexpected.

And the last point is that I had those two small kids in tow. And I think that does make a big difference. It's not a matter of people without children having more time, but there is a difference between the way I can deal with things when they're with me vs. not with me. Think about it this way -- would you rather negotiate a transaction alone or with a grandmother with dementia in tow? Because I've shopped with a grandmother with dementia and I've shopped with young kids and it has felt very similar. My attention is split between helping myself and keeping track of the other person. Things can go well or things can go to hell in a second. They can't always convey their needs until their needs have huge sirens attached to them.

I think what would be more helpful is not to point out that people should stick up for themselves in these situations, but HOW (because obviously, yes, we should take care of ourselves whenever possible). How do you keep in mind that you have to take care of two other people, stick to a budget, and solve a problem when you're in a space where you are being treated in a certain way due to the fact that you are a woman? What if you were already speaking to the manager? What if there was no one in the store above the person you were speaking to already? What would you have done in that situation without the option of returning without the twins or at a later date/time?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

The piece in general is about a man coming to the rescue consistently. I think I interpreted it correctly. The comments took it in another direction, which is typical of course.

I'm really not suggesting going it alone all the time. I am hardly Zena the Suburban Warrior Princess. Sometimes people are even seen in public with me. :) Teamwork can be a great thing and sometimes we all need reasonable support. What I was saying was that we must be prepared at all times to represent ourselves, even if it is out of our comfort zone, because we should know how to do that. It's a survival skill.

And to this, "Plenty of women with spouses were once perfectly capable, single women as well. Many are still capable, even today," I want it to be that ALL are still capable. There is just no reason not to be. (Plus the same can be said for men. I've met some coddled, dependent husbands too.)

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
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I am not talking about an ideal state of being here. There will come a time when you will have to fend for yourself.

It will come without warning or access to a phone. You will have to deal with the idiot of the day.

The more practice and skills you bring to the situation will help you. It can be frighting but it is doable.

I am asking folks to not be so dependent on men for help. I am not saying don't avail yourself of the help. I'm am saying be your own help as much as possible. I am not anti-phallus.

I am pro-women empowerment. I can't speak of it if I don't walk the walk. I will not allow a man to stop my progress. I will deal with him at the point of interaction.

This isn't about litigation. This is about self-protection.

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )

I don't know that anyone advocated that husbands are knights in shining armor that make customer service problems disappear for meek wives. Some people are naturally more persuasive than others and the addition of children (well behaved or not) hasn't got much to do with that.

Not everyone can be a litigator and not everyone should be.

Examples: my sister is confrontational in situations that require it, I usually can't muster the enthusiasm for a conflict, even if I silently steam later. I have friends who seem to flash a smile and doors open to them others who just don't and not related to a beauty quotient just plain being nice when it counts.

Sometimes, the customer service rep might be a misogynistic twit who thought he could disregard a woman for whatever reason.

Plenty of women with spouses were once perfectly capable, single women as well. Many are still capable, even today.

I feel people should be self reliant but it is beyond my reasoning to say that we all go it alone in this world because one day there won't be someone a phallus to save us.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

I didn't have a ton of time before I had kids, either. I was an executive administrator in a publishing firm that demanded 70 or 80 hours a week of my time. I didn't have time to wait around to argue my position with a dismissive or condescending vendor. I MADE the time to do that, which I believe is the meat of your argument.

The issue is not that having kids sucked all of my time away, so I can't stand up for myself anymore. I am not assuming that you have more time than I do, because I really know nothing about your life. My point is that I allowed having kids to change me into someone who is not willing to take the time to have the fight, as often.

And no, when my kids have caught their limit, they can't hold it together for ten minutes. My four year old will make the effort, and she's successful most of the time. My two year old simply will not.

However, I really don't like the assumption that people without children have or will allot "time" that disappears when people have children. I have a lot of stress from a demanding job (that is required, as I am my sole support) and the other typical requirements of floating a life and meeting obligations to my parents, my extended family and my friends.

I do sympathize with people who must juggle the needs of small children in public spaces with the usual requirements and chores and what have you, as I spend time with kids myself and have been in situations where they freak out and it's uncomfortable and stressful for moms and dads and bystanders and whomever else. But I'd like to underscore that those of us who do not have a child crying or clinging to us in similar situations do not have hours to wait around asking to speak to the manager either. This is a point-counterpoint that is often presented to me in the "I have kids/you don't" discussion and I'm not sure why. You didn't have unlimited time before. You really didn't. It was still precious, the same 24 hours, and you still deserved to be heard. YOu can have an unfortunate interaction with a store clerk within ten minutes. Most kids can hold themselves together for that long or...well, I don't know what to tell you.

It's still a personal choice. And I'd be mindful of presenting it as a time issue, wherein people without kids have a ton and those with them have none. My calendar and list of life management chores suggest otherwise.

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

Being married and having children is not an excuse, and it absolutely can be a crutch. Yes, I should stand my ground and fight - as I did before I had my kids. Yes, I should refuse to let anyone defer to my husband for something that matters to me. I would never have even imagined permitting that before I had kids. The difference between then and now is time. I'm not willing to take the time to stand and fight. I'm not willing to deal with kids' meltdowns when we pass their maximum time limit for being in a store.

In Canada, my doctor is prohibited by law from talking to my husband about me. At all. The same is true for my dentist, banker, lawyer, pharmacist, optometrist, and any of their staff. And I have never had any issues dealing with those vendors. So, you're absolutely right in that if I didn't permit tradesmen to talk through me, they probably wouldn't.

Part of having an equal playing field is to get in the game when it gets rough.

Marital status is no excuse. It will happen that one day folks will not have access to the husband, brother, good friend, co-worker or dear old dad.

It will be in your face and you will have to deal with it.

Ladies, practice now.

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )

This concept really scares me, honestly. I've never had a husband to call, and I have always handled my own customer service business with generally good results. My father never would have been any help either and I certainly wouldn't have asked him, knowing his personality. If I get that kind of treatment, I ask to speak to someone else, or I become more assertive because they force me into that position.
I've had to generate a lot of my attitude in photography circles, an oddly male landscape. It's not comfortable for me but I'm all I've got and I'm not going to let some jerk who says "Do that" be the boss of me. Maybe my singleness makes me more persistent by necessity, I don't know. (And I don't buy it's because you have kids. As a single, childless woman I'm the low lady on the totem pole - very easily ignored.)

Until women stop relying on men to step in, we will always have to rely on men to step in. Sorry. I just believe this with all of my heart and soul.

Laurie
LaurieWrites ( http://lauriewrites.typepad.com )
Photos on Flickr ( http://www.flickr.com/photos/rubyshoes )

I run into that too, especially when dealing with car related stuff. It drives me bonkers, but usually I just let the hub handle it, because "that's the way the world works."

I don't know what I'll do when my daughter's old enough to know what's going on. Stupid penises running the world.

I agree with you, mostly because I have worked (extensively) in retail & so I know what it's like to have to deal with pushy people. If a woman is more pushy than a man, well, I'm more likely to just give the woman what she wants, because I don't want to have to deal with her anymore.
Same goes with a man thats more pushy than his wife.
I'm the one that can voice my opinion while my boyfriend usually likes to keep out of it, & I definately get more results than he does - unless I'm dealing with cars & apparently painting.

I've been thinking about this. I am sure some of it is that you are a woman. But I would bet that some of it is because you are you. And I know this because I am you too. My husband can get results by being forceful and I cannot because I am too nice. (And I expect everyone else to be nice in return and they aren't always.) But if there is something that my husband can't get done, my mother-in-law can. She once got a cell phone company to refund the entire bill when my brother-in-law went over his cell phone minutes by $500. Like he made the phone calls, he owed the money, she called, and he didn't have to pay. I am sure that there is certainly gender bias involved, but I would expect that there is some personality involved too.

As Karen alluded to, my husband is the kind of guy that finesses his way through these situations whereas I often find myself to have a sign around my neck that says "Disregard me, I'm a girl."

In my case, my husband is really just more sociable than I am, people seem to LIKE doing things for him. People smile at him and just sort of cave.

I don't find it charming, I find it infuriating and I resent him for his magic specialness, but I have learned that in health-care situations I need to be on a level to communicate with my provider. I know if I call in the husband charm I am compromising my own care. I stick to female doctors who for some reason are totally immune to his charm. I've also learned that midwives (as are almost exclusively used in Israel)dislike him very much. Private victory.

www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com ( http://www.SaraInAkko.blogspot.com )

Life in the Middle East, with craft and spice

I understand what you experienced. It happens to me when I was shop in computer man-cave kind of stores.

I either take up the fight or find a business that wants to receive my money on my terms. I shop on-line for my tech needs.

I can't afford to be passive about poor service + stupid people. I'm not going to pay for the privilege of being disrespected.

I'm sorry but there are other options than calling in the husband, brother or good friend with penis.

Gena

Gena Haskett is a BlogHer Contributing Editor. My Blogs: Out On The Stoop ( http://outonthestoop.blogspot.com ) and Create Video Notebook ( http://createvideonotebook.blogspot.com )

It is ridiculous that in this day an age there this is going on. Every time I have to take my vehicle for a special maintenance due to a recall or a break down my husband needs to get involved. Why? The company wants to save money than to think of the safety of their customers. The other day my vehicle was brought in for a safety recall on the gas gauge. It was not working at all. The day before, because of the broken gas gauge, I filled the tank. When it was brought in for maintenance, they wanted me to drive my vehicle around with my one yr old to bring down the gas before the maintenance was worked. They wanted me to go off the odometer. Mind you it is the middle of winter, cold, and with a baby. My husband had to call to tell them to drain the tank, instead of risking the safety of my family. With this, they indeed drained the tank and gave me a loaner vehicle until the next day after waiting in the lobby for 4 hours. It's insulting to think how much different they act when my husband places a stern call. And this is not the first time he has had to get involved.

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And it's infuriating, every time. Before I had kids, I was willing to spend the extra money to change vendors, or hold my ground and demand to speak to an executive, or submit immediate complaints to governing bodies and the follow up to ensure a fair resolution. I have more wisdom and strength now, than I did then. But time, money, and patience are so much more precious. So they win. With contractors, mechanics, landscapers, and electronics retailers, my husband has to step in. They win.

Did your husband talk to the exact same employee you were talking to?
While I was not there & can't tell you for sure, but maybe, if your husband talked to a different employee, you were just talking to somebody who couldn't do it, or was new and didn't know how, or know that it was okay to do that. Or maybe you were just talking to a "tougher" employee.
I worked in retail for a long, long time. Certain employees can be really "by the book" so to speak - I had this one employee who would never. give. any. breaks. TO ANYONE! No matter thier gender, age, race. She went by the book no matter what. She never broke rules. & Sometimes I'd see her refusing to return an item past its 14 day return date, & I'd have to pull her aside after and tell her she could have done it. Usually the customer would come back in & it would be solved easily.

But, I also wouldn't be surprised if your husband got the phone even though you couldn't. I went to a store with my boyfriend one time so I could buy paint, and the sales associate REFUSED to look at me - even though it was ME buying, not my boyfriend, he was just THERE. It was my choice, me doing the painting, but even when I asked the question, the employee would answer to my BOYFRIEND. So, I wouldn't doubt this.
It's sad. I definately encourage you to call or email the store and let them know what happened, and how you feel like they wouldn't serve you properly because of your gender.
If we don't speak up about these things, they'll never get better!

I'm so sorry for your experience. It's sad that it's such a familiar one.

I had my first real taste of this in college. My finances were delicately balanced, and occasionally required "floating" a few checks over the weekend to cover bills before payday.

That was the situation one Monday when I went in to make a deposit. I arrived at about five minutes to two. After waiting in line for about ten minutes, I made my deposit and left.

A week later I received notice that all of the checks had bounced on the day of my deposit and the fines would be over $200.

I went straight to the bank with my deposit slip, only to be told that "next day's business" starts at 2:00 and because my deposit was made at 2:05 there was nothing they could [would] do.

I spoke to a manager. I explained that I'd never bounced a check before and asked, considering the circumstances, couldn't they forgive it just this once? He explained to me how checks work, as though I were five years old, and sent me on my way.

When I told my dad what had happened, he was outraged. One call from him generated all kinds of apologies -- to him -- and assurances -- to him -- that everything would be taken care of.

Post-graduation, I relished the day when I was in the position to pull all of my business from that bank. I sent them a letter explaining that now that my finances had significantly improved, I was taking my business elsewhere and why. I never heard from them.

Since then, each time I have bought a house, or a car, or had any other large transaction, I've done so with an extra ounce of satisfaction that it's not through that bank. Spiteful? Yes. Gratifying? You betcha. But I still feel the sting of that double standard.

when we bought our minivan and were in the room working up the financing the man behind the table kept talking to me about "my new minivan". I finally stopped him and said "you should really be talking to him [my husband] it is his car". And he was in utter shock and totally confused.
Sexism is alive and well. There is no real answer other than to continue to stop doing business with these people (when you can) and call managers and supervisors to tell them that this behavior is not only wrong but intolerable.

Natalie writes Almost Never Clever ( http://almostneverclever.wordpress.com ), a deviant scrapbooking blog that just might surprise you.

I usually fail at negotiating (although I wouldn't have in your shoes - that one I could have handled...starting with asking for the manager and then dialing the companies customer service from the store and complaining about him in front of his face), but I am the queen of getting refunds or bonuses from bad service. My husband works out the dealsm because that's his talent - I agree with the commenter who said that maybe it's just because Josh is who he is, not just because he's a man.

Misogyny makes me CRAZY, though. Most memorable incident: My husband and I were building our house, and the subdivision people (a couple who lives a few blocks away) came by to discuss "unapproved changes" we had made in the facade. The wife and my husband got into a very vehement argument, where she threatened to sue us and he threatened to call the police and have her removed from our property. At this point, I turned to the husband and said "It would appear that those two are not going to be able to settle this peacefully. Maybe we should discuss it and see if we can reach an agreement." The husband didn't even look at me, turned back to my husband and started addressing him again. I said, "OK, fine. I'm going inside then." At that point, he finally figured out that I was the only rational one standing on the front porch and it might be good to deal with me.

I just started being in a position where this sort of thing could happen - I recently moved in with my boyfriend, having grown up in a single parent (mother) household and having lived in sharehouses with other girls during university.
In spite of the fact that when we were organising to move interstate together I was the one who contacted the removalists and the real estate agents, both only called my boyfriend when they needed to get back in touch with us. The removalists labelled all of our furniture with my boyfriend's surname, and listed me on the contract as having his surname after I had given him both of our full names.
The real estate agent we lease through to this day only sends information to my boyfriend, in spite of both of our names being on the lease. On one occasion we had an inspection due on a day when my boyfriend came down very ill with a fever, and as we live in a studio apartment, I contacted the agent to ask if they could defer the inspection until another day so that he could stay in bed. The property manager for our apartment wasn't in, and even though I had contacted them, left my mobile phone number, and explained the situation - that my boyfriend, by virtue of being sick, shouldn't be disturbed that day - when the property manager called back, guess what? She called my boyfriend's mobile instead.
Good grief, it drives me up the wall.

I have the same issue with people. If I go in to talk to someone about a problem, or talk to someone over the phone, I always get the runaround or rude treatment. Then my husband can call RIGHT BACK and speak to the SAME person, and all of a sudden it's "no problem, sir". I have finally just given up on solving problems on my own, and just ask him to talk to the person instead.

One incident that stands out, dealing with misogny, is the time I was looking for a new drill. I was in Walmart looking at the drills, and a man in the aisle (not an employee) asked me if I was buying a drill for my husband. When I replied that the drill was for myself, he *kindly* referred me to a weeny little cordless driver that had no torque, saying "This is powerful enough for you to do things around the house". I glared at him and told him that I wasn't just going to be doing things around the house; that I actually did woodworking and other DIY projects, and needed something with more torque. The look on his face was incredible: disbelief with a bit of scorn mixed in. I got my drill (an 18-volt, thank you very much!) and left the aisle, still fuming about the nice man that was gonna help the little helpless woman buy a drill to "do stuff around the house."

"Live long, and may the Force be with you.  So say we all"--#1

That your husband is just one of *those* people? The charismatic, charming, take-no-prisoners type? Like Wesley in The Princess Bride, or Mal in Firefly, maybe instead of you possibly lacking something, he has *it* - whatever it is, in spades? And that it could be carried by a person of his same gender or another gender, but that it's *it* that the doctor, CSRs, etc. are responding to?

Maybe not, but I just wonder if you've considered whether his successes aren't based so much on gender but personality, he's just compelling (or scary, I clearly don't know, but odds are higher in favor of compelling/charismatic in my opinion.)

I'm glad to hear your feet did the walking after that experience with your doctor. I volunteer in breastfeeding counseling and I can't tell you how often it seems like moms are getting the run-around or just plain bad information from their doctors, and yet are afraid or unwilling to either confront the doctors with the discrepancy, or feel chained to the doctor for some reason. We're consumers of health care as much as we are of anything else. The doctor gets PAID to see us. If we don't like the service we get from the doctor, march on! There are plenty of young energetic docs coming out of med school in the last decade who are eager to build their practices (and plenty of experienced/tenured doctors who would be happy to grow theirs.)

The other thing that comes to mind is a trick I've used to some great effect that's alluded to by a previous commenter. It's the "Oh, that's not going to work for me. I'm sure you can help me figure out a solution here." kind of thing. It's actually a child-management strategy applied to adults... ("I do not like hearing all that yelling in the other room. I am sure you two can figure out a way to play nicely together.") My biggest barrier to succeeding in this is that my inner Bitch comes out sometimes when what is needed is a milder approach. Once I go Bitch, all hope is lost, I'm a wreck, my husband, if he's with me, walks off because he hates it, and I get horrible customer service and get angry and can't communicate well and just want to get out of there.

But if I can keep the Bitch reined in, then I've found that many in customer service professions are able to give me what I need, though it sometimes involves pasting a smile on my face and continuing to escalate the issue through multiple call centers or managerial levels. Ick.

Anyway - I'm sorry you had to deal with these situations, it sucks and you must have felt very unempowered. I hope your new phone is helping you get your mojo back. ;)

I write on Suburban (In)sanity ( http://beckersmith.typepad.com/my_weblog/ ). I have two kids, two cats, a dog, a husband and a minivan. I live in the suburbs now and try to stay sane. Some days, I succeed.

For some reason the comment got stuck in the spam filter. No idea why... I released it as soon as I noticed. Sorry about that. :-)

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Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I'll have to remember what I wrote! I'll let you know how my current battle with mlb.com turns out. It's over some misprinted world series merchandise that they sent me.

Regarding the UTI's, for me it's not even about having to drive to the doctor. Mine always happen "after hours" when there's nothing open but the ER. I'm convinced that there should be something available OTC for this.

Natalie writes Almost Never Clever ( http://almostneverclever.wordpress.com ), a deviant scrapbooking blog that just might surprise you.

Good for you! You need to give me lessons so I can get things done.

Can you imagine driving 45 minutes in that squirmy pain to sit in the waiting room just to leave a sample? Because you know they always give the prescription for the antibiotics BEFORE they get the culture back. That's what annoys me. If I was a new patient, I understand proving myself. But years with this doctor (and being 36 and fairly familiar with my body) should count for something.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I'm the person in the marriage that does battle with customer service representatives. I don't know if they would treat my husband differently because he'd rather I handle all of those issues.

Same thing with my mom. You didn't want to jerk her around and you would certainly learn your lesson.

The part about the UTI is just wrong. Wrong. *Shudder* I'm convinced that there should be a way to get simple antibiotics like that without having to jump through those hoops.

Natalie writes Almost Never Clever ( http://almostneverclever.wordpress.com ), a deviant scrapbooking blog that just might surprise you.

That is so true. My mother also gets great customer service BUT I wonder if it due to age/circumstances. She is not entering the store in sweatpants with two small children in tow. I need to ask her if she has always gotten great customer service, or if it changed over the years.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I don't know if it's everyone; but my friends and I have certainly noticed this discrepancy in treatment.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I've actually had the opposite experience. I'm still on my dad's cell plan (don't laugh, I pay him!), and when I went to upgrade my last cell phone, it was the day before the contract was up. When he went into the store, they told him "nope, can't be done". We went to a different one, and this time my mom went in, and she came out 15 minutes later, smiling, and handed me my new phone. She never has customer service problems, and this instance made me realize why. She's incredibly nice. She's so overly sweet, but unyielding. She always suggests that there is something that can be done, and after they are pulled in by her charm, they do whatever it is. Obviously gender can play a big part in customer service issues, but it's not always the reason. Some people just suck.

Liberal oilfield wife. I write, I hula hoop, I craft, and I listen to music you might hate. www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com ( http://www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com%20 )

But it isn't even something you're doing. It's something that is happening despite how you comport yourself in the store.

We recently bought a car and when we'd be in a dealership and I'd ask a question, the salesman would direct the answer at my husband, as if I couldn't possibly know what I want.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

I guess it is reality. I had a similar experience at a car dealership. And as you pointed out you are lucky to have your husband. But, it is so frustrating.

I have this happen all the time. Husband asks me why I don't 'stand up for myself'. And, yes, sometimes, my normal reticence to make waves is a factor, but oftentimes, things get done because he just will not take crap. So, yes, I totally understand.

Sara is a stay-at-home mom who works as a nursery attendant for her church. She blogs in The Bright Corner ( http://sunsaralyn.livejournal.com ), and tweets as thecookiemomma ( http://twitter.com/#/thecookiemomma ).